Phineas and Ferb: Take Two!
by AnimationNut
Summary: Even Phineas and Ferb make mistakes on set. Yup, Phineas and Ferb bloopers, in STORY format. Give it a shot xD Leave me an episode and I'll try to make bloopers for it. Now up: Canderemy
1. Hail Doofania Bloopers

**Yes, these are Phineas and Ferb Bloopers xD I'm not guaranteeing them to be funny, but I hope you like them. I may do more if enough people like it. So leave me an episode, and I'll try to do bloopers for it.**

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb, and I do not own R2D2. R2D2 is a part of Star Wars, which belongs to George Lucas.**

**Hail Doofania Bloopers**

Doofenshmirtz scowled down at the picture of his brother on the front of the daily newspaper. "Look at this, Norm. My brother Roger has been elected mayor! Look at him. He's honest and reputable and-_Ow! Paper cut! It stings, it stings!_"

"CUT!" The director shouted, rubbing his brow in irritation. "You weren't supposed to tear the newspaper up, Heinz!"

Heinz sucked on his bleeding finger. "Well, _excuse _me for expressing my creativity as an actor!"

"You are such a drama queen." Norm piped up from his spot behind Heinz's desk.

"Shut up, you giant trash can! Keep it up and I'll convince the director to replace you with R2D2!" Heinz threatened. "Don't think I won't!"

"Shutting up."

...

_Take One_

Isabella skipped into the Flynn-Fletcher kitchen. "Hey, Phineas. Whatcha eatin'?"

"_Footy Rwaigo Fwakes_." Phineas slurred, trying to talk around a mouthful of cereal. "_'Oo ant ome_?"

Ferb rolled his eyes. "How charming."

"CUT! Okay, Phineas, swallow before you speak, okay? Take two, everybody!"

_Take Two_

"Whatcha eatin'?"

Phineas quickly swallowed his cereal. Unfortunately it went down the wrong tube. Phineas coughed violently, sinking to the floor and clutching his throat. Ferb quickly dropped his spoon and dropped down beside him and did the Heimlich Maneuver.

Isabella winced as a glob of mushy rainbow cereal splattered on the floor. "Ew...gross."

"I'm okay!" Phineas wheezed. "I totally got this."

"Are you sure you don't want to take a break?" The director asked.

"I'm fine! Let's do this!"

_Take Three_

"Whatcha eatin'?" Isabella asked as she slipped into the kitchen. Her foot slipped and she tumbled beside Phineas' chair. _"Ouch..."_

"Dude," Phineas giggled and helped her up. "You okay?"

Isabella blushed. "Yeah, sorry. One more time!"

...

Doofenshmirtz and Perry were fighting along the edge of a building. Heinz waves his umbrella and went for the lunge. Perry groaned as Heinz tripped and toppled over the edge, going into the sandpaper factory instead of him.

"CUT! Heinz, Perry was supposed to be the one who falls!"

"_Oh, you think that was _deliberate?"

...

Vanessa looked down at herself in disgust. "I look like a walking candy cane. I mean, how many-"She shivered violently and dropped her cell phone. "Okay, seriously, either get me a jacket or turn down the AC. I'm freaking freezing."

The director sighed. "Somebody turn down the AC! We're on a schedule, people!"

...

"Whatcha doin'?" Norm asked.

Doofenshmirtz arched an eyebrow. "What does it look like to you? I'm building an evil empirrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeee!"

Heinz screamed as he slipped off of the steel beams and hit the ground. "Ouch...I think I broke a rib."

"We can't cover _all _of your accident insurance, Heinz!" The director warned.

...

"I just don't want anyone to see me in these clothes." Candace complained as she got out of the car to hold the door for her mother.

Linda rolled her eyes. "You think you feel ridiculous? I'm carrying a jackalope-_oof!"_

Candace giggled as Linda struggled to fit the lawnmower through the door. "Uh...you might wanna try holding it the other way."

Linda turned the lawnmower around and tried again. "Hey! It worked! Thanks sweetie!"

...

_Take One_

"Mom, I'm at the docks. You gotta get down here right away." Vanessa exclaimed into her cell phone.

"Cut!" The director called. "Sorry, Vanessa. Could you be a bit more enthusiastic?"

"Yeah, I'll try."

_Take Two_

"Mom! I'm at the docks!" Vanessa cried, jumping up and down. "You gotta get down here right-"

She let out a yelp as her foot slipped on the slippery wooden dock. "Ouch...too enthusiastic?"

"Too enthusiastic," the director agreed as the camera crew burst into laughter.

...

_Take One_

Jeremy walked up to Candace. "Whoa. Candace, are you going Goth now?"

Candace gaped. "Uh, uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it in that I'm wearing it right now and that I am attached to it in a very physical way and I am totally screwing up my lines right now and I need to start over."

_Take Two_

"Uh, Uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off."

Candace paused and stared into space. Jeremy grinned. "No clue what to say next?"

"Not a clue." Candace muttered. "Seriously, why do I get the long rants?"

"Hey, try memorizing my script once in a while!" Heinz hollered from off set. "It's like, two pages of back story!"

Candace grinned sheepishly. "Good point. I got it easy."

_Take Three_

"Uh, Uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off. No, no, no. But...I mean...uh...HEY HEINZ! WANNA FILL IN FOR ME?"

...

"I do see. What a cute little city. Oh, and it's soft." Charlene squeezed the plush model too hard and it popped. The Doofenshmirtz's blinked as the felt littered the wooden docks.

"Uh..." Heinz drawled. "How did you manage to do that?"

"I have no idea."

"HEY!" Carl cried, storming on camera. "Do you know how long it took me to make that thing?"

Charlene flushed. "Sorry, Carl."

...

"Mow, mow, mow, and my heart starts pumpin'. Chicka-chicka-choo-wa, never gonna stop. Gitchee-gitchee-goo-CARL! You missed your cue!" Francis snapped.

"Well, _excuse _me! The director wants the Doofenshmirtz scene finished by next week, and I gotta make a whole new plush model!" Carl snapped from off-screen.

"Geez, touchy." Francis muttered.

...

Phineas glanced down at Perry. "Perry, I almost forgot. It's the end of the day. You don't need to wear that thing anymore." He grabbed hold of the collar and tugged. "It's-it's not coming off."

Ferb grabbed the collar as well and started pulling. Isabella frowned and helped, but the collar would not budge. "Okay, who put super glue on Perry's satellite dish?"

Heinz cackled from offset and Perry chattered angrily.

"Come on, Heinz!" Phineas complained. "Seriously!"

...

_Take 35_

_Take Three_

"Uh, Uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off. No, no, no. But, I mean- I didn't want to put these- I-I want to put clothes on, but I- It was a mix-up, Okay? The dry cleaners and a- a jackalope lawn mower, and-Do you like it?"

"CUT! Great job, Candace." The director called out. "It only took thirty-five takes, but hey. We got it done."

Candace pumped her fist in the air. "VICTORY!"

**Read, review, but please, don't flame.**


	2. It's About Time! Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**It's About Time! Bloopers**

Perry waved his arms in the air, trying to get Major Monogram's attention. The major continued to stare blankly at him. Carl moved into view, a sheepish grin on his face. "Uh, Agent P? It's me, Carl. The intern. We got a bit of a situation here. Major Monogram has been frozen like this pretty much all day. Solid as a rock-oops!"

"_Carl!"_

Perry muffled a chuckle as the major fell to the floor. Carl winced and hastily helped Francis up. "Sorry! I guess I don't know my own strength."

The director grinned. "That was great! Do it again, but this time intentionally make Francis fall over."

"_What?" _Francis cried.

"And action!"

...

"Hey guys. Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked cheerily as she walked up to the stepbrothers.

Phineas glanced up from his tools. "We're fixing this time machine."

"Oh, cool. Are you planning to go back to the future?"

Phineas and Ferb stared blankly at her. Isabella flushed. "That was a lame attempt at a joke, wasn't it?"

"Just a bit." The director answered. "But good try."

...

Perry stormed over to the closet and yanked the door open. A startled chatter escaped him as a pile of boxes toppled out and struck him on the head. Heinz frowned. "Er...was that supposed to happen?"

The platypus glared at him. A bump was growing rapidly on his noggin. Heinz peered into the closet. "Hey, where's Peter the Panda?"

The small panda walked onset with a cup of coffee in his paw. He stared at his two co-actors and then at the clock on the wall. Heinz crossed his arms and glowered. "Yes, you missed your cue. But it doesn't matter; Perry the Platypus would have been taken out by the boxes anyway."

The director groaned. "Heinz, clean out your closet once in a while."

"Oh sure! Let's blame everything on Heinz!"

...

_Take One_

"Feels like by the time my shift is over, I'll be a part of the fossil exhibit." Jeremy joked.

Candace giggled. "Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one! Oops, gotta go." Candace avoided the security guard and hurried to find her mother. "MOM!"

There was a quick flash of light. Linda glanced up. "Did you hear something?"

The redhead found herself back at Jeremy's Slushy Dawg counter. "Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one!"

Jeremy blinked. "Yeah, um, where did you run off to?"

Candace shrugged. "I have no idea."

The director groaned. "Candace!"

"Hey, you're the one who wants this scene shot in one sequence!" Candace snapped. "You try running all the way back here while being blinded by a flash of light!"

"Okay, okay! Just try again."

_Take Two_

"Yeah, um, where did you run off to?"

Candace frowned. "What do you mean? I didn't go anywhere."

"Right," Jeremy said slowly. "So, can I get you anything?"

Candace burst randomly into laughter. "Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one!" There was a brief pause before Candace suddenly started laughing again-even harder than before.

Jeremy arched an eyebrow as Candace sunk to the floor, howling with laughter and clutching her stomach. "Okay, what's up?"

"I...just...got the...joke," she wheezed.

The director pressed two fingers to his forehead. "Oh, geez."

_Take Three_

"So, can I get you anything?" Jeremy asked.

"Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one!" Candace giggled.

"Yeah, I know. You've said that three times already." Jeremy tried to keep a straight face, but it broke when Candace slapped him in the arm.

"Jeremy!" The director snapped.

"Sorry, sorry." Jeremy held up his hands in surrender. "I'll be serious next time."

_Take Four_

Part of the fossil exhibit, that's a good one!" Candace giggled. She abruptly stopped laughing and smiled at the blonde boy. "Hi, Jeremy."

Jeremy blinked. "Candace, you're really kind of freaking me out."

There was a brief pause before Candace grinned and high-fived her co-actor. "YES! WE GOT IT!"

...

Doofenshmirtz shuffled awkwardly as Peter and Perry both stared at him. "Sorry, Perry the Platypus, I didn't want you to find out this way. Okay, here it is. Peter the Panda is my new nemesis. We met at an evil genius expo in Seattle, and, well, me and Peter, we instantly disliked each other. And them, he foiled a little evil scheme of mine. And, I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. Peter the Panda, be a dear and go get us a-"He paused when he realized he had turned to speak to Perry the Platypus and not Peter the Panda. "...okay, I could have sworn Peter was standing where Perry is now."

_Take Two_

"I'd offer you one, Perry the Platypus, but I...I'm not talking to Perry the Platypus." Heinz drawled as he stared at Peter the Panda. "Okay, you two need to stop switching places when I'm ranting. I'm not a Dummkopf, you know"

_Take Three_

"I'd offer you one, Perry the Platypus, but I- I think it's better if we just have a clean break. So, where was I?"

There was an awkward silence as Heinz stared into space, brow furrowed in concentration. Perry and Peter exchanged exasperated glances.

"Come on, Heinz!" the director called.

"Hey, you try memorizing this speech!" Heinz snapped. "Okay, let me see my script-HEY! Who wrote 'Heinz is a Dummkopf' on my script?"

Phineas and Ferb high-fived offset.

...

Candace rushed towards her mother. "Mom! Phineas and Ferb are in the "Gadgets Through the Ages" exhibit, and they're doing something to this chair thing, and Ferb is using this hose thing that makes sparks, and he's wearing this mask that goes like this!" She waved her hand in the air and accidentally slapped herself in the face.

Linda burst into laughter. "Very smooth, honey."

"Thanks. I try. Hey, at least I got my dialogue right!"

...

Candace pushed her mother frantically in an attempt to get her to move. "And you have to come with me right now! Please, please, please, please, please-"She tripped over her own feet and hit the ground. "Okay, this is not my day."

...

"Take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home, take me home!" Candace cried, gripping the safety bar of the Time Machine.

Phineas smiled. "Sure, Candace. No problem."

The teenager knew what was coming next, and as the dinosaur foot descended over her she chickened out and leapt out of the machine. "I can't do it!"

The director sighed. "Candace, I promise that the mechanical dinosaur will not step on you."

"Can we please finish this?" Ferb asked. "I'm _starving._"

...

"Look, I'm telling you, it's the most peculiar thing I've ever seen. It looks just like Candace." Lawrence insisted, brining his wife over to the giant fossil.

Linda bent over to examine what her husband was talking about. "Hmm...you're right."

"HEY!" Candace cried offset.

...

Candace panted as she ran with the giant dinosaur in pursuit. There was a sudden metallic screeching noise and Candace glanced behind her. The mechanical T-Rex had stopped and smoke was currently billowing out of its nostrils. "Uh..."

"CUT!" The director bellowed. "What happened? It was working fine before!"

Phineas and Ferb went to examine it. Phineas turned to Heinz in exasperation. "You tried to modify it, didn't you?"

Heinz gasped. "No! Why would you even-yeah, okay."

"HEINZ!"

...

"What does it matter? We're all doomed anyway. I mean, where are we supposed to find electricity in DINOSAUR LAND?" Candace cried.

Lightning flashed, striking Candace and powering up the time machine. There was brief flash of purple light and they appeared back in the museum. Candace crumpled to the ground with a moan. Phineas peered down at her in concern. "Are you okay?"

Candace moaned. "Okay, I'm putting a request in for a stunt double."

"Whoa!" Heinz cried, storming on set. "Whoa! If she gets to request a stunt double, then I should be able to _demand _one! Seriously, are you the one getting pummeled by a platypus?"

"Fine," she muttered. "Heinz gets one first, then me, and then we both get a pay raise."

"...I can agree to that."

"I don't." The director muttered.


	3. Ferb Latin Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Ferb Latin Bloopers**

Phineas leaned against the tree in his backyard and waved to his father. "Goodbye dad, have fun buying from auctions and private sells performing minor refurbishments to the purchase items, marking up the prices and selling them to your customers!"

The director was impressed. "Wow, Phineas! You got that on your first try."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "Of course he did. He wrote his line on the back of his hand."

Phineas scowled. "Shut _up, _Ferb!"

...

Major Monogram appeared in the mirror located in the Flynn-Fletcher bathroom. "Good morning, Agent P. There has been no delectable-"

Perry snorted and covered his bill. The major paused and sighed. "I said delectable, didn't I?"

"_Someone _thinks highly of himself."

"Knock it off, Carl!"

...

"Look what Phineas and Ferb are doing!" Candace cried, pointing outside. Linda peered through the glass and shook her head.

"Candace, they're just writing on a whiteboard."

"Yes, but then they'll start-"Candace stopped when Linda started to giggle. "What? Is there something on my face?" she turned to look at her reflection in the glass and caught Phineas sand Ferb holding up the whiteboard. In black marker, Phineas and Ferb had drawn a crude cartoon of her with a mustache. "Very funny."

...

"Hi guys," Isabella said as she, Buford and Baljeet entered the Flynn-Fletcher backyard.

"Whatcha doin'?" Buford and Baljeet chorused before Isabella could.

Isabella scowled as Phineas and Ferb dissolved into laughter. "Okay, you guys are asking for it!"

...

"Ferb Latin! Well, you take the first letter of every word, move it to the end, and then you say erb! Like Ferb becomes erb-ferb, and Latin becomes atin-lerb! One and two letter words stay the same, like or stays or. All the fun of Pig Latin and it's safe for vegetarians to use!" Phineas explained.

There was a beat of silence. Buford arched an eyebrow. "It's your line, Isabella."

The Fireside Girl flushed. "I know! Okay, hold on...'you take the first letter of every word, move it to the end, then say erb.' Wonderful...onderful...got it! Oh, Phineas, I think your new language is onderful-werb!"

Buford applauded. "Give the girl her prize!"

"Shut up!"

...

_Take One_

"When you say goodbye, you blow a raspberry!" Phineas demonstrated and blew a raspberry. Baljeet moaned in disgust and Phineas broke into laughter.

The director sighed. "What happened?"

"I...I..."Phineas tried to explain, but he was laughing too hard to speak clearly. Baljeet wiped his cheek.

"He spit on me," the Indian child said flatly.

_Take Two_

"Let's all do it!" Phineas suggested, and everyone started blowing raspberries. Baljeet gave an exaggerated one and globs of spit hit Phineas.

"Gross!" Isabella squealed.

Phineas and Baljeet giggled hysterically. The director rubbed his forehead. "Okay, someone bring these two a towel. Come on guys, be serious for a second."

Buford grinned. "You're asking a bunch of kids to blow raspberries. How is any of that serious?"

...

"So, I've been doing a lot of research in the past... couple of hours... and I have discovered that most people will believe anything they read! And I know it's true, because I... read it online somewhere. So, my new weapon to take over the Tri-State Area is..." Doofenshmirtz said dramatically, arms thrown to the side.

Perry and Norm glanced at each other as the pause grew.

"Propaganda!" Phineas called. "Come on, man. You memorized all that, but not the last word?"

"Shut up and go back to your trailer, kid!"

...

_Take One_

The ice-cream man smiled down at the group of kids. "What will it be?"

"Ocolate-Cherb." Phineas said proudly.

"Uh..." Isabella frantically tried to arrange the word in her head. "Straw-erry-erb?"

"Not even close," Baljeet drawled.

_Take Two_

"Awberry-Sterb," Isabella requested calmly.

Buford leaned forwards and grabbed her hand. "Cheater! She wrote it on the palm of her hand! For shame!"

"Shut up, Buford!"

...

"Whoa!" Isabella cried, staring at the next scene on her script. "We have to sing in Ferb Latin next?"

"You're lucky, Princess. It's one of those songs that explain what we do," Buford teased.

"Wait, what?"

Buford glanced over at Isabella's script and laughed. "Looks like someone tampered with your script. We're not supposed to sing the entire song in Ferb Latin."

Isabella scowled and stood up. "Okay!" She hollered to her fellow actors and other crew members. "Which one of you jerks messed with my script?"

Muffled giggles erupted from the other end of the studio. Furious, Isabella got up and started chasing Candace. "You are so dead!"

...

_Take One_

"Oh, Norm, you're back. Nice haircut, by the way. Now where's my change?" Heinz asked as his robot entered the penthouse. Norm opened his mouth and dozens of coins spilled out, gathering by Doofenshmirtz's feet.

Heinz scowled. "You're a weird robot N-"A giggles escaped him and he slapped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry! Sorry. Won't happen again."

_Take Ten_

Heinz braced himself as the coins rained over him. He tried to deliver his line but all that came out was a stream of hysterical laughter. "I'm sorry! It's just so funny!"

The director sighed. "Okay guys. Take a break. We'll try again later."

...

Candace walked down the street, puzzlement written across her expression as she tried to figure what the locals were saying. It all sounded gibberish to her. The redhead was intent on listening in to other people's conversations; she forgot to watch where she was going and slammed into the street sign post.

"_Ouch..."_

Phineas and Ferb burst into laughter offset. "Dude! You have to keep that in there!"

The director grinned. "I think I will. Good job, Candace."

"No problem." Candace muttered sarcastically. "Alright, let me try this again. Geez, the things I do for show business."

...

Candace dragged her mother down the street, frantically trying to get someone to speak to her in Ferb Latin. Just as she was about to desperately ask another person, something wet and stick nailed her in the neck. "...okay...someone tell me what just happened."

Linda peered at the substance coating Candace's long neck. "I think someone just hit you with a balloon filled with honey, sweetie."

"Nice shot, Isabella." Baljeet complimented. Candace whirled around and glared at the Mexican-Jewish girl. Isabella smirked.

"That's what ya get for messing with my script."

**Don't worry; I'll try to do all the episodes you guys give me. Although episodes like Summer Belongs to You might take me a bit longer xD**


	4. Misperceived Monotreme Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Misperceived Monotreme Bloopers**

"Hey!" Phineas exclaimed as a platypus that looked identical to Perry appeared on the television screen. "He looks exactly like you, Perry!" The redheaded boy gestured towards the screen, accidentally smacking Perry off of the couch armrest. "Oops! Sorry buddy!"

Perry chattered in irritation and climbed to his feet. Ferb smirked. "Keep this up, and you'll get fired for animal cruelty."

"Ferb's harassing me!" Phineas complained, trying to punch Ferb in the arm. The British boy held him back with a grin.

The director rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and you just assaulted a platypus. I think you deserve some harassment."

"It was an accident!"

...

"Not much," the zookeeper answered. "He likes sandwiches, though." She held out a ham sandwich in front enticingly in front of the platypus. The zoo animal quickly tried to swallow it whole-including the hand attached to the piece of food. "Ow! Get it off! GET IT OFF!"

...

_Take One_

The director buried his face in his hands. "I should have listened to Hollywood; never work with kids and animals."

"We're getting there!" Phineas protested. He wigged a piece of ham in front of the zoo animal. "Come on, go to the truck. Get into the truck!"

"You're doing a wonderful job," Ferb drawled. "By this rate we should finish by next year."

Phineas scowled. "Well, we put a sandwich in the truck, but he won't follow the smell towards it!"

"The scent isn't strong enough." Ferb explained.

"What sandwich has a smell powerful enough to-"

The redhead froze and slowly turned towards Ferb. The British boy seemed to have the same idea as him. "We'll be right back!"

The two actors charged for the lunch room. Ferb stood guard as Phineas rummaged through the fridge. He pulled out a paper bag with the label _Heinz Doofenshmirtz_. He opened it up and immediately thrust it away from his large nose, gagging. "An onion and sardine sandwich. That'll do the trick. I'm sure Heinz won't mind if we borrow his lunch."

_Take Two_

The director watched in amazement as the zoo platypus jumped up as soon as the scent hit him and raced for the truck. "Wow! How did you guys do that?"

Phineas grinned. "It was nothing."

"And Heinz will have to do without lunch today," Ferb muttered, causing Phineas to snicker and high-five him.

...

"Ew, gross." Candace complained as she noticed Perry lounging on the couch. "Okay, hit the road, get out of here, you little meat brick. Uh...Perry...?" Candace lowered her pink cell phone and cautiously poked the teal platypus. "He's sleeping...you know, that sounds like a good idea. I'm taking ten. CUT!"

"Whoa!" The director cried. "Does my job hold no meaning anymore?"

Candace ignored him and stalked off to her trailer to catch a few winks. The director threw his hands in the air. "Apparently not."

...

"Ferb, I've been thinking," Phineas began as he stared at the blue sky, hands crossed behind his head. "Since there's nothing more fun than fun, why don't we-"

Phineas froze as something wet and warm landed just above his right eye. Ferb stared in shock for a moment before covering his mouth, trying to muffle his laughter. The rest of the crew members were in hysterics, including the director. Phineas slowly sat up, gingerly wiping the substance off of him.

"...a bird just pooped on me..."

"HA!" Heinz cried, storming onset and grinning gleefully. "That's karma for stealing my lunch, you hooligan!"

"...alright, after I take ten showers, I'm going to find the person who blabbed and plot my revenge."

...

"I'm worried too sir," Carl admitted as he tampered with the wires in Agent P's electronic chair. "So I thought I'd make myself useful and-!"

The chair suddenly started smoking; black clouds filling up the lair, The chair shook violently before shooting upwards and crashing through the ceiling. Carl lay sprawled on the floor, knocked back from the chair's takeoff.

Major Monogram arched an eyebrow. "Looks like you won't be getting much of a paycheck this week."

...

"Carl, what is in that sandwich?" Monogram demanded.

"Er..." Carl glanced around nervously. "It's...uh..."

"_My _sandwich," a German voice growled. Heinz stormed onset, hands on his hips as he glowered at the young actor.

Carl grinned sheepishly. "I forgot to bring a sandwich, and I found yours in the fridge, so I-"

"Oh sure, let Heinz starve!" Heinz ranted. "We'll just grab his food and not care what he thinks!" Grumbling to himself, the man left the set. Carl winced.

"I was totally going to buy you lunch!"

"With what money?" Francis asked in amusement.

"Shut up!"

...

Candace grunted as she struggled to dunk Perry in the metal tub of water. "What's-wrong-with-you?" She put a little too much force in her next shove and Perry lost his grip and was submerged in the lukewarm water. Candace hastily pulled him out. "Sorry!"

"Animal cruelty!" Phineas hollered.

"That's not funny, Phineas." Candace snapped.

Jeremy shook his head. "For shame, Phineas."

The redhead threw out his hands in exasperation. "Unbelievable!"

...

"Behold!" Heinz exclaimed. "The Least-Likely-Inator! All I have to do is-_oof!_" He tripped over the green cord sticking out of his contraption and crashed to the ground. "Okay, who put that there?"

...

"The cookie hall is doing well, but I had to double the batch," Isabella said cheerfully as she mixed the dough in a ceramic bowl. She paused as an odd smell tickled her nostrils. Confused, she turned around and shrieked. Smoke was billowing out of the oven, flames licking the sides. "MAYDAY! MAYDAY! SAVE THE COOKIES!"

Buford barged onto the set and scooped Isabella up. "It's too late for them!"

...

"Hey!" Heinz exclaimed. "That's my sandwich display case. What are you-?"

The metal display tipped over and landed on top of the evil scientist. There was a crunching sound and everyone froze. Heinz's eyes tripled in size and he let out a scream of agony. The director winced. "Yikes...I think he really _did _break a rib this time."

...

"I don't want to do it." Heinz said flatly.

The director groaned. "Come on, all you have to do is slam into a brick wall."

"I have a broken rib, remember?"

"Just...try to be careful."

"Try to be careful while intentionally throwing myself against a brick wall." Heinz drawled. "Yeah, uh-huh. I want a stunt double."

"Do you want to get paid or not?" The director demanded.

Grumbling, Heinz got into position. "ACTION!"

Heinz raced after the zoo platypus. "I got you n-" The brick wall popped up and the doctor slammed right into it. The director pressed a hand to his forehead as Heinz shrunk to the floor, blood coating his face. "And that was his nose..."

...

Candace slouched back in the green armchair, a frown on her face. "You know, my script didn't cover this scene," she pointed out.

The director tried to keep from grinning. "I'll be sure to berate our writing team. Just improvise for now and we'll see what we can use."

Candace sighed and waited for something to happen. Her brow scrunched in confusion as something warm and soft tickled her back. Puzzled, she turned around and screamed loudly as yellow fur covered the green armchair. "WHAT IS THIS?"

Everyone burst into laughter. Candace scowled and stormed offset. "You jerks!"

...

Isabella walked through the hall of mirrors, right behind Buford. She suddenly let out a shrill shriek, causing Buford to halt and whirl around to see what the matter was. "What's your problem?"

The Mexican-Jewish girl pressed a hand against her heart. "Sorry, sorry. I saw your reflection in the mirror and wasn't prepared."

Baljeet burst into giggles and Buford scowled. "You're asking for it, Princess."

...

Candace slid around the red and yellow vortex/slide thing and got halfway through the exit/hole. She blinked and pushed herself up, and then tried wiggling to get herself loose. After a moment she sighed and shook her head. "...I'm stuck."

...

Phineas and the gang waited for Candace to fall down to their level. She eventually fell through the hole above and landed-in the splits.

Buford groaned. "Okay, that looks painful."

Candace's left eye twitched, her legs stretched out on either side of her. "I...can't...move."

...

Candace tore through the house and cleaned everything up. She reached the cookie hall and started stuffing the cookie down her throat. A spicy and foul taste hit her taste buds and she started gagging, crouching on the floor and holding her throat.

Baljeet turned to Buford as others ran to assist the actress. "What did you spike the cookies with?"

Buford grinned slyly. "Hot sauce."

Baljeet shook his head. "And here I though work was the safest place I could be..."


	5. Isabella and the Temple of Sap Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Isabella and the Temple of Sap Bloopers**

The alarm clock shrilled and Isabella rolled out of bed, a mass of raven hair covering her face. She blindly reached out and shut her clock off before heading for the mirror. Her toe stubbed against the wooden bedpost and she cried out in pain. "OUCH! Ow! Okay, do I really have to do this scene like this?" Isabella complained, shoving her hair away from her face.

"If you ask me, it makes you look more attractive!" Buford hollered. "You know, because it's covering your face!"

"I got it, jerk!" Isabella snapped in irritation. "Alright, but if I get hurt one more time, I'm going to pull a diva move and then you'll _all _regret it."

...

_Take One_

"Sustainable." Gretchen said proudly.

Milly blinked. "Uh...that's not the word you're supposed to say."

"I know..."

_Take Two_

"Succulent!"

"Nope."

_Take Six_

"Stupendous!"

"NO!"

_Take Ten_

"SERENDIPITOUS!" Gretchen cried desperately.

Milly threw her hands in the air as everyone else groaned. "Seriously? You can get serendipitous, but you can't say 'sesquipedalian'?"

"I keep forgetting!" Gretchen protested.

Adyson rolled her eyes. "Did you _read _your script before you got here?"

"Shut up!"

The director rubbed his eyes. "Okay, Ginger, you can take Gretchen's line for this scene and-"

"NO! This has become a challenge in my life! A challenge that I will overcome!" Gretchen declared. "Now everyone shut up and get into position! LET'S DO THIS!"

_Take Eleven_

"Sasquatch!"

"I'm gonna kill her soon," Katie moaned.

_Take Thirteen_

"Sesquipedalian!"

"Here's your "Saying a Word No One Else in the Room Knows" patch! Does anyone else want to try?" Milly asked, handing Gretchen her patch and glancing around at the other girls.

"CUT!" The director called.

Gretchen pumped her fist in the air. "TRIUMPH!"

...

Isabella and Pinky entered the Fireside Girls cabin. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Earning patches!" Holly answered cheerfully.

The Mexican-Jewish girl was about to deliver her line when a water balloon suddenly struck her in the face. Adyson grinned as Isabella glowered at her. "What? I had a water balloon, and you were standing there. How could I resist?"

"I'd run, if I were." Holly suggested. Adyson took her advice and bolted with Isabella hot on her heels.

...

Pinky peered out from behind the bush and glanced around. He started to move towards the fence-elevator and yelped when he was jerked back roughly. His collar had gotten caught and he was stuck.

"All right!" The director called. "Break out the weed whacker!"

...

_Take One_

"Whatcha doin'?" Isabella asked as she skipped over to Phineas.

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I've been doing, always getting so wrapped up in these silly projects that I don't-"He broke off and started giggling. "Sorry! Sorry."

_Take Two._

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I-_he he he._"

"Phineas!" Isabella exclaimed as Phineas broke into laughter again.

"I'm sorry!" The redhead wiped his eyes. "Let's try again."

_Take Three_

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I've been doing, always getting so wrapped up in these silly projects that I don't care about. It's you I care about, Isabella! Can we be together forever and-seriously! Who writes this stuff?"

"_Phineas!"_

...

"The only supply of Stiff Beauty left in the world is at the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park. And I intend to use my _Me-Mobile_ to get me there!" Poofenplotz exclaimed, gesturing towards her slightly frightening vehicle. She climbed in and a robotic arm shot out and snagged Pinky.

The machine scuttled for the door-and slammed into the doorframes. The director groaned as Poofenplotz tried to maneuver the contraption out the doors. "Okay, who got the measurements wrong?"

Heinz tried to make a break for the doors but Ferb caught him. "Ask the Dummkopf over her," Ferb drawled teasingly.

The German man scowled. "Thanks, kid."

...

"According to this Fireside Girls Book on Dendrology, the Maraca Nut Tree is indigenous to mountain valley microclimates." Gretchen read from the handbook, one hand gripping the rope tightly. Above her, Adyson struggled to climb the 'rock' (which was really a fancy, realistic Rockwall) and her foot slipped. With twin shrieks the girls fell to the air mattress below.

"Are you okay?" The director called.

"Fine!" Adyson answered, slightly dazed.

"I knew this would happen," Gretchen muttered, fixing her glasses. "Something bad always happens when you're with Clumsy Adyson."

"Hey!"

"I wanted to be tethered to Holly, but no. They put me with Adyson...I request a switch!"

"If I get put with Adyson, I'm pulling a diva!" Isabella threatened.

Adyson scowled. "I feel the love."

...

"Step up, little sister. Let me bestow upon you the key of wisdom. Bask in its glory!" The Guru cried.

Isabella stared blankly at the key that was dropped in her hand. "Um-"

There was an explosion of white smoke. Milly broke into a coughing fit. "Sorry!" She wheezed.

"Thanks for screwing up, Milly." Katie drawled.

...

"Nothing up here, Captain!" Katie called, dangling from a rope tied to the top of the old rollercoaster. The rope snapped and she hurtled towards the very large air mattress below.

"Good going, Adyson." Ginger hollered.

Adyson threw her hands in the air. "I hate you all!"

...

Isabella rushed over to the information card and started to read. "Stickiness is the most underrated of all the messes, and of all the stickinesses, the sap of the maracanut tree is the-"She paused and squinted at the words.

"It's written right there, Isabella." Milly pointed out in amusement. "And you still mess it up."

"Shut up, I can't read!"

"Sure, sure. Make excuses."

...

Holly surveyed the old maracanut attraction. "Probably not a good idea." She reared back and punched a hole through the material coating the structure. "The whole thing is-my fist is stuck. Someone help me get it out. I...think there are spiders in here. GET IT OUT!"

...

"This is The Fireside Girls song..." The group sang sweetly. "And it's not too terribly long!" They struck into their final poses. Ginger wobbled at the top of her pyramid and fell off. Adyson grinned.

"Good going, Ginger."

"...okay, I deserved that."

...

The group of girls stared in awe at the old minibus sitting on top of the rollercoaster. "Groovy!" Adyson exclaimed.

"Far out!"

"Jinkies!"

"Dy-no-mite!"

The girls looked at each other and burst into laughter. The director rolled his eyes. "Good try."

...

"Just trust me!" Isabella called to Gretchen before she dove off the roof of the van. She performed a swan dive and reached out for the tree. Her fingers brushed the leaves, but she failed to grab it. The girls groaned.

The van landed on the other side of the attraction safely. Green screen would be used to make the part where they swerved around the buildings. But they would really be flying off a rollercoaster in a engine-less van. Gretchen wiped the sweat from her brow. "Are you sure we can't have stunt doubles?"

"Positive."

"Fine. Isabella, try not to miss this time."

"Alright!"

...

"Hold it still Katie!" Holly cautioned. She got the sap and held it up victoriously. "We got-!" The glass tube slipped through her fingers and crashed to the floor. Everyone stared at the shattered glass and then at the nervous actress. "Whoops..."

...

"At last!" Poofenplotz exclaimed. "My own supply of Stiff BEAUTY!"

The maracanut tree ride collapsed and the cans of hairspray exploded. Poofenplotz tried to hold in a cough, but it was too much and she started hacking away.

The director groaned. "Do you know how much it costs to film this scene?"

"Well, if you want me to _choke..._"

"Alright, one more time. And if you mess this up, it's coming out of your paycheck." The director warned.

Poofenplotz turned towards Phineas, who was observing the final shoot of the day. "Is he always like this?"

Phineas grinned. "Only when he's sick and tired of us screwing around. So it's not you he's mad at."

"It's us!" The Fireside Girls chorused from the other end of the set with sly grins.

Buford came tearing towards them, panic written across his face. "They've got water guns! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

The director sighed heavily as his studio exploded into chaos. "Well...maybe we'll try again tomorrow..."


	6. The Beak Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. BTW; the switched the 'unknown blonde Fireside Girl' with Katie.**

**The Beak Bloopers**

"Here it is. The Phineas-and-Ferb-edge-of-insanity-kiss-your-butt-goodbye-gravity's-a-stone-cold-sucker-nightmare-rail-"Phineas collapsed halfway through his sentence, panting heavily. "I need to breathe at some point..." he wheezed.

...

"You ready, Ferb?" Phineas asked, gesturing towards the massive and deadly skateboard track.

Ferb nodded and grabbed his skateboard. Instead of dropping it, like he was supposed to, he accidently tripped and landed stomach-first on his skateboard. Phineas made a lunge for the boy as he started to roll down the steep ramp. "Shoot!"

Ferb whizzed down the terror track and Phineas shut his eyes. "Someone tell me if he makes it in one piece!"

The green-haired boy hollered as he frantically dodged hammers and a vicious cheetah. He flew off the track and landed hard on the grass below. The boy hastily rolled off the skateboard before it exploded.

The applause caused Phineas to open his eyes. "Whoa! You made it! You okay, dude?"

Ferb did not move. "I will be taking a ten minute break right here, so I can get my heart beating again. If anyone bothers me within that time, I will bite your head off."

"He's fine."

...

"Agent P, we've just received an alarming message from Doofenshmirtz. Watch closely, and join us in girlish panic if you're into it." Monogram said, biting his nails nervously. Carl reared back and jammed a wooden chair into the shredder. The shredder made an odd choking sound before it started beeping.

Carl shrieked and ran offset. "IT'S GONNA BLOW!"

The shredder exploded, sending pieces of wood and paper and metal in all directions. The director slowly peeked out from behind his chair and sighed. "That's coming out of your paycheck, Carl."

"Come on!"

...

"Seriously, life as you know it is over." Heinz grinned wickedly at the crowd below him. "Thank you and remember: Doof you, doof me, doof us!"

He burst into laughter immediately after finishing his line. The director groaned. "Now what?"

"That is the stupidest slogan ever!"

"Hey!" Phineas wailed offset. "I helped with that one!"

...

"Oh, _less_! _Less_ Bulgarian-okay, wow. I thought we were on the same page. But no. It's cool. Whatever. Time to suit up!" Phineas said cheerfully. He and Ferb eagerly climbed into the yellow robotic suit. "Okay, video link active. How you doin', Ferb? Oh cool! Look what it does to my voice! _Luke, I am your father._"

Ferb burst into laughter and Phineas giggled. The director scowled. "Phineas!"

"Come on, man! I had to do it!"

...

"Help!" Buford cried. "My nerd is stuck in a tree!" He pulled out a worksheet and a calculator and waved them in the air. "Look! It's your favourite calculator and some math problems!"

Baljeet brightened and stood up on the branch he had been sitting on. "Is it fractions?" He lost his footing and pitched for the ground.

"Baljeet!" Buford cried.

The Beak swooped in and reached for Baljeet. They missed the Indian child and crashed into the tree as Baljeet struck the ground. _"Ouch..."_

Buford grinned. "That was awesome! Do it again!"

...

Katie balanced a load of newspapers on her handlebars as she pedaled by Phineas and Ferb's house. "Early mid-morning edition! The Beak saves the geek!" She tossed the newspaper too hard and it struck Phineas in the face.

Ferb grinned. "That was great. We should keep this in the-"

Phineas reared back and slammed the newspaper over Ferb's head. "Yeah. We should definitely keep this in the episode."

...

_Take 67_

"This isn't over. You haven't seen the last of Khaka Peu Peu! I'll-"

The Beak crumpled to the ground in a fit of laughter. The director screamed in exasperation and stormed offset. "That's it! We're taking a break."

Phineas climbed out of the suit, giggling hysterically. "You named the villain, dude! How can we not laugh at this?"

Ferb glanced at the Beak and sighed. "You know, I do wish we hadn't done the battle digitally."

"Yeah, but the boss-man knew we'd screw up too many times than he can afford." Phineas said, getting to his feet.

"_Okay, who put maple syrup in my slippers?"_

Ferb took off as Heinz stormed onset, his bare feet covered in sticky maple syrup. Phineas broke into laughter once more as the actor chased Ferb all over the studio.

...

Candace gagged and hunched over her sewing machine. "Ugh! Barf-aroni with cheese! Stacy, please. Phineas and Ferb are doing something totally bustable that's also mobile. We can lure them right to Mom to bust themselves-OUCH!"

Stacy winced. "She pricked her finger with the machine...there's a lot of blood...MEDIC!"

...

"Beautiful! Now it's all up to The Dangiraffe." Candace cackled.

Stacy stood still in her bubble. "So then, what does-?" She accidentally leaned forwards and the ball tipped over. Stacy shrieked as she rolled down the alley and bowled over Candace. Despite being rolled over, Candace burst into hysterical laughter.

"That was AWESOME!"

"HELP ME!" Stacy cried.

...

"I'm not doing it." Isabella said firmly. Her arms were crossed and her eyes glinted.

The director groaned. "Why not?"

"Whenever someone has to hang off a ledge or be caught by someone, they always end up falling. I do not want to fall off the edge of a building." Isabella snapped. "You'll have to find someone else to do the scene."

"There is no one else!"

"I'm not doing it."

"Do it or you don't get paid."

"I have a contract."

"...we'll double your pay."

"WHOA!" Baljeet cried, stumbling up to the pair. "I fell out of a tree. Where's my hazard pay?"

"Excuse me!" Heinz protested. "I think I should be the one getting hazard pay here."

The director's face turned purple, and this was never a good sign. Shrieking with fear, everyone scattered into their positions before they got no pay at all.

**I also do not own the famous Star Wars line, **_**Luke, I am your father. **_

**I might do S'Winter or Mom's Birthday next. Haven't decided yet.**


	7. S'Winter Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**S'Winter Bloopers**

"How does it work?" Phineas questioned as he stood beside his stepbrother. Lawrence beamed and grabbed a bag of ice to dump into the snow cone machine.

"Well, you pour the ice in here, you give it a crank-"Lawrence yanked on the lever and slush spewed from the nozzle of the machine, drenching Phineas and Ferb.

"Don't add the syrup!" Phineas warned. "Blue isn't really my colour."

...

Perry whizzed down the tube slide and shot out into his layer. Instead of landing in his seat like he should have, he sailed right into the monitor. The director winced as Perry slid down the screen and collapsed to the floor. "Ouch. You okay, Perry?"

The platypus chattered in pain. The director sighed. "Alright, take two. Then we'll try again."

...

"S'Winter?" Isabella asked in confusion, observing what was happening in the Flynn-Fletcher backyard.

"It's a unique logic-defying amalgam of Winter and Summer." Ferb explained, dumping another load of ice into the machine. The bucket slipped out of his hands and metal pieces started flying everywhere. The green-haired boy dove to the ground.

"Oh great!" Phineas cried as the machine started to spark. "You broke it!"

"We're one a budget!" The director cried.

"Well, excuse me for being human!" Ferb snapped back.

...

_Take One_

"You guys are gonna need some help." Isabella lifted her fingers to her mouth and whistled.

Phineas felt his lips twitch. "That wasn't a whistle. That was a raspberry."

"Shut up!"

_Take Three_

Isabella took a deep breath tried to whistle. Globs of spit flew from her lips and landed on Phineas. "Ew! Gross! Cooties!"

"You're so immature!"

_Take Six_

A sharp whistle echoed through the backyard. Isabella and Phineas waited but no Fireside Girls showed up. The Mexican-Jewish girl was not impressed. "MILLY! GINGER! KATIE! HOLLY!"

The four girls stumbled onto the set, carrying cups of hot chocolate and donuts. "Is it our cue?"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

...

"What is going on out there?" Candace cried, staring at the wall of snow in disbelief. She dropped her cell phone and raced for her window. She gripped the edges and started tugging upwards. "Ung...ung...ung...it...won't...open..."

...

Isabella, Adyson and Gretchen skated out as Phineas and Ferb blew the trumpets. "It's a S'Winter S'Wonderland, unusual and-"

Adyson tripped over her skates and crashed into Isabella. Gretchen tried moving out of the way but Isabella grabbed onto her leg and brought her down with them. "ADYSON!"

"Sorry!" The clumsy girl cried. "Sorry!"

...

Candace stared at the ground in fear. "Oh, I had no idea this thing was so high." She leaned forwards a little too much and pitched off the ski lift. She shrieked as fell and landed in a mound of puffy white snow. "Wow, you actually got real snow for this episode? Cool."

...

"Don't worry it's not what you think." Heinz assured the chocolate-covered Perry. "Between you and me, my popularity has plummeted to an all-time low. But everybody loves chocolate! What if I could recreate chocolate in my own image? Behold! The Melt-Inator 6500! Powered by thousands of laser pointers. It has a melting capacity of 6."

"It's 7, actually." Phineas called with a grin.

Heinz glowered. "It's a number. Does it matter which one?"

"It's seven, Heinz." The director sighed.

"Aren't we picky today, Mr. I-Sit-In-My-Chair-And-Do-Nothing."

...

Candace eagerly strapped some snowshoes to her feet. "I'll just walk all the way up to the top. Nothing will stand in my way." She struggled up the snowy incline and yelped when she fell through and got covered by the snow. "COLD! IT'S COLD! GET ME OUT!"

The director hummed. "You know, we could probably use that in the episode."

"I KILL YOU!"

...

Heinz rolled his eyes and made his way to his machine. "At this very moment, the world's largest chocolate bar is passing through town on the way to The Smithsonian. But it will-"He tripped over his own feet and his head banged on the edge of the machine. "Ow...STOP SNICKERING, PERRY THE PLATYPUS."

...

The snowboard slid down the ramp (which would be digitally edited into a mountain) with ease. Just as it was supposed to land into the tube carrying the bob sleds it hit a snag in the wood and flew over its target and onto the floor.

"Ouch..." Candace groaned and got to her feet.

"Smooth move, kid."

"Shut up, Heinz." Phineas snapped in irritation.

...

Heinz cackled. "You almost foiled my plan! Luckily, I had an extra can of sticky string to subdue you!" He pressed the button with flourish.

Nothing happened.

He started clicking it and grew frustrated when it didn't work. "Something's wrong with this blasted button!"

"...you have to plug it in, Heinz."

The actor froze and glanced behind him. Sure enough, there was a giant plug that needed to be plugged in.

Phineas, who enjoyed hanging around when the elder actor shot his scenes, grinned. "Did you even read your script?"

"...you got ten seconds to run, kid."

...

"Mom, Dad! Hurry up! It's a mix of Winter and Summer! They call it "S'Winter." Candace cried, throwing open the door to the backyard.

Lawrence frowned. "I'd think that'd be "Wummer", wouldn't it?"

Candace whirled around and gaped at her two brothers innocently eating snow cones. Phineas took a large bite and shrieked with pain. "BRAIN FREEZE!"

Ferb shook his head. "You had two lines in this scene, Phineas. Two lines."

...

"I'd think that'd be "Wummer", wouldn't it?"

Before Phineas could deliver his line a giant cuckoo broke through the glass window, chirping loudly. Candace screamed and dove to the ground while the boys choked on their snow cones in surprise.

Linda pressed a hand to her pounding heart. "Was that supposed to happen?"

The director was keeled over, laughing hysterically. "No, but we're definitely keeping that in there."

Candace sighed. "Well, at least I didn't get hurt this time." After a brief pause she leaned over and knocked on the bark of the tree. "Not taking any chances."


	8. Mom's Birthday Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Mom's Birthday Bloopers**

Candace strolled down the hall, carrying a tray of bacon and eggs. "Bacon and eggs," she sang softly as she approached her mother's bedroom door. "Oh yeah!"

She pushed open the door and entered. "Mom-! " Her foot caught on the edge of the carpet and she fell forwards. The food and orange juice splattered all over Linda. "Whoops..."

Linda gingerly sat up, wiping egg yolk off of her face. "Nice move, sweetie."

...

Phineas shook the ceramic piggy bank, coins clattering to the floor. "Buford, my man! What's-?" The bank slipped from his fingers and hit the floor, shattering into dozens of pieces. "Shoot!"

...

Candace stormed into the kitchen and growled softly. Phineas glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, Candace. You wanna man the omelet station for Mom's birthday?"

Candace opened her mouth to deliver her line as Ferb turned around. "I'm doing-_ha ha ha ha ha!_"

The director groaned. "What could possibly so funny?"

"Ferb's mustache! You didn't tell me he was wearing one!" Candace giggled a bit more. "Sorry, it caught me off guard. I'm good."

_Take Two_

"I'm doing my own-_snort_-thing." Candace pressed a hand to her mouth. "Sorry, sorry."

_Take Ten_

"I'm doing my own-"Candace struggled to finish and ended up bursting into laughter for the umpteenth time. Phineas shook his head and grinned slightly.

"We're never gonna get out of here."

"I'm sorry, but he looks like Luigi!" The teen managed to get out through her laughter.

Ferb arched an eyebrow as Phineas suddenly dissolved into laughter. "Oh my gosh! I never noticed that!"

The British child glanced at his reflection in the oven door. "Hey, I kind of do."

The director closed his eyes. "And now we'll never get this done. Thanks, Candace."

...

"Gosh, those things give me the creeps, the way they're all robotic and waxy." Monogram shuddered. "Well, good luck Agent P."

Perry saluted him and turned on his jetpack. He pressed the button with too much force and instead of gently floating upwards he shot for the tube he had just fell from. Francis winced as Perry got jammed in the tube opening, the jetpack sputtering. "Someone get him out of there before that thing explodes!"

"_Leave him there!" _Heinz howled from off-set.

...

Candace grinned manically, slopping glue onto the blue piece of construction paper. "The boys may have won breakfast, but wait'll Mom sees this homemade birthday card." She reached for the pencil and her blue eyes widened upon discovering that her hand was firmly stuck to the desk. "Which one of you jerks replaced the normal glue with _super _glue?"

Buford grinned. "Whoops. Honest mistake."

"_Buford!"_

...

"Almost there!" Phineas assured, leading Linda towards the kitchen. The lights were off, leaving that part of the house in darkness. Ferb reached for the light switch and flicked it. As the kitchen was drenched in light, a figure with a pale white face and red eyes jumped from the shadows screaming wildly.

Ferb yelped and scrambled backwards, slamming into the wall and stars exploding in his vision. Phineas shrieked and tried to run away only to crash into the still-blindfolded Linda and bringing them both down.

Buford removed the mask from his face and laughed hysterically. Isabella rolled her eyes. "We tried to stop him."

"You didn't warn us!" Ferb cried, placing a hand over his pounding heart.

Baljeet grinned. "We didn't care _that _much."

...

"Ooh, I hate you. Let's see. What else? Ear hair. Oh, yes, I've always hated you." Heinz ranted as he stalked along the displays of everything he hated. " Pelicans. Terrible creatures. What- what are you, a bird or a garbage disposal?"

The pelican in question narrowed its eyes and suddenly sprang up, attacking Heinz with full force. Perry grinned as the actor screamed in pain and panic. "HEY! Who unchained the pelican?"

Ferb snickered and held up his phone. "This is so going on the internet."

...

"Here Candace, you can do the honors!" Phineas exclaimed, tossing the teen the remote. Candace sighed heavily.

"Oh joy," she muttered, lazily lifting her hand and half-heartedly pressing the button. The screen flickered to life and instead of Phineas' voice narrating, it was some old pop song along with...rather interesting photos of Ferb.

The British child turned brick red as pictures of him as baby sprang up along with a few of him in the bathtub. "HEINZ!"

The actor grinned, casually sauntering onset and leaning one hand against Ferb's messy green hair. "Payback's a-"

"Heinz!" The director hissed. "There are children here!"

...

Awed, Candace allowed her brothers to lead her to the stage. Her voice spilled from the speakers and she carefully started up the step to the stage. Her other foot caught in the lift of the wooden plank and she went sprawling onto the stage, bringing Phineas and Ferb with you.

"You're almost as clumsy as Adyson," Phineas muttered, rubbing his backside.

"Shut up!" Adyson wailed from the audience.

...

"We set up a satellite uplink with Dad!" Phineas exclaimed. Linda smiled and followed Phineas to the screen in which Lawrence was supposed to be on.

"And it's not working," Phineas frowned and jabbed at the buttons. "Okay, what's up?"

Ferb glanced at the extension cord that was supposed to have been connecting the machine to a power source. "Well, first, the cord is unplugged. Second, I checked the circuitry. It's all frazzled up in there. Someone was messing with it before we got here..."

All eyes turned to Heinz. The actor held up his hands in defense. "You can't blame this one on me!" He cried, staying away from the set. "I was shooting the –Inator scene all afternoon!"

The eyes then turned to Buford, who flushed. "Well, I may have been watching football on it while everyone was having lunch. And then I may have gotten angry and slammed the thing with my fist..."

"Good going, man." Phineas rolled his eyes. "And I'm assuming Adyson tripped over the plug and accidently unplugged it?"

Adyson crossed her arms. "For once, it wasn't me!"

There was a moment of silence. With a sigh, Candace raised her hand. "...it was me."

**I also do not own Luigi from Mario and Luigi xD I'll do Summer Belongs to You when I actually get out of school for summer vacation.**


	9. Delivery of Destiny Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**By the way, this chapter is dedicated to my wonderful, terrific, amazing bestie Lichylichy.**

**Delivery of Destiny Bloopers**

Paul sighed heavily. "Alright, Dad. I'll talk to you later. Bye." He turned off his headset and reached for the radio dial and cranked it. Loud, obnoxious heavy metal music blasted from the speakers, shaking the car and causing him to shriek in surprise.

"Who messed with the new guy?" The director asked with a sigh.

Phineas grinned. "Well, we only had to shoot three scenes. Might as well have some fun."

"Oi vey..."

...

_Take One_

"Out of Order?" Paul asked in disbelief, staring at the red sign. "Fine, whatever." With a grunt he hauled the package towards the door leading to the stairs. He pushed it open with his elbow and dragged the cart after him. "It...won't...fit...through...the...door!" Paul cried, trying in vain to yank the wide package after him.

The director sighed. "Alright. I want it longer and skinnier."

"That's what she said."

"FERB!"

_Take Two_

Paul managed to carry the package to the sixth floor before losing his grip on the cart. He watched in dismay as it rattled down six flights of stairs. "Man...

_Take Ten_

Paul was almost to the top floor when his shoelace caught in the wheel and wrapped tightly around it. Startled, Paul tripped and the cart once more rolled down the stairs-dragging him with it. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"The contracts don't cover chin replacements," Phineas informed as he craned his neck up, watching as Paul's chin bang off every step as he was dragged down.

...

"Finally," Paul muttered as he reached the penthouse. He stumbled for the door and his foot caught in a lift in the carpet. He toppled over and the package landed on top of him. "OUCH! Oh, come ON!"

...

_Take One_

"Hello?" Paul called, wiping the sweat off of his forehead and entering the main part of the lair. "Is anyone here?"

Instead of a cage dropping from the ceiling like he expected, a bucket of water balloons filled with ketchup struck him instead. Paul wiped the red condiment off of his white costume in disgust before glowering at the cackling group of kids.

"That," Heinz informed as he leaned against the metal railing of the lair balcony, "is what I go through every day."

_Take Two_

"Is anyone here?" Paul asked. Something wet and sticky splashed all over him and he gritted his teeth, trying in vain to hold back a string of curses. Paul scowled as he took off his honey-soaked hat.

The director groaned as Ferb and Buford dissolved into giggles. "Will you _please _stop trolling the guest star?"

...

"And you're the first listener to spot us!" The DJ exclaimed.

Paul blinked. A few seconds of silence went by before he finally shrugged. "I don't know my line."

Phineas snorted. "Come on, man. It's easy; 'It's too bad I don't know the phrase that pays.' Seriously, you're as bad as Heinz."

"_HEY!"_

"Go home, Phineas!" The director snapped.

"I think I'm the star, and he's simply a guest star you cast because you got sick and tired of our antics and wanted a break." Phineas beamed innocently. "Not gonna happen."

...

Exasperated, Paul quickly hopped out of the van and ignored the music that Love Handle continued to beat out. He raced up the City Hall steps-and wiped out.

"Ten points!" Isabella cheered.

...

"We know them!" Danny exclaimed. "Hey Phineas, hey Ferb!" As he waved he accidently whacked Paul in the face.

Paul rubbed his throbbing nose. "Okay, now I have a broken nose in addition to a headache. Can I get out of here?"

Ferb peered down at him from the lift they were on. "No one. Ever. Leaves."

Paul gulped and shrunk back.

"Ferb!" The director shouted. "Stop freaking out the guest star!"

...

Candace lounged on the counter, texting lazily. Jeremy balanced a stack of cups on his right hand and hummed a tune. Paul and Love Handle stared at them and the director felt his left eye start to twitch. "Guys, we're shooting a scene here."

The redhead gasped in mock shock. "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that you actually _intended _to shoot a meaningless three second scene of me, who is one of the main characters and should not have been cast aside for this dork."

"Amen!" Jeremy agreed.

The director turned purple and Candace hastily shoved her phone in her pocket. "But since this episode will be nothing without me in it, however briefly, I suppose I'll be cooperative."

"Gee, thanks." Paul muttered.

...

"Organization without a Cool Acronym," Paul read. "They're not kidding." He pressed the doorbell button and got smacked in the face with a boxing glove.

Buford and Baljeet grinned.

The director lost it.

"THAT'S IT!" He howled, storming up to the burly actor and the lanky actor. "I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU KIDS!"

Phineas, Ferb and Isabella cowered offset. They would have snuck away if Heinz hadn't been forcing them to stay. Candace gulped and shrunk back as the director glared at all of them with eyes blazing. "I don't care WHAT problems you have with this episode. We're doing it and you will LIKE it. You will stop being immature brats simply because you aren't in this ONE episode. You-"Here the director pointed to Candace. "-will apologize for your rudeness."

"S-sorry," Candace stuttered.

"You will go home," the director growled at Buford. "You have no reason to be here and I better not see your face until the next scheduled shooting."

Buford swallowed and hastily booked it. Baljeet and Isabella trembled as the director loomed over them. "You two will stop encouraging _them-_"Phineas and Ferb paled. "And you two will. Stop. Trolling. _Everyone. _If you lot don't smarten up and let me and the actors do their job, then it will not bode well for you. Am I understood?"

"Yes sir!" Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, Isabella and Candace shouted.

"Then if you can't watch without causing trouble, get back to your trailers or go home."

Heinz was impressed. "Now that's what I call a rage _win_."

**You've heard of rage quits (if not, it's basically becoming so angry you just quit. Example-during lunch one day, I realized I messed up the math test I took in my last class. With a cry of, **_**STUPID NEGETIVES**_**, I hurled my lunch bag across the table and slammed my head down). That is a rage quit. A rage win is what the director just did.**

**For the record, I actually didn't mind this episode. I thought it was interesting. I just think the actors wouldn't be happy being cast aside xD**


	10. Rollercoaster: The Musical Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Rollercoaster: The Musical Bloopers**

"I think there's been a mistake." Candace said as she went up to the director. "This is the script for _Rollercoaster_."

"That's the script for _Rollercoaster: The Musical_." The director corrected.

Candace stared. "You want us to redo the same episode but with songs and dance? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"We went through it well the first time."

The redhead regarded him dubiously before nodding. "Whatever you say." She headed for her trailer and shook her head. "This is going to be a long day."

...

_Take One_

Phineas threw his arms in the air and sang, "We can build a roller coaster, but this time with songs-"His voice cracked and he broke into a coughing fit.

Ferb sighed. "This is a bad idea."

"You're doing the great!" The director encouraged. "Uh...Phineas? Are you okay?"

"I can't hit those notes!" He protested, rubbing his throat.

"Just give it another shot."

Phineas groaned. "My voice is going to be shot by the end of the day."

"Good. Then I won't have to hear your whiny little voice."

Phineas scowled at Heinz. "Get this lunatic off of the set!"

"Hey!"

_Take Two_

"We can build a roller coaster, but this time with songs and dancing!" Phineas sang loudly. He started to go into the next verse when a fly flew straight into his mouth. Ferb covered his giggles as Phineas choked in disgust and ran around.

"Water! I need water! What if this fly was a female? What if she was pregnant? I'm gonna have baby flies inside me!" Phineas cried.

Ferb groaned. "That is disgusting."

...

Phineas poked his head around the tree trunk. "Back we're gonna be so glad that we didn't stay at home and-"As he walked around to the other side he was supposed to magically appear in a tuxedo and top hat.

He wasn't a quick change artist.

The redhead lost the tune as he tried to pull his tuxedo jacket. His foot caught on the tree root and he toppled over, his shirt covering his head. "It's stuck!"

...

"Hey Ferb! I know what we're-"Phineas pressed a hand to his mouth to cover the giggles. Ferb smirked.

"Come on dude." Phineas grinned at the director. "You have the both of us dressed as cats. There is no way we're getting this done."

At that moment Isabella hurried by. "Rawr." Ferb called as she rushed by the set.

Isabella shot him an amused glance and Phineas collapsed in a fit of laughter.

...

Phineas hung on to the light post as the rain dripped down his face. "Hey Ferb! I know what we're gonna do today!" He lost his grip and fell into a puddle. "Shoot! There's mascara in my eye!"

Ferb stared. "You wear mascara?"

"The makeup people put mascara on me." Phineas corrected. "You don't?"

"...no."

"Darn it." Phineas turned to stare at Buford, who was eating from the snack table. "How much did you pay my makeup people to put mascara on me?"

The burly boy grinned. "Fifty bucks."

"...revenge will be mine."

...

Ferb exited his trailer wearing a pink dress and a wig. He glowered at the director. "You must be joking."

"Nope." The director grinned. "I can't wait until Phineas sees you."

Needless to say, they didn't that scene shot for a while.

...

Phineas glanced behind him as Candace burst into the yard. "Hey Candace! Do you like it?" His hand accidently knocked the paint can beside him over. He flinched as the contents spilled onto Candace. "Whoops..."

...

"You're goin' down, your operation exposed!" Candace sang as she went to kick open the doors. Her foot broke through the plaster and she groaned. "A little help?"

...

Candace slouched back in the large office chair with an easy grin. "You think you're livin' large," Here she swung her feet up to crush the small figurines of Phineas and Ferb-and crushed Stacy's fingers instead.

"OUCH!"

...

As Isabella sang her song Phineas pretended to pay no attention as he was lifted up to the steel base of the rollercoaster. The cable attached to the platform he was standing on snapped and he hurtled to the ground. Isabella gasped. "Phineas!"

"I'm okay," he muttered. "I think I broke my nose, but I'm okay."

...

"Hey Ferb!" Isabella called and waved.

Ferb waved back with the hand holding the hammer. He accidently let go and everyone braced themselves as it flew over the fence and into the actor parking lot. The scene was being shot outside the studio.

Phineas rubbed the back of his neck as glass shattered on the other side. "What did you break?"

Ferb grinned sheepishly. "The windshield of Heinz's car."

"_WHAT?"_

...

"But I can dare to dream," Monogram sang. He was about to go into the next verse when the lights suddenly shut off. "Carl!"

"Sorry, sir. I couldn't stand your singing."

"CARL!"

...

Candace sighed in exasperation. "Mom, trust me, its mooses...or meese. Do you want me to get a dictionary? Actually, you know what, I really don't know. I'm going to check this out."

"Candace, moose really is already plural." The director said tiredly.

"Are you sure?"

"So what was your English mark this year?" Linda asked teasingly.

"Shut up!"

...

Heinz paced in front of the platypus as he rambled. "I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tin foil... again. But this time when I put my giant magnet next to my ingenious Magnetism Magnifinator, I will pull the East in a westerly direction, thereby reversing the rotation of-wait! I just realized something. I'm going to be struck with another flying ball of tinfoil aren't I?"

"I can't wait!" Phineas chimed.

"Phineas," the director said warningly. "Heinz, finish the scene."

"Fine. But I still want that stunt double."

"Me too!" Candace hollered.

The director sighed. "Heinz, you don't have to go throw _all _of it again. We're going to edit in where you get slammed by the giant ball of tinfoil from the first episode and you'll just shoot the new lines we've added."

"Oh good."

"...I really wanted that stunt double." Candace muttered.

...

Phineas and Ferb watched in curiosity as Heinz launched into his musical number. As the music picked up the actor tore off his lab coat to reveal much-to tight black leather pants and a very small tank top. "Back in Gimmelshtump I always had to keep it real-"

"MY EYES!" Phineas howled. He covered them and ran around. "My brain! I will never forget!"

Ferb rubbed his forehead. "That was not something I needed to see."

"You're just jealous of my awesome physique." Heinz snapped.

Ferb shuddered. "Oh gross."

...

"So, are we done?" One of the dancers asked. "I gotta pick my kid up from school."

"One second just wait until it fades to black." Heinz muttered. "Okay, you can go."

Ferb frowned. "Wait. It's summer. Why would her kid be in school?"

The director blinked. "Hmm. Good question. Uh...we'll let the audience assume she's talking about summer school."

...

"You actually got a real rollercoaster?" Baljeet squeaked. The cast and crew were gathered in another studio on the lot that was larger than theirs. A rollercoaster had actually been constructed in the building, complete with the bucket of mud (which was really water that would be edited to look like mud) and snakes.

"Awesome!" Buford exclaimed.

"Of course, most of the editing will have to be done in post-production." The director said. "But we wanted this part to be real."

"Can I go?" Baljeet asked.

"Sorry, but we got fans who enjoy seeing Phineas with his best friends. We want you all here."

"Don't be a wimp!" Buford grinned. "This is going to be great!"

...

As the rollercoaster whizzed around the track, Phineas kept beat to the song. Baljeet struggled to keep his lunch down and was failing. Buford noticed his green face and yelped, "Don't you dare!"

Too late.

"...gross."

...

Baljeet took some medicine to cure his nauseous stomach and they tried again. Phineas relaxed when Baljeet didn't show signs of barfing and stood up on the front of the rollercoaster, held down with a metal brace. He blew his trumpet soundly and did not notice when one of the screws on his brace snapped off.

"Phineas!" Isabella cried as the coaster made a sharp turn and Phineas started to sail off.

"STOP THE RIDE!" Heinz hollered.

Ginger sprang up and wrapped her arms around Phineas' waist. She held on with Isabella's help until the rollercoaster screeched to a stop. "You okay?"

Phineas nodded. His face was pale. "I never thought this job would be this dangerous."

"You and me both, buddy." Heinz called from below.

...

"So now, I'm left holding a ten gate house in a twelve gate neighborhood. My accountant wants me to walk away from the whole thing. But, like, I can't do that. Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I don't care about my credit rate." Heinz ranted. Perry flicked a loose screw at the control panel but misaimed. It hit Heinz in the eyes instead.

"OUCH!"

...

Candace stared at all the people gathered in the large studio. "Are you insane?"

"Well, we need an epic musical number to finish off the episode." The director defended.

Candace groaned. "We're never getting out of here!"

...

"Well, we hope you all enjoyed the show-"Phineas sang and jumped when he heard Isabella shriek. The girl fell off of the swing that was being pulled into the tree.

"Sorry!" She called.

"We're getting off to a good start." Ferb drawled sarcastically.

...

The director was ecstatic. The Carpe Diem song was going off without a hitch. Everyone was perfect. Phineas and Ferb jogged down the glittering runway, ready to slide into the finale. They picked up too much speed and flew off the end, crashing into the camera man shooting them.

The producer whistled. "That sucks."

"What does?" The director asked anxiously. "We can just shoot the end part!"

"You could, but the dunderhead at the camera left the lens cap on."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	11. Spa Day Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Spa Day Bloopers**

Isabella shuffled up the driveway and smiled as Candace and Stacy walked out of the house. "Where ya goin'?"

"We're going to the spa." Candace said proudly.

"Yeah. We're gonna get totally immersed in self-indulgence." Stacy informed.

"And mud," her best friend added.

"Like this?" A voice called from behind them. The two girls whirled around and were immediately struck with mud. Phineas laughed and high-fived Ferb.

"Sorry, guys. Couldn't resist."

The director slunk in his chair. "Come on, boys. Don't start!"

...

_Take One_

"Well, I think we're going to build a spa." Phineas said, glancing questioningly at his stepbrother. "What do you say, Ferb? It'll give you a chance to do your seaweed rap. You know..." He pressed his hand over his mouth and did a poor imitation of a turntable scratch.

Isabella and Ferb glanced at each other before breaking into giggles. Phineas rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Stop it. My self-esteem is dropping with every snicker."

_Take Two_

Phineas tried to do another impression and ended up biting his tongue. "Ouch!" He cried. "I bit ma tongue!"

"How did you manage that?" Isabella asked in amusement.

"I dunno!" His tongue was beginning to swell and he groaned.

The director shook his head. "Only you, Phineas. Only you."

...

Heinz flipped through his mail when the sound of a cat caught his attention. He glanced to see an adorable little kitty peering up at him. "Aw, what a little cutie. ... What's a cute little love bug like you doing out here all by yourself? OUCH! It bit me! PHINEAS! Did you train Mr. Fluffypants to bite me?"

Phineas snapped his fingers. "No, but I should have. Wish I thought of that."

...

Candace batted her eyes at Jeremy. "Oh wow. Philanthropy."

Stacy frowned. "But what about-"

Candace elbowed her with too much force and Stacy toppled to the ground. Jeremy burst into laughter. "Nice one."

"Sorry!"

"You know-"The director started to say before Stacy interrupted him.

"I know, I know. We can put that in the episode." She muttered in annoyance.

...

"And why am I fighting a giant squid?" Buford asked as he stared at his script.

"Because, apparently, that is how you get seaweed for spas." Baljeet informed him. "I hear that they are giving you a robotic squid to fight with."

"Oh, geez. That's gonna end well." Buford muttered.

Baljeet followed curiously as Buford made his way to the part of the studio that housed the large aqua tank with his robotic squid. "Technology," he grumbled.

Baljeet peered at the water rippling in the tank. "Wow! They are really going all out."

The director strode in along with a few crew members and the camera man. "Are you ready, Buford?"

The burly boy crossed his arms. "Exactly what am I doing?"

"Just walk up to the platform and start fighting with the squid. We'll edit in the background later."

Buford reluctantly made his way up to the platform. He stood above the clear water and stared into the cold metallic eyes of the robotic squid.

All of a sudden the eyes flashed yellow. A tentacle shot out and wrapped quickly around Buford's waist. The boy let out a shrill scream.

Baljeet covered his mouth to hide his laughter. The director sighed. "Buford, you're supposed to be tough! The fans aren't going to buy it if we show you screaming like a girl."

"Give me a warning next time when you turn it on!" Buford snapped.

An engineer slowly moved over to them. "Um...we...didn't turn it on."

"_AAGGHH!"_

...

Major Monogram watched as Perry left the lair. "So, Carl, how are we doing on those pants?"

Carl rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the pants Francis was to put on. "Um...I think Heinz has been near them."

"_WHAT?"_

Francis raced over and stared in horror at the hot-pink parachute pants. "Darn it, Heinz! Those were my favourite pants!"

"Aw, but they go so well with your eyes!"

"Not _now _Carl."

...

"Oh, dear heavens." Stacy groaned as she studied her script. Candace wandered over and glanced over her shoulder.

"What?"

"They have us in a construction scene. With tools. And heavy wooden boards."

"Oh, geez. Better check on my medical insurance." Candace said, half-joking.

"You're on, girls!" A crew member called as he rushed past.

"Let's get this over with." Stacy sighed.

...

_Take One_

Candace swooned as Jeremy neared. Stacy struggled to hold up the piece of plywood as her friend talked to Jeremy. "Oh, you know, we're just over here helping and being all buildery and stuff."

Stacy lost her grip and the wood crashed down on Candace. The redhead moaned dazedly. "Sorry!" Stacy cried.

_Take Two_

"Oh, you know, we're just over here helping and being all buildery and stuff." Candace said casually.

"Ow! I got a splinter!" Stacy yanked her hands away from the board and inspected her throbbing finger. Candace yelped as the board slammed over her head.

"Not again! Stop laughing, Jeremy!"

...

"Okay, we'll just finish this wall and then we'll be able to make it to the..." Candace started to say, her hands holding up the large piece of plywood. "Oh, hey!" She waved eagerly to Jeremy and the board came crashing down on Stacy.

"I'm pretty sure that wasn't in the script." Jeremy said in amusement.

"It was an accident," Candace said unconvincingly.

"Get this off of me!" Stacy hollered.

...

"Oh, Stacy, don't you just love how Jeremy buckles his tool belt on the third loop?" Candace asked dreamily. She plastered the wallpaper over Stacy, causing the girl to shriek in panic.

"Come on, Candace!" The director cried in exasperation.

"Oh, come on. You were thinking of putting this in the episode."

"...yeah."

...

"Bye, Jeremy. It was nice hanging out with you, too. All day." Candace smiled. "Did you hear that? We hung out all day."

As Candace leaned against Stacy, her hand accidently hit the jackhammer button. Stacy screamed as she was carried roughly across the studio by the vibrating jackhammer. Candace winced. "Okay, I swear, that was unintentional!"

"Help me!" Stacy wailed as the jackhammer started destroying the set.

The director tried in vain to muffle his laughter. "All right, someone help the girl out!"

Phineas, Ferb, Buford and Isabella tried desperately to tackle Stacy off of the crazy jackhammer. Heinz raced in after a while and managed to sidestep the possessed tool and whisked Stacy off of the machine.

"Thanks," she wheezed.

Heinz was amused. "You know, I don't think I've ever gotten into _that _much trouble."

...

"I'm sorry we had to clean up everything destroyed and had to rebuild it, I'm especially sorry I made us miss our spa appointment, but most of all, I'm sorry for being a bad friend." Candace said tiredly.

Before she could say anything else a barrage of water balloons came from nowhere and slammed into her. Candace shrieked and tried to fend off the attack. Soon she was dripping water and soaking wet. "Stacy..." she growled.

Stacy grinned. "I got Heinz to help me out. Call it revenge for purposefully dropping a board on me and covering me with wallpaper."

...

"Its spa day. A day to unwind." A soft voice sang as Candace was getting her hair shampooed by two Fireside girls. Candace hummed happily-until some shampoo got into her eyes.

"IT BURNS!"

...

Phineas and Ferb struck their final poses as they finished the rap song. Everyone in the studio gaped. "Huh," Heinz said aloud. "I thought you were joking. You really _can _rap."

Phineas beamed. "Told ya. I just can't do those stupid turntable scratch impressions. You owe me twenty bucks."

Heinz glanced at the director. "Uh...can I have my paycheck early?"

"Sorry. There won't be much left when you replace Francis' pants."

"Drat."

Phineas smiled innocently. "That's okay. Let's just say...you owe me one."

"SOMEONE GIVE ME TWENTY BUCKS!"


	12. Chronicles of Meap Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Chronicles of Meap Bloopers**

Phineas braced his feet against the ground. "It's the bottom of the ninth inning, bases are loaded. It all comes down to this final pitch from Ferb the curve Fletcher. And the wind up."

Ferb shot the baseball towards Phineas. He used his joystick on the baseball launcher to guide the ball into Phineas' glove. "And it's a striiiyiiiiy-"Phineas stretched out the word 'strike' as the ball came closer. Ferb's hand twitched and the joystick jerked. The ball suddenly slammed into Phineas' open mouth.

Ferb winced. "Sorry!"

"Do you have all your teeth?" The director called.

Phineas gingerly removed the ball from his mouth. "Yeah. They're all there. Wrong time to have a muscle spasm dude."

"Alright, back into positions."

"But," Ferb stared at the ball Phineas held out to him. "It has Phineas slobber on it."

...

_Take One_

Linda stared at her daughter before shrugging. "Well, assuming none of that is teenage code for something I should be worried about as a parent, I'm off."

"Bye Mom!" Candace called and raced for the phone. "I got to call Stacy!"

She clutched her Bango-Ru box in one arm and used the other to whack the collection of books off of the coffee table. They flew in all directions-including towards the camera.

Candace yelped as the book crashed into the lens. "Shoot!"

The cameraman groaned. "You cracked the lens!"

"...am I going to have to pay for that?"

...

_Take Two_

Candace scattered the books once more. She flinched as one of them smacked Heinz in the eye. "OUCH!"

"Well, stop hanging around my scenes!" She cried. "Someone always ends up getting hurt."

...

"I just got mine too." Candace said eagerly into the phone. "He's a cross between a cow and a frog. I'm calling him "Señor Frowwg". He's gonna be the cutest thing, you're just going to-"

She yanked out her doll and let out a snort. "You could have warned me this is what it looked like!" She giggled. "Oh man! This is the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Other than Heinz, of course."

"HEY!"

...

"Well you and your little Bango-robot better not show up at the convention and make me look bad." Candace snapped. She turned around to go into the house and stepped on Phineas' baseball launcher. They watched as the ball sailed over the fence and into the parking lot.

The director winced after the sound of shattering glass had passed. "Maybe we should think about shooting the backyard scenes elsewhere."

"Whose car was it this time?" Phineas asked.

Candace stood on her tiptoes and peered. "Francis' car."

"WHAT?"

"Ha!" Heinz shouted.

...

"Good morning Agent P! I wonder what exciting mission we have for you today." Major Monogram said cheerfully.

Instead of scratching Francis' nose like he was supposed to, Carl slapped his face.

"Ow!" Francis shouted. "What was that for?"

"Sorry. I couldn't resist." Carl grinned.

...

"Bango-Ru." Candace muttered as she rode up to meet Stacy. Her bike hit a crack in the sidewalk and she wiped out. "Man! That hurt! Can't we walk to the convention?"

...

"Okay. This thing kind of freaks me out." Phineas muttered. He and Ferb were on break and were staring at the little robot that was Meap. It was indeed super cute and it really did talk. But it was kind of creepy.

"I wonder how this is built." Ferb curiously removed the back panel of the pink and white robot.

Sparks started shooting out from the circuitry and the green-haired boy hastily replaced the cover. He and Phineas scuttled away as the robot malfunctioned. "If anyone asks, it was Heinz' fault." Ferb whispered.

...

"Sure, I still haven't gotten my "You wouldn't know cute if it bit your legs off" accomplishment patch." Isabella said sarcastically.

Phineas beamed. "Cool! Let's go!" He walked five feet before pausing. "Come on. I can't be _that _oblivious."

The director shrugged. "The fans like seeing you completely clueless when it comes to romance."

Isabella sighed. "And you ruined a perfectly good scene. Now Ferb is going to have to hit himself in the head with a wrench again."

"_What?" _

...

Perry burrowed his way through the carpet and tried to break himself out. He shoved at the thick material but it would not give. Perry gave a distressed chatter. The director sighed. "Someone grab the scissors. We got a trapped platypus."

...

Heinz thrust his arms out and grinned. "Beholding...keep beholding...still beholding...my arms hurt...can I stop beholding?"

...

Ferb grinned gleefully. The director shook his head warily. "Okay. All you have to do is drive this car down the street. That's it. Can you manage that?"

"Of course." The green-haired boy jumped into the front seat and grabbed the wheel. Everyone groaned and huddled against the buildings lining the street.

"This will not end well." Phineas muttered as Ferb gunned the engine.

"Action!" The director called.

Ferb took off like a speeding bullet. He rushed right past Vanessa and continued heading for the wall at the end of the street.

"HIT THE BRAKES!" The director screamed.

Ferb apparently did not hear him and slammed right into the wall. Smoke spilled from the hood and Phineas jogged over. "Ferb! Buddy, you alright?"

Ferb tumbled from the wrecked car and collapsed in the street. "Something's wrong with the breaking mechanism," he muttered.

"No kidding, Sherlock."

...

Candace and Stacy walked into the Bango-Ru convention. Stacy clapped her hands over her eyes. "TOO MUCH COLOUR!"

...

"Why do you think Meap is so cute?" Isabella asked irritably. "What is cute anyway?"

"Cute is the opposite of what you are." Phineas replied with a straight face. Isabella glared at him and he grinned. "Come on, that was a golden opportunity."

"If there's ever a scene in a future episode where we have to kiss, I am so eating a lot of garlic and onion laden food that day." Isabella snapped.

...

Mitch was about to suit up when Phineas jogged by. "Hey, dude. Ready for chaos?"

The actor groaned. "Why do you say that? This is an easy scene!"

Phineas laughed. "You've obviously never been around here before."

...

"Oh, I get it! Duh." Candace slapped her forehead. "You're trying to tell me something!"

Meap stared at her. The baseball he had shot earlier came soaring down, nailing Candace on the head.

"Ouch! Meap!"

"Don't blame the robot, Candace." The director called.

...

"You know when you walk around in socks on carpet and get a little static shock?" Heinz asked as he hurriedly got changed behind a screen. "Well, guess what?" He jumped out with flourish in his carpet suit.

Phineas and Ferb broke into hysterical laughter. They held onto each other in support as tears streamed down their faces. Perry struggled to keep a straight face and failed.

The director scowled. "Get out of here!" He snapped at the two boys.

"Wait, wait!" Ferb pressed a hand over his mouth. "I'm fine! I'll be quiet."

"I can't." Phineas held his stomach as he stumbled off-set. "That is too funny. Aw, man."

Heinz was not impressed.

...

Phineas, Ferb and Isabella raced for the doors. They were supposed to slide open automatically so they could run through.

It didn't happen.

The three kids slammed into the firmly shut doors. Phineas rolled over and glared at Mitch. "An easy scene, huh?"

...

"They'll be where the cool stuff is." Candace predicted. The three kids pressed their faces against the glass suddenly, startling Candace. "AGH! Guys! Knock it off!"

...

Heinz gathered all the static electricity he could and grinned manically. He reached out and grabbed the controls. He let out a yelp of pain as he got the biggest shock of his life. "OW! You didn't tell me that would happen!"

"Well, if I had, you wouldn't have done the scene."

...

"You changed Balloony!" Heinz cried. "And I thought-"He broke into giggles and Mitch rolled his eyes.

"Do they do that often?"

"Yes," the director said tiredly. "What is it now, Heinz?"

"It's like I'm breaking up with someone. And this someone is a balloon. I'm breaking up with a balloon. Isn't that at all weird?"

"You're in a suit made up of carpet pieces in the shape of a sock. I think we've passed the weirdness stage long ago."

...

Mitch and Meap started their fight scene. Mitch punched Meap and the robot sailed into the wall and broke into a few pieces. "Whoops."

"You're supposed to let the robot win!" The director cried.

"That's not a phrase I thought I'd ever hear." Mitch muttered.

...

Candace stared at the big blob with dozens of eyes. "It's a monster! Run!"

"Actually, it's my mother-in-law. So she's right. Run!"

Phineas and Ferb lagged behind as the others took off. "Wait...if that's his mother-in-law, then who did he marry?"

"Don't picture the possibilities!" The director hollered. "Just run!"

**The relationships in the show (Phinabella, Ferbnessa ect.) are not real in my blooper fic. Isabella and the gang only **_**act **_**like their in love with a particular person. So Phineas and Isabella don't really like each other in that way.**

**Hope I cleared up some questions :)**

**For the record, this was written at one in the morning when inspiration struck. I apologize if it's crap.**


	13. Ballad of Badbeard Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Ballad of Badbeard Bloopers**

"Where legend has it Badbeard buried his bountiful booty." Grandpa Flynn said mysteriously.

Phineas tried to keep his expression quizzical. A snort escaped him and he clapped his hands over his mouth. Isabella rolled her eyes and smirked. "It was the word 'booty', wasn't it?"

...

"Does anyone have a concertina?" Grandpa Flynn asked. His eyes strayed to the burly boy sitting beside Baljeet. "Buford?"

"Me?" Buford asked in fake-shock. Everyone continued staring at him. He sighed. "Yes." He pulled the instrument from behind his back and went to play. An ear-shattering note pierced the forest air and everyone shrieked in pain.

"Buford!" Baljeet cried as he pressed his hands over his ears. "Stop it!"

"You're attracting bats! And it's the middle of the day!" Isabella shrieked as bats started swarming over them.

"Give me a break! I only had a week of lessons!"

...

"Oh dear. I seem to be missing my underpants." Baljeet sighed.

Buford cackled and pointed at the flagpole. Ferb arched an eyebrow at the slim pair of pink panties. "Uh..."

"Okay, which one of you perverts stole my underwear?" Candace demanded.

"Candace! Buford!" The director cried.

...

The group hiked up the steep hill and Baljeet tripped on a rock. He stumbled backwards and rolled all the way back down...and into the lake.

"You okay, buddy?" Phineas called down.

Baljeet spluttered as he climbed out of the water. "I am fine. But my underpants are not."

The director groaned. "Keep it clean, people."

...

"I don't like the looks of my script." Candace said flatly.

"What's up?" Isabella asked.

"In one scene, I have to fall out of a tree and be dragged across a lake."

"Better check up on your medical insurance."

...

"Candace!" The director cried in exasperation. "Just _fall_!"

The actress clung to the highest branch. She stared fearfully at the ground below. "The air mattress looks ridiculously small from up here. I might miss!"

"You won't miss!" The director assured her. "Just let go of the branch and fall."

With a groan, Candace complied. She shrieked loudly as she tumbled down, striking branch after branch and getting a few leaves in the face. She braced herself for impact.

The director winced. "Huh. She actually missed..."

"Ow."

...

"Perry has a jet ski?" Candace asked in amazement. "How weird can this get?"

"It gets much weirder, Kevin." The Talking Zebra said cheerfully. Candace stared at him for a moment before screaming as she was lugged across the dock and into the water. Her face gave a sickening crack as it smacked off of the wood.

The director rubbed the back of his neck. "Her nose is bleeding. A lot. Someone get a band-aid."

...

"A treasure map?" Buford asked incredulously, briefly distracted from his sword fight with Baljeet.

The Indian boy took advantage of this and swung his stick. His aim was a little lower than he intended and Buford crumpled to the ground, a shrill scream of pain escaping him. Baljeet took a few steps back.

"Well, that was not intentional. But consider it payback for something you will do to me in the future."

...

Candace climbed the boulder, giggling madly and covered in seaweed.

"Oh, gross!" Phineas cried. "What's that? Oh-sorry. It's just your face."

"PHINEAS!"

...

"We seek adventure and romance!" Isabella proclaimed, hanging on to the rope ladders with one hand. She lost her grip and fell off, toppling into the lake.

"Woman overboard!" Baljeet called.

"Leave her there!" Buford hollered.

...

_Take One_

"Why do my nostrils whisper to me?" Candace sang. She immediately burst into giggles. "Sorry! Sorry."

_Take Fifteen_

"Why do my-_he he he_." Candace snorted and shook her head. "Man, I can't do this."

The director sighed. "Take five."

...

Buford rowed the dingy to the shore. Something sharp pinched his bottom and he yelped, rocketing upwards and splashing into the water.

"Oh for the love of-Buford! What happened?"

"I sat on a crab!"

...

"Not all at once!" Phineas cried.

The bridge snapped and they grabbed for the rope railing. Baljeet missed and tumbled to the air mattress below.

"Oh sure." Candace muttered. "Everyone can land on an air mattress but me."

"Let it go, Candace."

...

"Perhaps the true treasure is friendship and the spirit of adventure." Baljeet suggested.

"What is this, an after school special?" Phineas asked.

Everyone giggled. The director rolled his eyes. "Hilarious."

...

Phineas slowly opened the treasure chest. Purple and green fireworks exploded and lit up the dark cave set. Phineas yelped and scrambled backwards. Isabella and Buford raced off as sparklers strayed too close for their liking. Baljeet yelped as bats swooped down, irritated at being disturbed.

"Thanks for causing the chaos, Heinz."

"Anytime."

...

Candace stumbled into Heinz's lair, cackling madly. Heinz gasped and moved back a few steps. "The sea hag! She-"He burst into laughter at the same time as Candace.

"What now?" The director groaned.

"This is so weird!" Candace held her stomach. "I can't do this! I won't get through it."

"How am I supposed to keep a straight face?" Heinz asked.

The director closed his eyes. "And here I thought I hired professionals."

...

Agent E swooped down and caught Candace and Perry. The actress' belt snapped and she tumbled to the water below with Perry following behind her.

The director threw his arms in the air. "This is what I get for using real animals and real scenery."

...

"Well Ferb, matey, our first-"Phineas turned to glance at Ferb and snorted. "Dude, why did you pick that beard?"

Ferb stroked the hot pink and purple beard he was wearing. "I wanted to see how difficult I could make this scene for you."

"Change beards, Ferb."

"All right, Mr. Director. Whatever you say."

**A short one :P But hopefully good xD **


	14. Summer Belongs to You Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Summer Belongs to You Bloopers**

"Mom!" Candace cried into her cell phone. "Do you hear that?"

"_I can't hear anything over this road construction." _Linda snapped back.

"They built a giant robot in the backyard that's-Phineas, will you turn that thing off?" Just as Candace uttered her line the robot tripped on the jump rope. Phineas yelped as the giant metal contraption tilted backwards, arms flailing.

"TIMBER!"

The set vibrated from the crash. Ferb inched up to the robot and poked it. "It's dead."

The director rubbed a hand down his face. "This is the first scene. The first scene and something already broke."

Phineas grinned. "Fun times are ahead."

...

"We built a rollercoaster, travelled through time twice, discovered Atlantis-"

Ferb lost his grip on the book and it fell right onto Phineas' foot. "OUCH! I think you just broke my toe!"

"Now you know how I feel." Heinz muttered.

...

"There's the rub. Right next to the ducks. I'm also packing this book of puns." Lawrence said cheerfully. Candace tried to keep a straight face and failed.

Phineas scratched his head offset. "I don't get it."

Ferb rolled his eyes. "The rub is next to the ducks. _Rub_ber _duck_ies."

"Ha! That's a good one."

"Dummkopf."

"Hey!"

...

Isabella hammered on Buford's trailer door. "Buford! It's time for our scene!"

An irritated grumbling came from inside. A bout of snoring followed. Isabella put her hands on her hips. "I know it's five in the morning. I'm tired to. But get your lazy butt out here!"

No response. "Alright. I guess we're playing dirty." Isabella hurried off in search of a bucket and some water. A few minutes later she was perched on Buford's trailer roof, the hatch open. Buford was directly below, slumbering on the couch. Isabella tipped the bucket over and ice-cold water spilled onto Buford. The burly boy yelped in surprise and fell off the couch. Isabella giggled.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

Buford grunted. "You're gonna get it Princess."

"Sure. Just get ready before the director gets _us_."

...

"Yeah. I bet you. And if you lose you're going to have get up in front of everyone and say that you are governed by the law of physics and law isn't whatever you make it. And what's more-"Buford took a deep breath and collapsed. "Too much dialog!"

...

Baljeet eagerly took out his camera and snapped a picture of Clay Aiken. The flash startled the singer and he fell off of the plane wing.

The director rolled his eyes. "Maybe we'll try it without the flash."

...

The gate to the backyard burst open. Instead of Chaka Khan running in like everyone expected, it was Heinz dressed as Ferb, singing in his off-key tone.

Phineas keeled over in laughter. Tears ran down his face as he pounded the grass with his fist. Isabella rolled beside him, giggling madly. "I-can't-breathe!"

Ferb closed his eyes. "I hate you all."

...

Clay Aiken sang the last few notes. The plane wing was supposed to fall off. The director threw his hands in the air. "Sure, when we _want _something to break, it doesn't!"

...

"Hey, Agent P. Major Monogram isn't here right now but he left this note. _Dear Carl, I haven't been kidnapped so-_"

"I do not sound like that!" Francis complained.

"Shut up! You're supposed to be kidnapped right now! Someone duct tape his mouth!"

"Oh no you don't!"

...

"Ah, there's my bag now!" Heinz exclaimed. He grabbed onto the metal handles of the dolly and tried pulling it off the conveyer belt. He couldn't get it off and was dragged down the conveyer belt. "Help me!"

...

"You're asking me to go to the City of Love with you?" Isabella asked.

"Yeah. It'll be fun."

"Eh, no thanks. I'll wait until someone cooler asks me."

Phineas punched her in the shoulder. Ferb pointed at him. "Assault!"

...

The director clasped his hands together as Ferb gunned the engine on the plane. "Don't hit the house, don't the house, don't hit the house!"

Right on cue the house lowered and safe from the destructive force of his child actors and actresses. The director threw his arms in the air in victory. "Hallelujah!"

...

"It sucks that we don't have an actual jet plane to fly." Phineas said with a sigh.

Candace rolled her eyes. "Who cares? We actually get to go to Tokyo and Paris! And a deserted island in the middle of nowhere!"

"Please," the director begged as they filed through the security check at the airport. "Don't start an international incident."

...

"Are we allowed to do this?" Vanessa asked. She stared at the massive water balloon tied to the top of the Tokyo Tower.

"It took a lot of begging and negotiating." The director remarked. "But we got it."

"This will end well."

...

Bright colours flashed throughout the street of Tokyo. The Stacy look-alikes danced wildly, their hands flapping and the lyrics coming out of their mouths barely distinguishable. Candace lost control and fell to the ground, laughing hysterically.

"This is so ridiculous!"

"I'm getting a headache!" Baljeet moaned and rubbed his head. "Someone stop flashing the lights."

"They have stopped."

"...oh, great."

...

Vanessa leaned over the railing of the Tokyo Tower. She texted lazily while everyone got ready for their scene.

"BOO!"

Vanessa yelped and jumped. Her phone flew from her hands and fell below. She watched in dismay as it shattered against the cement. "Heinz!"

Heinz backed up a few steps. "Parley?"

...

"You want me to get knocked off of Tokyo Tower?" Vanessa asked in disbelief.

The director sighed. "You'll land in a safety net. We'll shoot the part where you land on the plane later and edit it all together. You'll be fine."

"You say that to Candace and she gets hurt. You say that to Heinz and he gets hurt." Vanessa pointed out.

"They have terrible luck."

The teen agreed reluctantly. She had a cell phone to replace and needed a paycheck to do it. She braced herself as the water balloon swung and knocked her clean into the air. She screamed as she sailed over the railing and landed in the safety net.

Heinz stared down in amazement. "Now see, if I had done that, the net would have ripped and I would have fallen to my doom."

"Can I please get untied now?" Francis whined. "I can't feel my arms."

...

"I have to save my daughter!" Heinz exclaimed. "It's a big deal."

The water balloon slammed into him and he went sprawling. "Ouch!"

Francis laughed. "Ha! That's hilarious! AGH! It's coming right at me! MOVE ME PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"

...

"Yeah, Klimpaloon. The magic, old-timey bathing suit that lives in the Himalayas." Phineas informed.

Candace stared at him. "Who writes this stuff?"

"I don't know. I read it, I memorize it and I get paid. I don't really question it any further."

...

"Are you kids ready?" The director asked.

The crew, all bundled up in coats and scarves, were standing at the top of a massive ski hill. The kids were packed into the wingless plane. Baljeet rubbed his bare arms and scowled. "Why do we not get scarves?"

"Because you didn't travel with coats or scarves." The director answered. "Now when I say action, you're going to be sliding down this mountain and over the gorge."

"We are going to die." Vanessa said flatly. "Why can't we get stunt people to do it?"

"He has issues with giving us stunt people." Candace muttered bitterly.

The director closed the glass cover. "Get ready. And don't forget to scream."

"You won't have to worry about that." Isabella leaned against the red seat. "Brace yourselves, guys."

Everyone got into position. "ACTION!"

Right on cue the body of the plane slid down the hill. Snow flew in all directions and the kids screamed loudly. They soared over the gorge and twirled in the air. Isabella tumbled out of her seat and jostled the Baljeet, who fell forwards and accidently hit the ejection button. Buford shrieked as he was shot out of the plane and into a mound of snow.

The director sighed. "We'll have to do it again. Come on guys. Wear your seatbelts."

"I'm okay," Buford snapped sarcastically. "Thanks for asking."

...

"So Candace. What is Ferb short for?" Vanessa asked.

"Doofus-Face."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

...

The musical number for _Rubber Bands, Rubber Balls_ ended and they struck into their final poses. Phineas glanced up at Baljeet's uncle and opened his mouth. "Uh...shoot. I forgot my line."

"I want you to take notice of something." The director crossed his arms. "The guest dancers pulled this scene off perfectly. You had one line through this whole scene and you mess it up. I don't understand."

Phineas grinned sheepishly. "I've been taking acting lessons from Heinz."

"Shut up, squirt!" Heinz yelled.

...

"Here's your parachute, mask and goggles."

"Wow you have everything. Can I have a cup of hot chocolate-"

Francis pressed the ejection button and Heinz went flying. Perry chattered in amusement when Heinz missed the mountain completely and landed in the freezing lake. Francis laughed. "Someone better thaw him out."

The director threw his hands in the air. "He missed. He missed a _mountain_. Are we cursed?"

...

They were shooting the scenes that would be shown with the song _Bouncing Around the World. _Phineas and Ferb popped up from behind the seats with pizza and spaghetti. Candace couldn't stop the snort. "Okay, now he really _does _look like Luigi."

"CANDACE!"

...

Baljeet dug his fork into the spaghetti he was sharing with Buford. He slurped at a noodle and froze when he came to the realization that Buford was at the other end of the noodle. He grinned nervously. Instead of slamming the plate of spaghetti over his head like he was supposed to Buford gave Baljeet a loud kiss.

"UGH!" Baljeet tumbled out of the plane and landed on the floor of the green screen. "MOUTHWASH! DISINFECTANT! MINTS! TOOTHPASTE! SOMETHING!"

Phineas held his stomach and laughed hysterically. "Dude!"

Buford shrugged. "I had to."

Ferb high-fived him. "Did you see his _face_?"

...

"We're in Paris." The director informed his cast as they filed out of the airport. "We're going to be here for a couple of days. _Please _don't start an international incident."

Phineas rolled his eyes. "You're overreacting. We can't cause that much trouble."

"I beg to differ."

...

Vanessa rode up on a scooter. "Hop on, Ferb."

"You rented a scooter!" Phineas exclaimed. "Good job."

"Yeah...rented." The Goth teen tried speeding off again but the scooter would not budge. "It's busted. Are we going to have to walk?"

"Vanessa, you took the key out."

"Oh. Stop laughing, Ferb!"

...

"There he is! Jer-"Candace froze as she watched someone hand Jeremy an ice-cream cone. They all giggled and Candace quickly hid behind the metal post. It seemed weird, now that she thought about it. She had come all the way to Paris to see him. It was kind of-

"Hey, stalker!" Jeremy called. "Want some ice-cream?"

Candace rolled her eyes and smirked at him. "You only have a few lines. And you chose to mess them up. Do you want a paycheck this week?"

Jeremy glanced at the director's irritated expression. "Sorry. I'll behave."

...

"_Why don't you stop and smell the flowers?" _Isabella sang as she received a bouquet from the florist. She went to sniff them and squealed when a bee flew up at her. "OUCH! It stung my nose!"

Phineas clapped his hands. "Does that mean we can take a break and go pastry shopping?"

...

"_How do I look in this beret?" _Isabella turned around with a purple beret on her head. Phineas stared at her.

"Ugly."

At her smoldering glare he took a few steps back. "There's not a kiss scene in this special, is there? I think I saw her eating garlic bread for lunch."

...

"Ferb?" Vanessa asked curiously. She turned her attention back to the scenery in front of her. Heinz shot upwards and accidently smacked heads with her.

"Ouch!" Vanessa yelped. "Geez! Way to make an entrance!"

"It's about time you got here!" The director snapped. "You were supposed to be here yesterday!"

"Well, I would have, but..."

Francis grinned. "He got arrested."

When Heinz went to explain the director shook his head. "NO! I don't care. I have a feeling I don't want to know. Perfect timing, anyway. We were going to add you in later. Alright, back from the beginning."

...

"That's too bad." Phineas said sympathetically. "I just thought, you know, a boy, a girl, alone in the City of Love. I thought romance was a foregone conclusion."

Isabella reared back and punched him in the shoulder. "Ow!"

"That was for calling me ugly."

"That was in good humour!" Phineas cried.

"And so was the punch." Isabella smiled sweetly. "Shall we go again?"

...

"I'm Candace Flynn! Lifeguard! Time traveller!" Candace scaled the engine and her foot slipped. She toppled into the water and yelled in frustration. _"Every time!"_

...

"We were in Paris!" Isabella quavered. "The most romantic city in the world! And he didn't even notice me." She blew her nose loudly and burst into giggles.

"The laughing defeats the emotional purpose of the scene, Isabella." The director said tiredly.

"Sorry. I just got a sudden flashback of Buford planting one on Baljeet."

"NEVER AGAIN!"

...

"Look!" Phineas cried. "SpongeBob and Patrick! Maybe they can help us!"

"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" The director shouted.

...

Ferb removed the map from his pocket and it started to expand. It covered the entire-and the cast who were too slow to get out of the way.

"Careful when you're climbing out!" The director cautioned. "Do you know how long it took the props department to make that?"

...

"You actually want us to jump the ditch?" Candace asked in disbelief. "And I'm on a tricycle."

"You'll-"

"Do fine." Candace muttered. "Sure, whatever."

Everyone stood at the top of the hill on their bikes. "Action!" The director called.

The kids sped down the hill on their bikes. "We'll never make it!" Candace cried.

"You just have to believe!" Phineas shouted.

"I believe!" Isabella cheered.

"I believe!" Baljeet agreed.

"I believe!" Buford bellowed.

Ferb flashed a thumbs up.

Candace swallowed. "Okay, I-"Her front wheel hit a crack in the sidewalk and she wiped out. "I don't believe this."

...

_Take One_

"Hey Candace!"

"Jeremy!" Candace cried and ran up to him. "You came back early."

"I missed my girlfriend."

Candace grinned. "I like the sound of that."

"And besides, you forgot something in France."

"I did? What?"

Jeremy leaned forwards and kissed her. Candace immediately started laughing. Jeremy pulled back and grinned. "This is so awkward."

"You have to do it!" The director said warningly.

Candace giggled. "Okay, okay."

_Take Ten_

"And besides, you forgot something in France."

"I did? What?"

Jeremy leaned in a little before laughing. "Oh man. We're never gonna get this done."

_Take Fifty_

"I did? What?"

This time the kiss went successfully. The director threw his hands in the air. "Amen!"

Phineas tugged on his arm. "Boss? The lens cap was on the camera."

"WHAT?"

"Just kidding!" Phineas laughed. "You should have seen your face-which is now turning purple. Well, see ya'll later!"

Ferb shook his head as the director chased Phineas around the backyard set. "Show business."

**I do not own Luigi from Mario and Luigi and I do not own SpongeBob and Patrick. Happy Summer holidays! xD**


	15. Vanessassary Roughness Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb. **

**Vanessassary Roughness Bloopers**

"Dad," Vanessa snapped in annoyance. "I can't keep riding on the back of your scooter. It's embarrassing!"

The second she finished her line the scooter jolted harshly to the right and the riders were sent sprawling to the pavement. Vanessa's helmeted-head smacked off of thee concrete and stars flashed across her vision for a brief moment. "Ow..."

"What happened?" The direction asked.

One of the crew members inspected the scooter. "It's a flat. Must have run over a piece of glass or something."

"Okay you fix it and I'll just take a nap." Heinz said dazedly and curled up on the hot sidewalk.

Phineas leaned towards Ferb. "Go get a glass of warm water. I know what we're gonna do to Heinz today!"

...

Vanessa and Heinz drove by the Flynn-Fletcher vehicle. Ferb turned to look out the window and his eyes grew wide upon seeing Vanessa.

"Ferb's got a girlfriend, Ferb's got a girlfriend!"

"Knock it off, Candace!" Ferb snapped.

...

"Wow, think of it, Ferb, 52,637,000 square acres of unbridled consumerism all under one roof." Phineas said in awe.

Ferb attempted to whistle but all that came out were globs of spit. Phineas wrinkled his nose. "Nice one, dude."

"They didn't teach how to whistle on cue at acting school!" Ferb protested.

"For the last time, going to drama camp for _one _summer does _not _mean you have the right to say you went to acting school!"

...

"Come on," Phineas coaxed the dog. "Drop the dumb computerized bone so Perry can get his stupid mission!"

But the dog didn't relinquish the piece of technology. Rather than dropping the bone in front of Perry like he was supposed to the mutt just slobbered over it cheerfully. Phineas sighed. "I'm not getting much of a reaction."

"Then take it from him!" The director snapped.

"Then we'll be playing tug of war with a five hundred dollar piece of equipment. It'll either break beyond repair or it'll be fine. Take your pick."

"I did not think this scene through." The director sighed.

"No." Phineas agreed. "No you did not."

...

Perry raced to the middle of a men's clothing section and glanced around. He froze upon seeing his owners coming so close and went to disguise himself.

"Hey, look Ferb! There's Perry! Hi Perry!" Phineas waved dramatically and Ferb grinned.

Perry rolled his eyes and smirked.

"Are you going on a mission?" Ferb played along.

The platypus nodded.

"Then let's go kick the crap outta Doofenshmirtz!" Phineas hollered and the two boys raced after the agent.

The director stared at the ceiling. "Kids and animals. Never freaking work with kids and animals. Especially kids and animals that are smart-a-"

"Whoa," his producer cautioned. "Family friendly environment here."

...

Vanessa stared in confusion at the projector. "Where did you get the-?"

"It's gone!" Heinz cried and swung his arm out to point at the empty display case. He accidently hit Vanessa in the nose. The girl stumbled back and groaned. "Sorry!"

"Why is it someone always gets hurt when they're with you?" Vanessa asked.

Heinz grinned sheepishly. "Sweetie, this is the Phineas and Ferb studio. _Everyone _gets injured-physically and emotionally-in the Phineas and Ferb studio."

...

"What luck!" Baljeet exclaimed. " With Pizzazium Infinionite that science prize is as good as mine!"

The Indian boy accidently let go of the item and it slammed into the ground. Baljeet gulped nervously and sidestepped the glass shards. "Was that expensive?"

"Let's just say you won't be getting much of a paycheck this week."

"Nuts," Baljeet sighed sadly.

...

"I can do it!" Vanessa said eagerly. "I can get this pizza thing for you and I'll prove I'm responsible."

"But I don't want pizza. I want my Pizzazium Infinionite." Heinz grinned.

Vanessa scowled. "I'm hungry! Leave me alone."

...

"You can't just expect the perfect gift to fall out of the sky." Stacy pointed out.

"Yeah but-" Candace extended her hands outwards and the Pizzazium Infinionite missed-and slammed onto Stacy's head.

"I don't feel good." Stacy mumbled before collapsing.

"Medic!" The director hollered. "Buford, you missed! Now we're gonna have to delay production-pooh, I'm not happy."

...

"When Jeremy looks into its bright glow, he'll think of me." Candace said dreamily. "Hey what's this?"

The box in her hands exploded. A cloud of flour surrounded them and the two shrieked and started hacking. "It's in my lungs!" Stacy wheezed.

"It's in my eyes!" Candace cried.

The director rubbed his eyes. "Buford, are you _trying _to kill my actresses?"

"No. I'm trying to annoy them."

"Well, it's working."

...

"Ferb, I think I know what I want to do every day." Phineas sighed contently.

The green-haired boy glanced at the massage chair settings and twisted the dial to the highest one. The chair Phineas was on started shaking madly. The redhead was thrust from side to side and he screamed in panic. "FERB! TURN IT DOWN-OUCH! I bit ma tongue again!"

...

"Gotta get it, gotta get it, gotta get it," Baljeet chanted as he and Buford sped across the mall in a shopping cart. Ferb jumped up and went to tackle Vanessa out of the way. He's timing was off and they both got plowed into. The cart turned over and the group rolled on the ground.

"Agonizing pain." Ferb groaned and held his side.

"Where's our hazard pay?" Buford demanded, holding his bloody nose. "I think I broke my nose. And my ribs. And my butt. STOP LAUGHING, DINNER BELL."

...

"That lantern was the perfect gift." Candace sighed. She walked a little further than she was supposed to.

"Candace-" Stacy started to warn but it was too late.

The cart flew by and there was a sickening _crunch. _Candace slowly lowered to the ground and closed her eyes.

The director threw his clipboard aside. "Screw it. Tell the broadcasting station this episode won't be airing for another few more months."

"The reason?" His assistant asked.

"We're cursed."

...

Perry tipped over a bucket of marbles and the cart skidded over them. Baljeet yelped in panic as the cart careened towards the shelves. "Brace yourselves!"

Buford squeezed his eyes shut. The impact jolted them both and Baljeet watched in awe as a domino effect was created, each shelf taking down the next one. "Well, we are alive."

Perry scratched his head and shrugged. The blame couldn't be on him. He did what he was supposed to have done.

"I hate my job." The director muttered.

...

Vanessa raced up the stack of crates and jumped for the Pizzazium Infinionite. She missed and struck the ground below. "Ouch..."

...

Ferb jumped on the trampoline and shot for the hanging crate. Instead of landing on top of it he slammed right into its side.

"Everyone's medical insurance is going through the roof this month." Vanessa sighed. "Hang on, Ferb. I'll get the First Aid kit."

...

Ferb extended his arms to catch Vanessa. He managed to do so but he couldn't support the weight and they fell to the ground. "Good job."

"You're heavy!" Ferb protested.

"I'm WHAT?" Vanessa shrieked.

"Back track!" Phineas hollered. "Stick your foot in your mouth! Compliment her! Give her chocolate!"

"I'm ten years old!" Ferb explained before Vanessa could blow a gasket. "How am I supposed to support a sixteen year old?"

Vanessa harrumphed. "Fine. Whatever."

"That's how to get out of the doghouse!" Phineas cheered.

...

Vanessa swallowed nervously and slid between the two shelving units. She made it a quarter of the way down before she stopped sliding. "Uh...guys? I'm stuck!"

...

"I will take that!" Baljeet grinned triumphantly and snatched the Pizzazium Infinionite from Vanessa. The cart sped down the aisle and Candace and Stacy were in quick pursuit on roller skates. Vanessa hung back and watched warily as the speeding lawnmower joined.

The cart suddenly flipped over and the two boys were thrown out. Candace and Stacy tripped over the cart and went sprawling into the wall. The lawnmower started sparking and smoking as it struggled to go over the metal cart.

"Better the cart then me," Candace muttered.

...

"Here we go," Candace groaned nervously. She and Stacy were struggling on the escalators and Baljeet and Buford sped towards them. The two girls ended up in the cart with the boys and they all braced themselves.

The cart squealed to a halt and the kids were thrown out. The director closed his eyes.

"Right through the window."

...

Ferb frantically searched through his Swiss Army knife for the scissors. He was too slow and he was forced to jump off the escalator to avoid the blades of the lawnmower. There was the horrifying sound of grinding gears as the lanterns got sucked in.

Vanessa stared as her dummy got eaten up. "Well. I'm very glad you decided to edit the real me in later."

The director shook his head. "With the problems we've been having with this episode, I decided not to risk anything. Good thing to, or else you would have been killed. And how am I going to explain _that _to _my _bosses? _Oh yes, there was a slight mishap on set. One of my actresses got killed by a lawnmower. _Yeah. I don't think so."

**...yeah. Lots of pain in this chapter. I wasn't exactly in much of a humorous mood xD **


	16. Ready for the Bettys Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Ready for the Bettys Bloopers**

"We are giving free tickets away to anyone who wants to see our girl rockers the Betty's," the radio announcer boomed.

Candace and Stacy looked at each other excitedly and screamed. The window pane behind them cracked right down the middle.

"Aw, come on!" The director complained. "The day just started!"

...

"Oh, it's busy!" Candace complained, glaring at her cell phone. "I've just gotta win. Clearly I'm your biggest fan. See, even my Betty boom box which rests on my Betty bedside table next to my Betty bed runs on Betty batteries."

"Obsession rocks!" Stacy cheered, pulling on her hair in excitement.

"I know," Candace agreed. "Ooh! It's ringing!"

Stacy started biting her fingernails nervously. "Ouch! I bit my finger!"

Candace lowered her cell phone and peered at the injury. "Looks like you broke through the skin."

"Am I going to need a tetanus shot?" Stacy asked anxiously.

The director pressed a hand to his forehead. "Save me now."

...

The two girls headed towards the purple bus parked outside the Flynn-Fletcher house. "I bet the bus driver is a spaced-out rocker." Stacy said eagerly.

The bus doors slid open. "H-Hello, girls. My name is Dennis, and I'm with the radio station."

A pig resting behind the seat snorted. "That is Sir Bacon, the band's mascot. According to our focus groups, girls your age overwhelmingly find that cool."

Before the girls could reply, the pig suddenly perked up and barreled towards them. Candace shrieked as the pig knocked her to the ground and sat on her chest, snorting. Stacy grinned. "I didn't think you smelled too great either. I think you found your life-mate."

"Shut up," Candace wheezed. "And get pork chop off of me. He's crushing my chest."

...

"Check this out." Crash muttered to her band mates. She got up and slung an arm around Candace. Immediately she pulled it back. "Ouch! I scratched myself on your dog collar necklace thing."

Candace gingerly prodded it. "It's a stupid costume idea, isn't it? I tried telling them."

"...I suggested it." Crash muttered.

Stacy winced as Candace turned red. "Awkward."

...

"Hey, where's Perry?" Phineas asked, glancing around the yard. "Huh. I wonder where he goes when we can't find him." He leaned against the tree and yelped as he fell through the paper-mache prop.

"What is this?" Ferb asked, poking it. "What happened to the tree with the secret hatch?"

"That is a very good question." The director stood up and surveyed his workers. "Okay. Who's the wise guy that replaced our fancy tree with this cheap budget-approved one?"

Heinz grinned sheepishly. "Me."

"Why?"

"I kind of broke the other one."

"YOU KIND OF BROKE THE OTHER ONE?" The director cried. "How?"

Heinz tugged at his collar. "Uh...it involves Perry the Platypus, Norm and a dare-"

"Never mind!" The director said quickly. "Never mind. We'll just get the fancy tree fixed and move on."

Phineas climbed out from the hole he had made. "You know, I kind of want to know what happened."

Ferb shook his head. "It would probably be best if we stayed in the dark. If he explains, we might be traumatized for life."

...

"Wow. What in the world? A secret underground headquarters with a particle disruptor and, oh, a hovercraft." Phineas exclaimed as he looked around. "Okay, wait, hold it. Are we really going to be so oblivious that we don't notice everything is platypus themed?"

The director arched an eyebrow. "You're Phineas Flynn-the guy completely clueless about Isabella's obvious crush on you."

"Alright, carry on."

...

"Sweet!" Phineas cheered. "We got our mission, Agent F. To the hover jet."

The boys raced for the white and teal vehicle and jumped in. Phineas floored the gas and they took off-right through the wall.

"That's going to cost me a pretty penny." The director sighed. "Why can't I have actors that don't have road rage?"

...

Candace took the letter Stacy handed her. "Ahem."Beloved Bettys, your band is the biggest, baddest, most bangin' buncha -" Hey, this is my letter. They didn't even read it." She complained.

Stacy shrugged and peeled open another envelope. "Yeah, but don't forget - we are on the bus helping the band write a song." She leaned over the shredder and fed the envelope to it. "Candace-CANDACE! My shirt is caught in the shredder!"

...

Candace stared nervously at the road below her as the bus sped down the road. _I really want a stunt double. _"You know, Stacy, I'm beginning to think that The Bettys have just been taking advantage of us this whole time."

Before Stacy could respond the ropes holding Candace to the bus snapped. The redhead shrieked as she slammed into the cement. The bus squealed to a stop.

"Are you okay Candace?" The director asked, crossing the road and towards the bleeding actress.

"No! I landed on a raccoon."

...

Heinz cackled. "Heh-heh. My automatic tennis ball server can go all night, Perry the Plat-"

Perry the Platypus spun the tennis machine around. Instead of aiming for the –Inator, it pointed at Heinz and a tennis ball struck him right between the legs. Perry winced and chattered an apology.

"Not cool, man." Heinz wheezed. "Not cool."

...

Candace glared at the rock band. "You've just been using us this whole trip. Is this how you treat your fans? It should be your fans that inspire you to make music. If you can't see that by now, then drop me off at the next Betty Bus Stop."

In the bus bathroom, Stacy burst into laughter.

"Come on, Stacy! I had a real emotional moment going!" Candace cried.

...

"He fainted!" Candace cried. The bus jolted and Candace toppled over. Instead of landing in the seat, her head cracked off of the window. "Ow."

...

"Grab the Betty Emergency brake!" Stacy cried.

Candace gripped the brake and pulled with all her might. "It-won't-come-off!"

...

"Curse you, Perry the Plat- Oof. Bleah. Curse you, Perry the Plat- Oof." Heinz spat out the mops as they landed in his mouth. "This is really-Oof. Bleah. Uncomfortable."

"The take will be over soon, and those are clean mops." The director promised.

His assistant sidled up to him. "Uh...the prop guy grabbed the wrong bucket of mops."

"THE WRONG BUCKET OF MOPS?" Heinz cried.

...

"Way to go, Candace!" Crash squealed and wrapped her arms around Candace. "Ouch! I did it again! You're right, that dog collar was a stupid costume idea."

...

Isabella shot up in surprise when Phineas and Ferb landed in her pool. "Hey, Phineas. Seriously-"She burst into giggles.

The director sighed. "You have one line in this entire episode, Isabella. Come on."

...

"Oh, what a great day." Linda sighed happily and pulled her pie out of the oven. "Not one phone call from Candace with some crazy, unbelievable story –"

Phineas and Ferb rushed in just as Linda tripped. The pie flew through the air and slammed into Phineas' face.

Ferb smirked as Phineas hastily whipped the steaming dessert off of his face. "What a sticky situation."

The director rolled his eyes. "How punny. You're pie-red."

**Pie-red, fired, get it? xD **

**Ferb isn't fired, obviously. **

**It's been a while, but I just got back to school. I'm hoping to update again soon, but if not I am REALLY hoping to get a Halloween episode done by October 31. Maybe all of them, if I can manage xD**


	17. Unfair Science Fair Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Unfair Science Fair Bloopers**

Isabella walked into the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. Phineas smiled at her. "Oh, hi, Isabella."

"Hey, Phineas." Isabella greeted. "You might wanna go check up on Baljeet. I was walking by his house and heard him scream... "Aiiieeee! I'm doomed to be an incompetent flunky forever."

A second of silence followed. Phineas grinned. "Is your echo broken?"

Isabella slapped her forehead. "Shoot! I thought I was forgetting something. I'll get it this time."

"Wait, I have a question." Ferb crossed his arms. "How come Isabella didn't greet me?"

The director rolled his eyes as the other two laughed. "Save your wit for later, Ferb. Alright Isabella, go again."

...

_Take One_

"Baljeet!" Phineas called. "It's Phineas and Ferb."

The redhead pushed open Baljeet's bedroom door and peered inside. "Why-?"

"BOO!"

Baljeet jumped out from behind the door and Phineas yelped in fright. The Indian boy giggled and Phineas punched him in the shoulder. "Dude! Not cool."

_Take Two_

Baljeet waited for Phineas to say his lines. He sat in the middle of his bedroom floor and after a moment of silence he frowned and got up. "Phineas?" Baljeet headed for the door. "It it your line!"

He swung open the door and Phineas lurched at him. "RAWR!"

Baljeet screamed and tripped to the floor. Phineas burst into laughter and the director groaned. "Come on guys. Be serious."

_Take Three_

"Baljeet! Its Phineas and Ferb. Why are all the lights off?"

Baljeet sighed sadly as his two friends entered his room. "Darkness is a shroud that hides my shame."

Phineas blinked and flicked the light switch. The room stayed dark. "Uh..."

"You broke the switch. Good going." Ferb drawled.

...

Mr. McGillicuddy arched an eyebrow as he studied Baljeet's blueprints. "A portal to Mars? Your plans are very interesting, but where's GLaDOS?"

Baljeet smirked. "Nice one."

...

"Elephants!" Phineas exclaimed as the large animals were brought on set. "You want elephants for the _Baliwood _number?"

"All you have to do is stand on its back." The director instructed. "That's it. You know the dance and the song. You'll be fine."

"You say that now..."Ferb muttered as he and his two companions cautiously climbed onto the elephant's back.

The three actors waited for the soundtrack to start up. Phineas waited for his cue and sang, "I know what we are going to do today! Ferb and I are-"

The elephant swung its head and Phineas lost his balance. Baljeet yelped as the trunk slammed into him and he toppled to the ground. Ferb winced and hastily jumped off. "Best idea you've ever had."

"Knock it off Ferb." The director snapped.

...

Baljeet hammered a nail into a piece of wood. Phineas corrected his technique as he passed and Baljeet went to deliver a final blow.

"OUCH!"

Phineas glanced over his shoulder. "Did you hit your thumb with the hammer?"

"Yes," Baljeet whimpered.

...

Candace smiled sheepishly. "Yep. Yep, they definitely are working. I... I... just bought these for my dad and was just... uh, you know, making sure that they work, and they sure do. You can see really far away or really up close." She spotted a colourful sign and lowered her binoculars. "Help Wanted?"

Jeremy grinned. "Yeah! You should apply. Then we could work together."

"You mean side by side?" Candace asked in awe.

A girl raced up to the counter and accidently knocked into Candace. The redhead hit the ground and the girl winced. "Sorry! I guess I was too enthusiastic."

"It's alright Wendy," Candace rubbed her side. "You know you should really consider playing hockey or football. You got one heck of a body check."

...

Perry climbed along the truck and swung through the open window. He got into a fighting stance-and started snickering. Heinz slammed his head against the wheel. "We are never going to get through this."

...

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm wearing lederhosen." Heinz drawled. Perry glared at him. "What? I've the legs for it."

Perry struggled to keep a straight face and Heinz couldn't hold back his giggles. "I'm sorry, but I can't take myself seriously in this."

...

Candace grabbed a bottle of ketchup and frantically started dressing her hot dogs. "Hey!" She cried. "No fair! I ran out of ketchup!" She gave the bottle a mighty squeeze and a glob shot out and splattered onto Wendy. "Oops. Well, now I'm out of ketchup."

Wendy scowled and picked up the muster bottle. Candace yelped as the yellow condiment sprayed all over her clothes. "Oops. Now I'm out of mustard."

The two girls started attacking each other with condiments. After a while both girls burst into helpless laughter and collapsed on the floor.

The director threw his arms in the air. "Great. Now we gotta clean all this up, get new condiments and try again. This is why we don't put food fights in your episodes, people."

...

"It's gotta work!" Mr. McGillicuddy cried, yanking hard on the lever to the portal. "It's gotta work!"

The lever snapped off. "Whoops..."

...

Isabella munched on her corndog. "I just can't believe you built a portal to Mars and-"The piece of corndog she was chewing went down the wrong way and she started coughing. Phineas pounded her back until the Mexican-Jewish girl managed to spit out the glob of corndog.

"Geez. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Isabella rasped, rubbing her throat and giving a few more coughs. "That was attractive, wasn't it?"

Ferb grinned. "I think you should win an award for that. It was most entertaining."

Isabella rolled her eyes. "I'm glad my pain brings you joy."

Wendy stared at the child actors and actress in disbelief from offset. "Is everyone like this?"

The director smiled slightly. "Most of the time. And they're a pain in the butt. But they love each other. They just show it in a very twisted way."

The studio door swung open. Everyone turned to stare at Candace as she walked on set wearing her bath robe and clutching a towel. "Which one of you jerks switched my shampoo with hot pink hair dye?" She asked dangerously.

Phineas and Ferb burst into laughter and started running. Candace took off after them and the director shook his head. "See what I mean?"

And Wendy has not been to the Phineas and Ferb studio since then.

**I also do not own GLaDOS from Portal. And I think Wendy has a cameo in Fireside Girl Jamboree, but eh. **


	18. Unfair Science Fair Redux Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Unfair Science Fair Redux Bloopers**

"Am I that bad to hang out with?" Candace asked in depression as she shuffled along the sidewalk, rolling her bike beside her. Her phone buzzed and she perked up. "Ooh! A text message! From Stacy! _You are_ _a jerk." _Candace read. "Gee, thanks."

...

"It feels like I don't exist anymore." Candace said sadly as she stared at her reflection in a bird bath. "Like I'm a nobody."

Ferb snuck up behind the teenager and gave her a shove. Candace toppled into the bird bath and Ferb laughed.

"What is wrong with you?" Candace spluttered, pushing her wet hair away from her face.

"Sorry, Candace. But Phineas said he'd give me twenty five bucks if I'd do it."

"I'll give you thirty bucks to humiliate him." Candace bargained. "In any way, shape and form."

"Deal!" Ferb grinned wickedly and took off. The director shook his head.

"I feel sorry for Phineas right now."

...

"What are you guys up to?" Candace demanded.

Baljeet crossed his arms. "You cannot just wander into my house like a creeper."

"What is this, Pick on Candace day?"

...

Phineas, Ferb and Baljeet pretended that Candace was really looking out at them from Mars. "Welcome to Mars." Phineas said cheerfully.

Candace's eyes widened. "Mars?!" She cried.

The portal in front of them blew up. Smoke filled the set and little patches of fire were sprouting up. Candace dashed from in front of the green screen to join her co-actors in getting off set. "What was _that?"_

"Who's the moron that went crazy with the explosives?" The director demanded as several crew members came running forward with fire extinguishers.

"Take your pick," his assistant said dryly.

"Alright. PHINEAS! This is your entire fault!"

"Wait, what?" The redhead cried.

...

"Perry the Platypus, what's up?" Heinz asked curiously as Perry burst through his door. "Oh, are you here to...? Oh, no, no. I'm running a little behind."

Perry glanced at Heinz's blueprints and snorted.

"What's so funny?" The director demanded. He got up and went to see what Heinz had been colouring. "Hilarious."

"What is it?" Phineas asked from off set.

"A cartoon of you and Ferb getting eaten by a shark."

...

"Stupid Rover." Candace hissed. She kicked the machine and crumpled to the ground. "Ow...my foot."

...

"That's what I thought." Candace muttered as she glared at the destroyed Rover.

A Martian scuttled out from behind the rocks and poked at the Rover. Candace's genuine look of surprise turned into laughter. "Sorry! But I didn't know they would look like that!"

"It's hot in here!" The person inside the costume complained. Candace helped the actor take off the head and grinned.

"Baljeet?"

The Indian boy wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Sadly."

"What other poor souls do you have in these suits?"

"Our Fireside actresses and few other child extras. Children are the only ones who can fit into the suit and hey, most of you are already on my payroll. Why pay money for extra child actors?" The director reasoned.

"Cheapskate." Baljeet muttered.

...

"Hey, look!" Baljeet exclaimed. "It is us in the future fixing the portal."

"Inception," Phineas remarked.

...

The group of aliens scuttled into the throne room and tossed Candace into the chair. They used to much force and the chair tipped over with Candace in it. The redhead groaned. "Thanks guys. Don't bother helping me up or anything like that."

...

"You guys don't know what music is?" Candace asked in surprise. "Well, it's like this."

She grabbed a nearby alien's antenna and started strumming a tune. The alien burst into giggles and Candace rolled her eyes. "Isabella, is that you?"

"Sorry, sorry. I'll get it next time, I promise."

"Sure you will." The director muttered.

...

"You put a crown on my head and you all seemed to worship me," Candace sang as the aliens carried her across the Mars landscape. Baljeet tripped on a rock and everyone toppled to the ground. Candace scowled. "I'd like to point out that this is the second time this has happened. Am I heavy or something?"

"You said it," Baljeet muttered. He yelped as Candace started attacking him with her shoe. "I take it back! I take it back!"

...

"Woo-hoo!" Phineas cheered. "Follow that music Ferb!"

Ferb hit the gas on their vehicle and they sped forwards.

"Hold it!" The director shouted. "You're going the wrong way!"

Ferb hit the brakes and Phineas surveyed the Mars set. "I knew we should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque."

...

The aliens babbled and pointed to a Rover. Candace smiled. "Okay, what the heck?"

She kicked it and grabbed onto a nearby alien for support. "You'd think I'd have learned from the first time," she wheezed.

...

_Take One_

"Hey Candace!" Phineas greeted as he and Ferb rolled up. His eyes landed on the aliens and he burst into laughter.

"They're not that funny looking!" The director exclaimed.

"Yes they are." Phineas giggled. "Phew, sorry. I'm prepared now."

"Kids," the director scoffed.

_Take Two_

"Hey Candace!"

"Phineas? Ferb?" Candace asked in surprise.

"No. It's Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny." Ferb drawled. "Of course it's us!"

Phineas snorted. "Chill on the sarcasm before the boss blows a gasket."

Ferb turned to his red-faced boss. "Yes sir, sorry sir!" He mock saluted the director and backed the vehicle up.

...

"You... you... take the list and cross things off as we go. Should we get something for later, like... like... one of those big pickles or a three-bean salad?" Heinz asked as he pushed the shopping cart along.

His cart slammed into Francis' with more force than intended. Carl's head knocked into Francis' and both cried out in pain. "That was deliberate!" Francis accused, holding his nose.

"It was not!" Heinz defended. "But it was funny."

...

Candace groaned as the aliens crowded around her. "Okay; just because I need to do things without you, sometimes, doesn't mean I don't like you or don't appreciate your friendship."

"And that is how you make an after school special!" Phineas proclaimed.

...

Candace let out a sigh and stared at the grass in despair.

"Hey, Candace."

Candace looked up in surprise. Jenny, Jeremy and Stacy were standing on her front lawn. "There you are guys. Where have you been all day?"

"I was at the dentist." Jenny answered.

"I was taking my little sister to the movies." Jeremy replied.

"Didn't you get my message?" Stacy asked. "I called you a jerk."

"You're a real comedian, Stace." Candace muttered.

...

Everyone was packing up for the day. Candace walked out of her dressing room and started across the studio. A large group of the child extras were helping each other out of the alien costumes. "You guys did well."

"Thanks." Isabella smiled and wiped her face with a towel. "You weren't so bad yourself."

Ferb raced up to them, panting and clutching a bundle of clothes. Candace eyed the pile and arched an eyebrow. "Why do you have Phineas' wardrobe with you?"

"He's taking a shower in his dressing room. I left him a note saying if he wanted his clothes he'd have to come and find me to get them back."

Isabella clapped a hand over her mouth and Candace gaped. "You didn't!"

Ferb grinned devilishly. "You'll just have to wait and see."

A roar of laughter rose amongst the crew. Candace and Isabella looked up to see Phineas standing in the entryway, face bright red, dripping wet and wearing a Speedo. "You. Guys. Suck."

"I do not need to see this." Baljeet tossed his alien costume aside. "I'm out."

Heinz was nearly killing himself laughing. Isabella couldn't stop giggling and Ferb had a smug smile on his face. Candace shook her head and handed him thirty bucks. "You really wanted that money, didn't you?"

"FERB!" Phineas shouted. The green-haired boy ran off and Phineas chased after him. "Give me back my clothes!"

Heinz managed to get a hold of himself. "Ah...best moment of my life."

**Two in one day! Aren't you lucky?**

**Poor Phineas...but he asked for it XD**

**Bugs Bunny (whom I don't own) reference anyone?**


	19. GiAnts Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Gi-Ants Bloopers**

"So Candace," Jeremy said into his cell phone. "You made a bear out of balaclava?"

"Yeah. Bears like honey, balaclava is made of honey." Candace answered. Her gaze flickered towards the right and she spotted a hornet flying towards her. "AAGGHH!"

Jeremy flinched and threw his phone down. "There goes my hearing."

...

"Monogram out. Carl, fade out!" Francis ordered. Carl pushed the button and lights slowly went off. "You can go now Agent P."

The platypus got up and waddled off. "Okay, Carl. You can turn the lights back on. Carl?"

"BOO!"

"AAGGHH!" Francis screamed and instinctively punched Carl in the nose.

The director shook his head. "He never learns."

...

"How does it work?" Baljeet asked, staring at the large contraption with awe.

"Well, first, you find an anthill and then, you add a scoop of it to our Re-size Anizer." Phineas explained. Ferb jammed a shovel into the dirt. A torrent of water shot from the ground and drenched everyone. The director stared in shock.

"What just happened?"

"Einstein hit a water main," Buford snapped, covering his head and trying to keep the water from spraying in his face.

Ferb scowled. "How was I supposed to know there was a water main? That's not my job!"

"Okay, okay." Phineas said calmly. "Let's not fight. How about we all agree to blame Heinz?"

"Sounds good." Buford nodded.

"I'm fine with that." Ferb agreed.

...

"Now, we have to spray ourselves with ant pheromones, so we can move amongst the ants. But not too much! We don't want the ants to get _too_ friendly!" Phineas cautioned.

Ferb pulled the string and everyone got doused with green slime. "Ew," Isabella squealed. "What is this?"

"Who replaced the pink strawberry body spray with this junk?" The director demanded.

"Victory!" Heinz shouted.

...

"So, you know when after you eat Thanksgiving dinner, and you feel all lethargic? Well, it's not because you're really full and, you know, slightly out of shape. It's because of all the tryptophan in the turkey. That is why I created the Turkey-inator!" Heinz said dramatically. A pause followed. "And now I have a craving for turkey. Lunch break!"

"And once again my job has no meaning." The director muttered.

...

"So, its purpose is to turn anything into a turkey. Then, nobody will be able to resist the steamy, tryptophanic goodness of the turkey. That way, I can take over the Tri-State Area with ease! Won't that be trypto-fun?" Heinz asked.

Perry stared at him blankly. Heinz sighed. "You know what, I'm with you. I don't even know what tryptophan _means_. Who writes this stuff?"

...

"Phineas and Ferb! Let me in!" Candace hollered. She stormed up to the giant ant farm and reached for the string. "Wait a minute." She snapped her hand back. "I'm not falling for it."

"Candace, we fixed it." The director said in exasperation. "You can pull the string."

"Nope. I want you to double check and make sure I won't' be covered in green gunk."

The director sighed. "Thanks for making my actors paranoid, Heinz."

"No trouble at all."

...

Phineas swung his pick back as the music played in the background. A startled yelp caught his attention and he turned around. His pick had pierced through Ferb's helmet. "Whoops! Are you okay?"

Ferb gingerly pulled off his helmet and rubbed his head. "No puncture wound. Try not to kill me during this musical sequence, okay?"

"I'll try."

...

Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet and Buford mimicked being ants and paraded around the ant farm. Baljeet burst into giggles and his friends broke soon after.

"What's wrong?" The director snapped.

"We smell like strawberries, we have antennas on our heads and we are ten years old. What do you think is wrong?" Baljeet asked with a grin.

"We don't have the maturity to deal with this." Buford added.

"You don't have the maturity to deal with anything," the director muttered.

...

Baljeet held the Styrofoam rock high above his head. Buford held on to him, Isabella held on to Buford and the girl was standing on two silicone ants. Phineas and Ferb were holding them all up.

_If they drop us, I am going to kill them. _Baljeet thought.

He jinxed it.

Phineas' ankle twisted under him and he hit the ground. Ferb could not support the combined weight by himself and everyone went down. Baljeet shrieked and slammed to the ground, landing on top of Ferb.

"Is everyone okay?" The director asked.

"I only broke about every bone in my body." Ferb rasped, holding his ribs.

"You're fine."

...

"Only, they keep bringing me grasshopper legs and bread crumbs." Candace wrinkled her nose and eyed the bowl at her elbow.

"I'll give you fifty bucks to eat some of the grasshopper legs." Buford dared.

Candace stiffened and pursed her lips in thought. "You're not actually thinking about this!" Isabella exclaimed.

"She totally is." Ferb was torn between disgust and amusement.

Candace put her hand in the bowl and shoved some grasshopper legs into her mouth. Her face screwed up as she chewed. Baljeet gagged and went offset. "I cannot work with these people."

"Oh my gosh," Phineas covered his eyes. "That is nasty!"

Buford grinned as Candace forced herself to swallow. Her face turned green and she leaned over the side of the throne and retched.

"Disgusting!" Isabella squealed and raced after Baljeet. "You're all so weird."

"The things we do for money," Ferb muttered as Buford handed Candace fifty bucks.

...

"Well, Candace, as par to your request, the ants have evolved from a hunter-and-gatherer society into an agrarian society. Look, they mastered farming in 10 minutes." Phineas enthused.

"Then, they made you this salad. There are still grasshopper legs in it, but other than that, it is not bad." Baljeet said. "Would you like some grasshopper legs?"

Candace swatted his shoulder. "Don't even joke."

...

"They set aside their normal lives to have more fun." Phineas and Candace pretended to see ants playing ping pong and pool.

Ferb's fingers twitched. "I have a strong desire to whip Buford's butt at ping pong."

"You're on!" Buford and Ferb raced for the ping pong table.

Phineas glanced at Candace. "Twenty bucks that I'll beat you at pool."

"Challenge accepted."

Isabella grinned and sat beside Baljeet at the computer terminals. "I'm so gonna destroy you at _Alien Warfare_."

"Bring it!"

The director threw his hands in the air as he watched his actors and actresses goof off with the set props. "Hold it!"

"_Fantasy War _time!" Heinz hollered and claimed a computer. "Come on, boss. I'll humiliate you in the face of the internet."

"...bring it on."

**I had trouble coming up with bloopers for this episode :P **

**I have an idea for a Gravity Falls (do not own)/Phineas and Ferb crossover but I'm afraid if I start it I won't finish it...just thought I'd throw that out there XD Maybe if enough people express interest in seeing it I'll give it a shot.**

**So yes, review please, and have a good morning, afternoon or evening!**


	20. Across the Second Dimension Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Second Dimension Stand-Ins:**

**Phineas-Django  
Ferb-Irving  
Heinz-Stacy  
Candace-Jenny**

**Doesn't make sense now, but I'm hoping it will XD**

**Across the Second Dimension Bloopers**

"Whoa, whoa!" Phineas cried as he stared at the mass of script pages in shock. "You got the network to agree to a movie?"

The director nodded. "The show has been gathering popularity and so a movie is the next step."

Candace shook her head. "We can hardly make it through one episode. And you want us to film an hour long movie?"

"I'm going to regret it later, I know. But it sounds like a good idea right now."

Ferb skimmed through the script. "Who's going to play our second dimension counterparts?"

"Stand-ins. And then we're going to go back and film you playing your second dimension selves."

"What?" Phineas groaned.

"Do you know how hard it is to find people that look like you lot? It's not easy. So you're going to play dual roles and we'll edit it all together. First day of filming is tomorrow."

"And by the end of the shoot we'll all be in the loony bin," Heinz grumbled.

...

The digital clock hit seven a.m. A small arm with a white hand attached to it reached out and prodded Perry in the eye. The platypus jolted with a chatter of irritation. Phineas pulled the blankets over his head.

"We're off to a fantastic start." The redhead mumbled.

...

"_We consider every day a plus to spend it with a platypus,_" the soundtrack sang as Phineas and Ferb bounced on the raft bed.

There was a great popping sound and the raft deflated. Phineas and Ferb yelped as they were thrown to the floor. Perry chattered in amusement and Phineas rubbed his head.

"Ferb, I told you not to eat that third stack of pancakes for breakfast."

"Shut up!" Ferb cried and hit Phineas with a pillow.

...

"_Combing our hair, it's better."_

Perry held a comb in his beak and Phineas made Perry drag the comb through Ferb's hair. The comb got stuck and Ferb yelped in pain. "OUCH!"

"Hold on!" Phineas grunted and pulled. "I think it's coming loose!"

He gave a mighty yank and the comb came out-with a chunk of green hair. "Oops."

...

"_Every day is such a dream when you start it with a Monotreme._"

Ferb accompanied the lyrics with his high vocalizing. Phineas struggled to keep a straight face and ended up collapsing in laughter. "Come on," Ferb complained. "I can only do this for so long."

"Yeah. Hurry up and get this done before he hits puberty!" The director hollered.

...

_Take One_

Ferb jumped on the banister and started to slide down. He didn't make it far and lost his balance, falling onto the stairs. "Ow..."

_Take Two_

Phineas, Ferb and Perry slid down the banister. Ferb got stuck halfway down and Perry and Phineas slammed into him. Phineas groaned. "What kid does not know how to slide down a banister?"

"This one." Ferb answered dryly.

_Take Three_

Ferb jumped on the banister. This time he whizzed down with great speed and flew off the end and slammed into the floor. Buford burst into laughter and kicked the container of lotion he had used to make the banister slippery aside.

"You suck, Buford." Ferb muttered.

...

"Gee, Jeremy. I forgot you're a whole year older than me. A trip to college? Heh-heh. That's, that's really great. Okay, well, I'll talk to you later. Bye" Candace sighed and hung up her cell phone. She reached over and picked up her teddy bear with a picture of Jeremy taped to the face. "Oh Jeremy-ha ha ha!"

"What is it?" The director sighed.

"Someone drew a mustache on Jeremy's picture." Candace giggled.

...

"Alright, looks like the pitcher's ready, and...batter up!" Phineas called.

Ferb scratched Perry's neck and his tail flicked upwards. The baseball flew into the air and crashed down into Phineas' face. "Not again!" He moaned.

...

"Hi, Phineas! What'cha doin'?" Isabella asked as she entered the Flynn-Fletcher backyard.

"Turning Perry's involuntary reflex into sporting event." Phineas answered.

"Hi, Perry! Can I try?" Isabella bent down and scratched Perry's neck. The baseball flew out of the yard.

"Whoa, mama! Nice shot, Isabella!" Phineas said in awe.

Baljeet and Buford entered the backyard. "Did someone lose a ball?"

"How convenient we're all in the same place during this casual game of Platypus-Ball." Phineas remarked.

Isabella punched him in the shoulder. "We were doing so well!"

"Why did you have to screw it up?" Baljeet complained.

"The fourth wall is not meant to be broken down." Buford shook his head.

"Now we gotta start all over." Ferb sighed. "Thanks, Phineas."

"No problem. I live to troll."

...

"Hey, where's Perry?" Phineas asked. He checked for Perry and frowned when he couldn't find him. "Did he really slip away? On his anniversary? Sometimes it seems like Perry's missed every single cool thing we've done all summer long. YOU'RE A TOOL, PERRY!"

Perry slipped out from behind the tree and kicked Phineas in the shin. The redhead yelped and sunk to the ground in pain.

Isabella laughed. "Don't mess with the platypus."

...

_Take One_

"Don't get cocky, Carl! Agent P, as you know, every operative is equipped with an auto-scan replication device, just like the one in your hat. We've been using the information you've gathered to replicate each and every one of Dr. Doofenshmirtz's inators. Our top men have been analyzing them to determine if they've been getting smarter or dumber. And, to be honest, the jury's still out. Now we find out-" Francis faltered in his speech and groaned.

Perry slapped his forehead and chattered in despair. Carl sighed. "You were so close to finishing it in one take."

"I would have made history." Francis muttered. "Moment ruined."

_Take Two_

"Don't get cocky, Carl! Agent P, as you know, every operative is equipped with an-"Francis forgot the name of the machine and slapped his head. "Gah!"

_Take Five_

"Don't get cocky, Carl! Agent P, as you know, every operative is equipped with an auto-scan replication device, just like the one in your hat. We've been using the information you've gathered to replicate each and every one of Dr. Doofenshmirtz's inators. Our top men have been analyzing them to determine if they've been getting more idiotic or cooler and that's not right."

Perry grinned and Francis scowled. "This is ridiculous. Where's my script?"

_Take Six_

"Don't get cocky, Carl! Agent P, as you know, every operative is equipped with an auto-scan replication device, just like the one in your hat. We've been using the information you've gathered to replicate each and every one of Dr. Doofenshmirtz's inizers. Shoot!"

Carl stared in disbelief. "The script is taped to the monitor in front of you. I don't understand-"

"Shut up Carl!" Francis snapped.

...

"This first item is our new wrist-communicationizer. It has many applications that will help you in the field. For example a powerful directional electro-magnet. It will draw any metal object to you." Carl pressed a button and his glasses flew off his face and attached to the magnet.

"Your eyes look weird." Francis remarked.

...

"This cannot be safe." Phineas remarked as Baljeet helped the crew set up the giant shuttlecock.

"It's only going to fling you a short distance. We'll edit the rest in later using a green screen. Now get on." The director ordered.

Ferb sighed. "The things we do to earn a living."

...

"Uh, Carl, did you tell him the accelerator's a little touchy?" Francis asked.

Perry took off into the air and slammed through the ceiling. Carl was about to deliver his line when a piece of debris fell on his head. "Ouch."

...

"...3, 2, 1, service!" Phineas called.

Isabella pressed the button and the shuttlecock flew into the air-and crashed right into the parking lot on the other side of the fence. Car alarms blared and Baljeet peeked. "I hope Linda has insurance."

The director rubbed his forehead. "Note to self-move Flynn-Fletcher backyard to a nice, wide open space."

...

"Well I'm going to prove it to you and bust my brothers at the same time, Where are my brothers?" Candace demanded.

"We just launched them toward the park, Buford is there with the other platypult." Baljeet answered.

"Okay children, as the adult here, I say we're going to the park, does anyone have to go potty first?" Candace asked.

Isabella raised her hand before Stacy could. "Isabella!" The director cried.

"I'm sorry, but I really gotta go."

"I told you guys to take care of that stuff before we start shooting!"

"I never have to go then!" Isabella said and took off towards the bathrooms, leaving Baljeet, Candace and Stacy to burst into laughter.

...

"Alright, what's with the giant shuttlecock?" Heinz demanded as Phineas and Ferb climbed out of their destroyed invention.

"We're really sorry, sir, I don't know what happened," Phineas apologized. He tried to make it through his line but ended up bursting into laughter. Heinz grinned.

"It's weird, isn't it?"

"What's weird?" The director asked.

"We have never, _never _had a scene together like this." Phineas giggled. "We terrorize each other off set but we never really acted together. This is so weird."

"You're all weird," the director muttered.

...

"An Other-Dimensionator? What does it do?" Phineas asked.

"Well, at the moment, it just stops giant shuttlecocks, apparently, but it's supposed to let me go into other dimensions." Heinz explained.

"That's a stupid idea." Phineas scoffed.

"And the trolling continues." The director sighed.

...

"I'm Phineas and this is my brother Ferb." Phineas introduced.

"I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, but my friends call me..." Heinz paused as he thought.

"Dummkopf?" Ferb suggested.

"Knock it off!"

...

"What the heck, before we set up, there's a whole buffet here, please partake." Heinz offered. "I was expecting-"

Buford popped up from behind the table and grabbed a plate of pie. He slammed it into Heinz's face and raced off, high-fiving Phineas and Ferb as he passed. Heinz wiped the desert off of his face. "There are a few of us that will not make it to the end of this movie."

...

"Almost there, okay, field compressor attaches to the...to the...shoot, what does it attach to?" Phineas snapped his fingers.

"Auxiliary generator?" Heinz said smugly.

"Oh, shut up." Phineas said in annoyance as Ferb started snickering.

...

"I guess this is the last piece, okay Ferb, boost me up."

Perry burst in through the open window. He halted abruptly upon seeing his owners and looked on in horror. Without looking away from the machine Phineas said, "Hey Perry. What's up?"

"Can we please be serious for one minute?" The director asked in exasperation.

"You wish."

...

"Okay, here we go." Phineas reached to attach the last piece to the Other-Dimension-Inator. "Right in here..." He glanced to see Perry peeing on the couch. "No! Perry, we-"Phineas burst into laughter and Ferb chuckled. "That is so nasty."

"Who comes _up _with this stuff?" Heinz asked as Perry waddled off the couch in irritation and mortification.

...

Heinz yanked on the pink couch as Phineas and Ferb raced to check out the new dimension. "Ahem."

Startled, Heinz turned around to face Second-Dimension Monogram. He struggled to keep a straight face but failed. "You look ridiculous!"

Francis groaned. "I told them purple isn't my colour!"

"You like fine, Francis. Heinz, pull it together." The director ordered.

"He looks like a plum!"

"Are you calling me fat?" Francis demanded.

...

"That was awesome!" Heinz exclaimed as the chair brought him to a fancy office. The large chair behind the desk swiveled around and Heinz arched an eyebrow. "Why is Stacy here and wearing an eye patch?"

"We're going to use a stand-in for the double scenes." The director explained. "For example, when there are scenes that have you and your second-dimension counterpart in them together Stacy will be the one you play your lines off of. When we finish your scenes we'll go back and film you as Second-Dimension Heinz."

"Okay..." Heinz said slowly. "I think I understand. But why Stacy?"

"Because I'm hardly in this film and can be used as a spare actor." Stacy muttered. "I should have looked at my contract more carefully."

"You and me both sister." Heinz agreed.

...

"_Now I know all about you and you know all about me._" The two sang as they drummed on a skeleton.

"Ooh-wee-ooh." Heinz stuck his head through the bones and when he tried to pull back his head was stuck. "OUCH! Get me out!"

...

As the song continued playing in the background Heinz and Stacy were dancing around the room, Stacy in a tuxedo and Heinz in a dress. The two had managed to keep a straight face through most of the song but now they were nearly dying of laughter.

"My fault." The director sighed. "I _wanted _the movie to happen."

...

"You dare to bring a secret agent in here?" Stacy hissed, holding onto Heinz's lab coat.

Phineas bit his lip and Ferb giggled. "I'm sorry, but I can't take Stacy seriously in that eye patch."

...

"Here, here, let me prove it. General Platyborg, come down here at once! He'll be here in just a minute, and then..." Stacy grinned and Platyborg flew down. He landed on Stacy's foot and she squeaked in pain. "Ow..."

Phineas winced. "I heard that crack from here."

"I can't believe you actually made a robot platypus." Heinz studied the machine in awe.

"Don't touch it!" The director hollered.

...

"Alright Platyborg, you see that platypus? You know what to do."

Platyborg leapt forward and smacked Perry. Perry slid across the floor and climbed to his feet, shaking himself off. "Animal abuse!" Phineas hollered.

"Shoot!" The director hissed. "I'm going to be in trouble for that one. I'm so used to the abuse around here it's corrupting me. Sorry, Perry!"

Perry chattered in annoyance. Phineas nodded in understanding. "He wants to bite you."

"I'd rather he didn't."

...

Perry opened the window and the three of them fell out. He stuck his feet into the skeletal head and opened his parachute. Phineas and Ferb caught the horns and held on. "I'm sorry; I'm just having trouble processing this right now." Phineas said.

Their parachute got caught on a ledge before Perry react. Ferb sighed. "Well, this could have been-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Phineas hollered. "We ain't got stunt people and the last thing we need is for you to jinx it."

...

Phineas and Ferb wrapped Platyborg up in the parachute. He stumbled off the roof and the parachute's ropes got tangled on the skull. "All this time, we're like "He's a platypus, he doesn't do much". Well apparently, you do. You... you, you're tangled up in the..."

Perry was dragged off of the roof. Phineas and Ferb grabbed onto him as he fell. Platyborg managed to grab onto a window ledge and Phineas, Ferb and Perry were flung into the wall.

"Was that supposed to happen?" A crew member asked.

"Nope." The director answered. "Go make sure they're alive, please."

...

"You're right, Ferb, we have to concentrate on the task at hand, we need to get back to our dimension, and I don't even know where to start." Phineas sighed.

Ferb held out the remote and Phineas smiled. "Oh, that's right, the remote!" He took it and cranked it up. "I knew that would come in handy! Alright, let's go home!"

The portal that opened did not lead to their own dimension. Neither did the one after that. "What a piece of crap."

"Phineas!"

...

"True evil is born through pain and loss. You see, when I was a small boy back in Gimmelshtump, I had a toy train." Stacy explained. "Then one day, I lost it."

Heinz burst into laughter. Stacy groaned. "Boss, can't you hire look-alike actors or something? No one can take me seriously as Second-Dimension Heinz's stand in."

"It'll work once we get Heinz to film the parts as Second Dimension Heinz." The director promised. "Just keep trying, okay?"

"If I keep trying any harder my brain and Heinz's lungs will explode."

...

"Hey Buford!" Candace exclaimed loudly as they walked towards the burly boy. "It's been a whole twenty five minutes since we've last seen you! How are things?"

"Good, thank you. I hear Stacy has acquired an eye patch for certain scenes. Good show, good show."

The director rolled his eyes. "Hilarious. Now let's try this again."

...

Phineas and Ferb popped their heads out of the garbage cans they were hiding in. "Ew, gross." Phineas winced and removed a banana peel from his head. "Come on guys. Stop putting trash in the props."

...

"Boys, what are you doing here? You'd better get inside before the Doofbot catches you. I'm off to the factory. See you next week!" Lawrence called and held the hook attached to his harness up. The bus sped by and the hook caught on. But instead of whisking Lawrence along it ripped the harness right off his body and he hit the sidewalk. "Is this what you go through?"

"Every day," Phineas confirmed.

"I'm so sorry."

...

Phineas stared at his script. "Okay, let me get something straight. The only people who have second dimension stand-ins are Heinz, Ferb, Candace and myself. Buford, Baljeet, Isabella and the rest play their own second dimension selves."

"That is correct." The director nodded.

"Okay...who are our second dimension stand-ins?" Phineas asked.

"Django and Irving," the director muttered.

"And Candace's?"

"Jenny."

"You really don't want to shell out money for those look-alike actors, do you?"

"I'm a cheapskate. Leave me alone."

...

"What'cha doin'?" Isabella asked harshly.

Phineas bit his lip and Ferb giggled. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just not used to seeing you in pants."

"Can we please get on with this?" Django moaned. "Irving is sitting on my head."

"Are you implying that I'm heavy?"

"Yes!"

...

"Well, we may have someone who can help you. Dr. Baljeet!" Isabella introduced.

The chair that was facing the large monitor swung around. Phineas, Ferb, Django and Irving burst into laughter. "You're hair!" Django choked.

"Someone grab a camera!" Phineas snorted. "Irving, you're the camera guy!"

"Not today." Irving giggled. "But oh man, I wish I had it."

"You guys suck," Baljeet grumbled.

...

"Think of the universe and all of the many dimensions as circular. The energy flows between the dimensions like this, clockwise. Say that this is your dimension, and this is our dimension, you traveled with the flow of energy, so going clockwise would be easy. Going counter clockwise would...would...take up a lot of energy." Baljeet finished lamely.

"Did you even read-"Phineas started but Baljeet interrupted him.

"Yes, I read my script, you wise a-"

"BALJEET!"

...

"Oh criminy, I must be crazy. Alright, we can get there through the tunnels." Jenny sighed.

Django cheered and Jenny clapped her hands. "Let's suit up, people!" She started to walk away and tripped on a cord. "Ouch!"

Django snickered. "Nice job."

"It's hard to see where I'm going in these glasses." Jenny complained.

"Excuses, excuses."

...

Jenny used the Bo staff to hit the turn stile and change direction of the train tracks. The staff rebounded off of the turn stile and into her nose. "Ouch!"

Candace grinned. "Jenny, this is not a role cut out for you."

"You're telling me," Jenny mumbled through her bloody nose.

...

"Ugh!" Jenny groaned and glared at Django and Irving. "Don't move!"

She used her staff to stop the mine carts. They slammed into the end of the tracks and catapulted into the wall. Phineas groaned and rubbed his head. "Nice one."

"Someone take away the staff," Buford muttered. "Before she gives me a concussion."

"Not like there's a lot of brain to damage," Isabella said under her breath.

...

Stacy laughed meanly. "I got you, and I got your little friends, too. Game over. You lose! Mark this the hour of your doom, Perry the Platypus! Three-forty...ugh, I got one of these watches with just the little hash marks on it. It doesn't even have numbers on it! Let's just say it's between 3:30 and 4:00, Eastern Standard Time."

Perry's eyes widened in realization and he slapped a button on his watch. A holographic image of Francis showering popped up. Everyone cried in disgust but soon broke into hysterical laughter.

"I can't," Heinz wheezed. "I'm gonna pee!"

The director groaned. "We're never going to get out of here."

...

"I knew this was a bad idea!" Jenny scowled. "Okay, everyone in the cars!"

Everyone hopped in and Jenny struggled to push the mine carts forward. After a while she gave up and collapsed. "Okay, I don't have the strength for this."

Ferb climbed out and gave the mine carts a shove. They moved forwards a few inches. Candace laughed. "Owned by a ten year old."

...

Phineas and the rest gaped as Jenny beat down the evil Normbots. "How'd you do that?"

"I took a few years of dance and the moves aren't so different." Jenny answered.

"So you can do that, but you can't push a small mine cart?"

"Shut up!"

...

"Can we make those turns at this speed?"

"We're about to find out!" Jenny cried.

The mine carts whizzed along the tracks and raced around a bent. The carts tilted and everyone toppled out. The director sighed. "I wonder how our medical insurance is doing."

...

Perry managed to tear the arm off one of the Normbots. It flew into one of the carts and set it on fire. Candace clambered into the cart where Phineas, Ferb and Perry were and Buford's pant leg caught on fire. He started screaming and the fire went out of control. Crew members charged forwards with fire extinguishers.

"In retrospect, this was an awful idea." The director remarked.

...

"But we could've made it. We could've all made it!" Django protested.

"Or we could've all been captured, and I couldn't let that happen. These are the tough choices, people, someone has to be the adult here. You guys are safe, and that's what matters." Candace snapped.

"But-but-but..."

"End of discussion." Candace said firmly.

The mine carts rolled down the tracks and the dramatic music swelled. Isabella bit her lip and stared straight ahead. The giggles were too strong and she burst into laughter.

"Isabella!" Irving groaned.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to keep a stern exterior?" Jenny cried.

"I'm sorry!" Isabella laughed. "I'm sorry! I suck at dramatic moments."

"No kidding."

...

"Fix it!" Stacy cried.

"No." Phineas said flatly.

"Look, I would make myself do it, but apparently, he's an idiot."

"I'm not arguing with that." Phineas said.

"DOOM!" Heinz hollered.

...

"Yes yes, everyone. Doom, doom, doom, and..." Stacy said impatiently.

"Doom!" Heinz said at the same time as Stacy. "Jinx, you owe me THREE sodas!"

"Okay, doom for him, too."

"HA!" Phineas shouted.

...

Perry used his watch to bring the keys towards them. The Normbot came with it and it slammed into the five prisoners. Everyone screamed as the Normbot slid towards the lava. Ferb frantically tried to hook the correct wires.

"Ferb!" Candace shrieked as they fell.

They screamed in terror as they hit the lava. Holding onto the floating robot they were startled to discover they were in orange-coloured water. "You didn't really think I would be idiotic enough to use real lava, did you?" The director asked.

"Don't make us answer that question." Ferb muttered.

...

The five watched in awe as Stacy knocked down a giant gnome and took out the guards. "Phineas! Catch!"

Phineas gasped as the portal remote was thrown at him. He fumbled it for second before losing his grip and watching it plummet into the lava.

"You just killed us all." Heinz muttered. "Thanks, kid."

...

Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Perry and Heinz made it back to their own dimension. "Oh look, it's First Dimension Buford, Isabella and Baljeet! It's been so long!" Phineas cried.

Heinz smacked Phineas across the head. "Shut up and say your lines. I'm hungry and I want lunch."

"Yes sir."

...

"Oh heavens, the big battle is next." Phineas moaned.

"Okay, the mass of Normbots will be edited in. Just pretend you're fighting deadly machines. The inventions, however, are still in storage. Go nuts in an orderly fashion." The director instructed. "And don't kill each other."

...

"Agent P, our agents are being overwhelmed by the sheer number of robots coming into our dimension. You must get to Doof's headquarters and stop him!" Francis ordered.

"Say, don't I know you from somewhere?" Phineas asked.

All of a sudden a water balloon flew out and struck Phineas in the face. Heinz crossed his arms and smirked. "That's for being a wise guy."

...

"This is just beautiful." Jenny sighed and bounced a rubber ball against the cell door. "I decide to do the right thing, and I end up in a cell."

The ball rebounded back and hit her in the eye. "Ouch! "

"Jenny, did you break a mirror or something? It's just not your day." The director shook his head.

"Yeah, she broke a mirror. With her face!" Django hollered from off set and laughed.

"Uh-oh." Jenny muttered. "He's channeling his inner Phineas."

...

Perry winced as he was pressed against a brick wall. Just when he thought he was dead meat a baseball flew out and beat the 'Normbot' to a pulp. He turned around and grinned when he saw Phineas riding the robot dog. Phineas smiled triumphantly and the dog gave a little buck. Phineas toppled off and hit the cement. "I probably deserved that."

...

The director watched in awe as the kids went nuts with the inventions. They flew all over the place, drove all over the place, stomped all over the place. The Fireside Girls in the frozen yogurt machine were firing the stuff everywhere.

Including the cameras.

The director shrieked in agony. "The shots are alright, aren't they? PLEASE TELL ME THEY'RE ALRIGHT."

The camera man nodded. "Relax. It's fine. We won't have to shoot the film over again."

The director slumped in his seat. Heinz glanced at the cameraman. "You could have really messed with him."

"Yeah, but the last thing we need is a director who has a heart attack."

...

Stacy glanced up and spotted Phineas attempting to get to the portal. She cut the cord to the grapple gun and Phineas landed on the soiled couch. "I've had just about enough of you, you..."

Phineas grabbed the cushion Perry peed on and chucks it at Stacy's face. The girl screamed and threw the cushion to the ground. "Ew! That's disgusting! That wasn't in my script."

"I may have altered yours a bit." The director admitted.

"You jerk!"

"Hey, hey. No insulting the guy that pays you."

...

"Oh no you don't! Ha ha! Now the baseball is on the other foot! Or however that... that saying goes. I'm not really sure..." Stacy spotted Phineas trying to slink away. "Hey, hey! Where are you going? You know, all that's going to happen from you guys coming up here is that I'm going to have a brand new Platyborg! And maybe even a Boyborg too, huh?"

She suddenly reared back and slammed the baseball launcher across Phineas' head. The boy hit the ground with a yelp of pain. "What was that for?"

"For hitting me with a pee-stained pillow."

...

Perry tickled Platyborg's neck and his tail snapped up, sticking the turkey over his head. Platyborg stumbled back and got caught in the electrical plug. His body spazzed and he grabbed onto two cobs of corn blindly. Popcorn came from the cooked corn and Perry adjusted his hat and caught a piece of popcorn out of the air with his teeth.

"Kick-butt platypus over here." Phineas remarked.

"For Pete's sake Phineas, shut up and go do what you do." The director snapped. "Do you know how long it takes to film an epic scene like this perfectly? And you just ruined it with pointless commentary. Go. Away."

Phineas slunk off. Ferb grinned. "An epic tell off right there."

...

"You know something kid, you've been a thorn in my side all day long." Stacy drawled. "But that's about to change."

Phineas glanced to the side and noticed Perry waving a bat in the air. He stuck out his hand and Perry tossed the bat towards him.

Stacy fired the baseball launcher just as Phineas caught the bat. He reared back and swung.

And missed.

"That was one of the greatest fails I have ever seen." Stacy laughed.

...

Phineas, Ferb and Perry stared at the giant robot Second Dimension Heinz. Stacy was at the controls with a smirk. "Hope you got your 3-D glasses, because I'm coming at you!"

She hit the wrong lever and the arm thrust out. Stacy shrieked as she flew from the arm of the robot and landed on the soiled couch face first. "You gotta be kidding me."

...

"Yeah, it's mine. See, I told you I never lost it. It was in a box in my pantry labeled "VHS Tapes". Go figure. Anyway, you can have it." Heinz handed Stacy the train.

"I can't believe it! Choo-Choo, it is you!" Stacy hugged the train close. "Oh, heart melting, back story resolving, evilness diminishing." A snort escaped her. "Sorry, sorry. But I find it ridiculous that all this trouble was caused over a lost train."

"I think the writers are running out of ideas." Ferb grinned.

...

"Man, this was the greatest day ever. Imagine how much fun we can have together now that we know you're a secret agent!" Phineas said cheerfully.

"Yes yes, the next fifteen minutes should be a real hoot. Then, of course, Agent P will be sent away forever." Francis said.

"WTF, man?" Phineas complained.

"Phineas, I am giving you one last warning." The director growled. "Stick to the script _or else_."

...

When Ferb entered the O.W.C.A. set it was to see Phineas slouched against a wall and cradling his head in his hands. "What's the matter?"

"Have you read the end scene?" Phineas asked.

"Yeah."

"Isabella and I have a kissing scene." Phineas looked up at Ferb. "And do you remember what she said she'd do if we ever had a kissing scene?"

Ferb turned to look at Isabella. The girl was eating a plate of garlic bread and there was a slice of onion-laden pizza beside her. Isabella beamed at them and waved happily. Ferb burst into laughter. "Oh man! I'd hate to be you right now."

...

_Take One_

"Uh, Major Monogram?" Isabella asked.

"Uh, yes?"

"So, none of us will remember any of today?"

"That's right."

Isabella looked at Phineas and grinned. "Good!"

Phineas ducked before she could grab him. "Ugh! I can smell her breath! It's disgusting!"

_Take Three_

"So, none of us will remember any of today?"

"That's right."

Isabella looked at Phineas and grinned. "Good!"

Phineas screamed and ran off set.

_Take Ten_

"So, none of us will remember any of today?"

"That's right."

Isabella looked at Phineas and grinned. "Good!"

Before Phineas could wimp out Isabella grabbed him and kissed him hard. Phineas tore away and gagged, clutching his throat and sinking to the ground. "My eyes are watering! My eyes!"

Isabella smirked. "Revenge is a dish best served spicy."

**Five hours. Twenty pages. Over five thousand words.**

***dies on spot* I am so happy I own the DVD.**

**So, these were long awaited and I hope they're enjoyable. I had fun doing them XD**


	21. Moon Farm Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Moon Farm Bloopers**

"Hey, Candace." Stacy greeted as she walked into the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. "What're you doing out here?"

"Hey Stacy." Candace blew out the fire in her lantern. "I've got a lot of things to do today, so I-"She noticed Stacy trying to hold back a laugh and couldn't help but giggle. "Sorry! She started it!"

"It's not my fault! She looks like that giant marshmallow guy." Stacy grinned.

"...I'm gonna take that as a compliment," Candace muttered.

...

"Hey Candace!" Phineas called from the entrance to the rocket ship. "We're going to the moon!"

Candace arched an eyebrow and walked up the ramp. "The moon? Wait a minute, why are you-?"She slipped and tumbled back down the ramp. Phineas burst into laughter and Candace sighed. "Why do I have a feeling that this won't be my day?"

...

"Apparently, there was a last verse that was lost to history, until Ferb and I found it in the Dead Sea. It's a little wet and salty-"

"That's what she said," Ferb muttered.

Candace snorted and Phineas punched him the shoulder. "Dude!"

"Come on, Ferb!" The director snapped. "This is a family friendly environment!"

"Oh sure." Ferb scoffed. "An old German actor screaming at child actors and threatening them is definitely family friendly."

...

Perry looked around to make sure he was alone. He rapped on a panel near the fireplace and slipped inside. He made it through to his lair and dumped a pile of wood on the floor. He then chattered in pain and held his finger.

"What's the matter? Did you get a splinter?" Francis asked.

Perry nodded.

"We'll grab the First-Aid kit." The director signaled for his assistant to do so.

"Hold it!" Heinz cried. "So I can get pummeled by a platypus and get barely an ounce of sympathy but when Mr. Monotreme over here gets a splinter everyone runs to his aide. What's up with that?"

"Fine. We'll get you pretty pony Band-Aids for your cuts and bruises. Does that make you feel better?"

"The sarcasm just makes it hurt even more."

...

"Sweet!" Phineas grinned as he peered out of their model spaceship. "This moon set looks wicked!"

Isabella strapped on her harness. "And it's pretty cool that we get to jump around and actually feel like we're floating."

"You might wanna put on some extra strings." Buford smirked at the girl. "You might just break off and fall."

"Assuming that was you calling me fat, my response is this." Isabella shoved a non-strapped up Buford out of the spaceship and the burly hit the ground hard. "Did I break your nose?"

"Yes."

"Then you are forgiven."

...

Perry stared at the C.A.T door for a moment before shrugging and crawling through. He tried to pull himself to the other side and found himself to be stuck.

The director watched him wiggle about helplessly and tried not to laugh. "I guess we should stop giving him so many grubs."

...

"Perry the Platypus." Heinz remarked as he walked up to the monotreme. Perry struggled to keep a straight face and ended up snickering.

Heinz groaned. "Do you know how many layers of paint they put on me? If we don't hurry up I'm gonna spend the next three months getting this stuff off."

...

"Anyhoo, with another great idea, I created the Moisture Suck-Inator!" Heinz proclaimed. "See? See? I don't know why I built it here when I was going to use it on the balcony... That wasn't- anyhoo, this device will suck all the moisture-"

Ferb let out a snicker and hastily tried to cover it up with a cough. Heinz shook his head. "I never knew you were so dirty minded."

"It's not my fault! I spend my lunches with Buford, and you do _not _want to know how those conversations play out." Ferb muttered.

...

Phineas smiled cheerfully as he pumped air into the inflatable farm. It grew rapidly and Baljeet swallowed nervously. "I think you should turn it off now."

"It's stuck!" Phineas cried as he twisted the dial desperately.

The director clapped his hands over his ears as the farm exploded. "Is everyone okay?" He asked.

His five actors and actress stared at him. Buford motioned that he could not hear him and the director slammed his head off of his clipboard. "Maybe we could do a silent film. It'd probably be easier-nope. Never mind. These kids can screw anything up."

...

"This is Moon Farm, come back." Phineas reported.

Irving fiddled with the dials on a large radio system. "Oh, this is mission control. Your transmission's-"

Heavy metal music blasted from the headphones he was wearing and the boy screamed and tore them from his head. "You guys suck."

...

Heinz shoved his machine across the balcony. "I got it. Man, why didn't I put wheels on this thing?" He gave it a final shove and cracked his back. "Agh!" He groaned.

"Don't tell me. You're stuck." The director said flatly.

"...maybe."

...

"I'll just aim it... there perfect. Now, you will witness the dehydrating effects of my Moisture-Suck-Inator-"

Ferb snorted.

"Oh for-FERB! GET OFF MY SET!" The director hollered.

...

A dehydrated Heinz and Perry open and closed their mouths. They managed to do this for a bit before breaking into giggles. "Sorry, sorry. We got it this time."

"I've heard that before." The director muttered.

...

"This doesn't seem right Candace. I mean, four eggs bleated, a big bow, one pound of lamp—I mean that's not even food." Stacy pointed out.

"Trust me Stacy, as annoying as Phineas and Ferb are, they're usually right." Candace shrugged.

Irving started into the house. "Phineas and-"

Candace and Stacy threw a bunch of eggs at the guest actor. Irving yelped and covered his head. "Come on!"

Candace giggled. "I guess this _is _my day after all."

...

"Moo-na. Two syllables cow, two. Moo-na." Buford instructed.

The cow just blinked and mooed.

"Man, these cows are dumb." Buford remarked.

The cow whipped around and booted Buford in the stomach. The boy doubled over and groaned in pain. "I take that back. These cows are pretty dang smart."

...

"Okay everyone, ice cream's ready. Let's dig in." Phineas happily licked his ice cream and yelped. "Brain freeze!"

"Only I can hire a group of kids who can't even eat ice cream without messing up." The director sighed.

...

"I don't know Stacy. I got a bad feeling about this. What am I going to do if it isn't even edible?" Candace asked nervously.

Stacy shrugged. "Well, technically it is English food."

"Well, here goes." Candace opened the pot and both girls screamed. Inside the silver pot was a plastic, ketchup-covered severed head. "IRVING!"

...

"Uh... Perry the Platypus?" Heinz chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I'm over here. Yeah I uh... I forgot my keys so I thought I— you know, just fit through the uh..."

Perry ignored him and opened the door. "Oh good, you're going to go get-"

Perry stuck a sign on his behind and walked off. Phineas and Ferb burst into laughter at the _Kick Me _sign.

The director could not help but grin. "Classic."

**I was worried I would be all bloopered out by the end of the last chapter but I think I'm still going strong XD**

**Have a good day, afternoon or night!**


	22. Gaming the System Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Gaming the System Bloopers**

The camera focussed on Buford's handheld game system. Buford navigated the sprite over logs and tried to avoid getting killed by fruits and birds. "Dang it!" He snapped as a banana took him out.

Phineas grinned. "All you have to do is keep your guy alive for a minute. Why do you keep getting killed by apples and birds?"

"It's harder than it looks!" Buford protested.

Isabella walked off set and picked up the box the game came in. "Buford, the box says age's five to eight. You're ten."

"Oh, shut up."

...

"Hey, how'd you get your face in there?" Phineas asked.

"Easy. I just use this camera! See?" Buford snapped a picture of Phineas' face. "And then you do this, and this, and this and this and this and this and-ouch!"

The director stared. "What?"

"I think I sprained my thumb!"

"You have _got _to be kidding me."

...

"I can see no educational value in this game." Baljeet frowned.

"Duck!" Buford swung out his arm and Baljeet got punched in the nose. "Dude! You were supposed to duck!"

"I was not really paying attention," Baljeet admitted dazedly. "I was thinking of something else."

"Like what?" The director demanded.

"Lunch."

...

"Introducing the all new and improved, _Jump and Duck_. The world's first truly immersive video game experience. Hey Ferb, throw the switch." Phineas ordered.

Ferb flicked the switch and the fuse box exploded. Phineas slowly opened his eyes after the smoke diffused and shook his head. "Nice going, man."

...

"Okay, what's going on? I was drying my hair!" Candace snapped.

"Sorry about the power, Candace. Uh..." Phineas racked his brain for the next line and came up blank. "Sorry, but it's really awkward talking to you when you're wearing nothing but a towel."

"Tell me about it," Candace muttered.

...

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, you are too late. Wait, is it eleven o'clock yet?" Heinz frowned and glanced at his watch. "Ah, my battery is dead. I've been meaning to get a new one but-"

"That's not the line, Heinz." The director sighed.

"I know that! I'm just saying that I need a new battery for my watch. You know what, I think I'm going to go get one now before I forget."

The director threw his hands up as Heinz walked off set. "Sure. Whatever. It's not like shooting an episode cost a lot of money or anything."

...

Perry scowled and adjusted the blue ball gown he was now wearing. A pair of mechanical arms swooped down and brought him to Heinz's level. He bit his lip and struggled to keep a straight face. "See, Perry the Platypus? It's hard to-he he he."

"Heinz!"

"Oh come on! It's a platypus wearing a ball gown. How can I _not _laugh at that?"

...

"You guys better get me out of here. I still have to get ready." Candace cried as she tried to outrun a banana and an orange.

Phineas watched the girl being chased by two actors in fruit costumes and burst into laughter. "This is so ridiculous!"

"Come on man!" Candace complained. "I'm wearing a towel here! Can we get this over with?"

"Sorry, sorry. Okay. I'm good."

...

Candace ran around the video-game styled set. "Can't you just press a button and get me there now?"

"Oh, you want cheat codes. No, we don't roll like that. Just jump and Duck." Phineas instructed.

Candace got nailed in the face by two pieces of fruit. Ferb snorted and clapped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry!"

"I'm going to kill you!" Candace cried.

...

"Duck! Duck! Duck!" Phineas cried as Candace got hit with more fruit. The girl got off the platform and started falling down a set of stairs. "Okay stop falling. Stop falling."

Candace continued to topple down the stairs and Ferb turned his head away from the camera. He pressed a hand over his mouth and his shoulders shook with suppressed laughter.

"Ferb!" Candace cried.

"I swear, I'm good. I let it all out." Ferb giggled. "Okay, okay. I got this."

...

Phineas and Ferb raced up a set of complex stairs. Ferb tripped on his shoelace and crashed into Phineas, bringing the two of them down. "Do you need someone to teach you to tie your shoes?" Phineas asked in irritation.

"Shut up."

...

Phineas and Ferb jumped into the water below the castle. Phineas' body jolted as he hit the water and he broke through the surface, coughing and sputtering. "It's freezing!"

"Don't be a wimp, Phineas." The director called.

...

"Wow, the castle. Nice art direction, Ferb. I guess Candace already made it to the boss level." Phineas remarked.

A giant version of Buford appeared behind them. The two boys turned and stared. "Wow. He sure is ugly."

Buford raced on set and tackled Phineas. Ferb watched the two tussle and he shook his head. "He asked for it."

...

The giant Buford-robot stumbled back and crushed two models of Phineas and Ferb. Candace groaned. "Who's gonna buy me lunch now?"

"I feel the love," Ferb muttered from off set.

...

"Phineas! Ferb! Phineas! Ferb!" Candace cried in agony as she stared at her two fallen brothers. They disappeared, leaving the girl alone. "NOOO-ha ha ha!"

"Can any of you do dramatic moments without busting a gut?" The director asked.

...

Heinz and Perry fought over the Ball Gown-inator. It fired off and Heinz glanced down at his new wardrobe. Perry burst into laughter and the director shook his head. "What were the writers thinking?"

...

"Oh no! Jeremy's here. How am I going to get ready in three seconds?" Candace demanded.

Isabella, Phineas and Ferb suddenly had dresses on. The four stared stony faced at each other and Ferb was pressing his lips so hard that he couldn't deliver his line. The director rubbed his forehead. "Go on, let it out."

The howling laughter went on for a good half hour.

**For the record, I'll start doing the Halloween ones (if all goes according to plan) when October arrives. I'm pretty sure there's four of them (One Good Scare Ought to Do It, The Curse of Candace, That's the Spirit and the Monster of Phineas and Ferbenstein) so hopefully I'll get them all done.**

**And I'm stuck on costume ideas, so any of those would be greatly appreciated XD **


	23. One Good Scare Ought to Do It Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**One Good Scare Ought to Do It Bloopers**

"Hello. Is this the Johnson residence? I'd like to speak to Jeremy Johnson. This is Candace Flynn. Why-?" Candace snorted and dropped the banana into her lap. "There is no way I can take this seriously."

"Would it help if you were speaking into an apple?" Phineas suggested.

"How about an orange?" Ferb offered.

"Oh! Oh!" Isabella waved her hand in the air. "I bet a pear would do the trick!"

"Stop it. You're making me crave fruit salad." The director snapped.

...

"Hi, Isabella." Phineas greeted.

"Whatcha do-"Isabella burped before she could finish her line.

Ferb burst into laughter and Phineas grinned. "That was a pretty smelly hiccup."

"Shut up!" Isabella cried. "It was an accident!"

"I can smell peanut butter," Ferb snorted. "That's so gross!"

...

_Take One_

Perry looked around carefully before putting on his fedora and jumping into the trash can. He jumped out immediately, covered in green slime. He chattered in irritation and glared at Phineas and Ferb. The two boys put their hands up in surrender.

"We didn't do it!"

Heinz giggled. "The look on your face!"

Perry scowled and grabbed a handful of the slime and chucked it at Heinz. Phineas whooped as it nailed the actor in the face. "SLIME FIGHT!"

The director rubbed his face as the four threw slime all over his studio. "I need to put a shock collar on them or something."

_Take Two_

Perry went to open the trashcan and the lid suddenly flew off. Phineas popped up and screamed. Perry chattered in fright and fell backwards. Phineas burst into laughter. "Sorry, sorry! I couldn't resist!"

...

"That's it! Ferb and I are gonna make you the scariest haunted house ever! _(Organ)_ Zombies, werewolves, and ghosts, and vampires, and witches!" Phineas said excitedly.

Candace cleared her throat and Phineas turned around. "Like that one. She's pretty witchy."

...

"Perry the Platypus? Here? How could this be? _(Gasps)_ I'm shocked. I mean, it would have taken a total evil mastermind to have guessed that you'd track me to this point, find the secret hide-out, glide in under the radar, and infiltrate through this access vent, make your way over to this crate, activating my automatic arm and leg restraints. Oh, right here, this is the part where I-"Heinz froze in his rambling and stared at his portrait. "Alright. Which one of you twerps drew a mustache?"

...

"Okay, just breathe and relax." Candace whispered and dialed the number. "Let's try this again. Hi. Uh, Linda Flynn, please. But-"The girl suddenly turned red. "Whoops. Sorry! I must have dialed the wrong number."

...

_Take One_

"Oh, I can't believe it. I'm finally going to Jeremy's house. Okay, now, what would the perfect look be?" Candace hummed in thought. "I know! Girl next door meets pop diva meets Hollywood bad girl crossed with an old school glamour goddess!"

She rummaged through the large pile of clothes for a while before stopping and glancing up apologetically. "I completely forget which clothes I'm supposed to pick out."

_Take Two_

Candace looked through the clothes. The pile behind her moved a bit and Phineas jumped out, screaming. Candace shrieked and whirled around. "What's the matter with you?" She cried.

"Come on, how can I do this episode and not scare people?"

...

"As you can see, today we're building a haunted house, electronically controlled by this giant organ. Every room is monitored on these screens. And by playing the keys..." Phineas explained. He pressed a key and a ghost popped out of a box. Ferb (who was sitting on said box) flew into the air and crashed through the roof of the haunted house.

"I can trigger all sorts of surprises. So with your help, my friends, we can build this house with enough horror to destroy the involuntary contraction of Isabella's diaphragm muscle-"

"Hold it," the director interrupted. "Ferb isn't coming out."

"He just crashed through a roof. I don't think I'd be moving right away either." Buford pointed out.

"Someone go check on him." The director sighed. "And if he missed the air mattress, I will eat my hat."

Phineas went inside and came back out a little while later with Ferb limping after him. "Do you want mustard with your hat?"

"Me and my big mouth."

...

"Am I getting warmer? Hmm? The sofa. My keys fell between the cushions, right?" Heinz asked as he lifted up the couch cushions.

"BOO!"

Phineas jumped up from behind the couch and Heinz yelped and lost his balance. "You little brat!"

...

"_Who's that girl going down the street?" _The soundtrack sang softly.

Candace smiled widely and looked at the camera. A second later she started choking and she fell off her bike. "What's the matter?" The director asked, baffled.

"I think I swallowed a bug!"

...

Candace screamed as she topped into the mud, soaking wet and a dog clamped to her behind. "_Blah! _Mud got into my mouth!"

"Come on, Candace!"

...

Suzy grinned evilly and used her remote truck to splash mud in Candace's face. Phineas sprung out from the bushes and screamed. The little shrieked and tripped down the steps."Ouch! Do you people put up with this?"

"Unfortunately." Candace sighed.

...

Isabella trembled as a large creature slunk towards her. She managed to act scared for a second more before bursting into laughter. "I don't think I can keep a straight face through this."

"Hurry up!" Phineas cried from inside the costume. "It's hot in here!"

...

"_You'll find our bite much worse than our bark_," Phineas sang. "_One good scare ought to do ya some-_AAGGH!"

Phineas whirled around and randomly screamed in Isabella's face. The girl instinctively screamed back before scowling and slapping his shoulder. "Not funny!"

...

"_If your hair lies lifeless and limp," _Phineas grinned as the door swung around to reveal a room full of zombies.

Isabella giggled madly. Phineas groaned. "Isn't it out of your system yet?"

"Not even close. How can I take anything seriously with you in that hairdo?"

...

"Behold; the face of evil." Buford whispered.

Phineas and Isabella couldn't keep a straight face. They started to laugh hysterically and the director let out a cry of exasperation.

"Dude, I'm in a dress." Buford said to his boss. "If you expect them to keep a straight face, then I'm afraid you have false hopes."

"I had false hopes when I agreed to direct this show," the director mumbled.

...

"Guys? A little help?" Phineas cried as he was lifted into the air. The wood he was leaning on broke and he toppled out.

"Quick everyone! Sashes!" Isabella called and the Fireside Girls created a makeshift trampoline. When Phineas got a little closer they moved out of the way, leaving him to smack painfully into the ground. "That's for scaring me," Isabella informed. "And everyone else, for that matter."

The director shook his head. "He never learns."

**I would love to do Meapless in Seattle bloopers, but the episode isn't on YouTube so I can't do them :\ For those of you in Canada, have an awesome Thanksgiving weekend! For the rest of you, have an awesome weekend!**

**And I published that Gravity Falls/Phineas and Ferb crossover, so you can check it out if you're interested.**


	24. The Curse of Candace Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**The Curse of Candace Bloopers**

_Take One_

Candace tossed a handful of popcorn into her mouth and stared at the movie screen with rapt attention. "Wow, super-"A kernel got stuck in her throat and Candace coughed violently. Stacy patted her on the back until she managed to cough the kernel up. "Sorry, sorry. I'm good."

"I've heard that before." The director sighed.

_Take Two_

Candace threw the popcorn into the air and opened her mouth to catch it. The popcorn missed her mouth completely and hit her in the face.

"Smooth." Stacy grinned.

"Alright, let's see you try it." Candace snapped.

Stacy reached into the bag and grabbed a handful of the snack food. She easily tossed the popcorn in the air and caught it in her mouth.

"...show off." Candace muttered.

...

_Take One_

"That was the best movie ever!" Stacy exclaimed as the two girls walked out off the theatre.

"Yeah I know. Imagine if you had to choose between a blood-thirsty undead...brainless hot guy-"

Stacy giggled. "Candace, zombies are brainless. Vampires aren't."

Candace sighed. "Couldn't you have played along, just for a second?"

The director shook his head. "Alright girls, let's try again."

_Take Two_

"That was the best movie ever!"

Candace smiled in agreement. "Yeah I know. Imagine if you had to choose between a blood-thirsty undead walking corps and a slobbering hairy-loopy manatee for a boyfriend."

Stacy burst into laughter. "A slobbering hairy-loopy manatee? What is _that_?"

Candace flushed. "I had little time to memorize my script, okay?"

_Take Six_

"Yeah I know. Imagine if you had to choose between a blood-thirsty undead walking corps and a slobbering hairy-lupine man-beast for a boyfriend. What could possibly be cooler?" Candace asked and waved her hand in the air. She struck the bat cage and it toppled to the floor. Instead of flying out and attacking Candace, it stayed comfortable in its cage.

"And I finally got my line right." Candace sighed.

...

"How come you guys are making something special for her? What about me?" Buford demanded as he stormed into the Flynn-Fletcher backyard carrying a cat carrier with Baljeet inside.

"And me!" Baljeet added, shoving at the cage door to open it. "Shoot. It's locked."

"Where's the key?" The director asked.

"Uh..." Buford grinned sheepishly. "I kind of lost it."

"...terrific." The director sighed.

...

"Oh, oh Agent P! How long have you been sitting there? Huh, guess I'd better get started. You received a weird message from Dr. Doofenshmirtz this morning, claiming that he will no longer seek to take over the Tri-State area. Then he used a very unusual method for conveying his message. Carl?" Francis called.

Carl went beside the Major and held up an envelope. "He wrote a letter by hand and put it in an envelope and sent it through the regular mail with a stamp and everything. Who does that? And it's scented." Carl sniffed the envelope and gagged. "Okay, who made it smell like rotten eggs?"

...

"Perry the platypus, didn't you get my letter?" Heinz asked in surprise. "Oh, of course not, here I-I'll read it to you." He cleared his throat and started reading. "Dear Perry the Platypus, I know Major Monogram will ignore my letter and send you to stop me. That's-"He squinted at the piece of paper and chuckled nervously. "I...I can't read my own writing."

...

"See, Perry the Platypus, I've been setting my sights too high, I think." Heinz explained. "Trying to subdue a modern city, I need to conquer a backward land where people are superstitious. That's why I'm going to turn the Tri-State area into a...into a...into a something that will greatly benefit me later."

"Not even close." The director called.

Heinz groaned. "Do you know how much dialogue I have to memorize? It's not easy."

"That explains why you're not getting paid the big bucks." Phineas laughed.

...

"Next, Baljeet's request to lift heavy objects accomplished by using gravity-counter acting barbells. Check." Phineas said.

Baljeet happily lifted the barbells. "I am so happy. I have just torn my...my...oh, what did I just tear?"

"Your rotator cuff." Ferb supplied with a smirk.

"Thank you, Mr. Show-Off." Baljeet grumbled.

...

"Now, what's going to be the first part of the Tri-State Area to get a Gimmelshtump make over?" Heinz muttered as he prepped his –Inator.

Perry ripped the tile from the floor and attacked Heinz. Heinz hollered in surprise as Perry punched him in the face. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OW! You poked me in the eye! That's taking it too far!"

...

"I have to find Phineas and Ferb!" Candace cried. "They'll know how to change me back."

She attempted to jump the fence and ended up slamming her knee into the wood. With a moan of pain she collapsed to the grass. "Yeah. I didn't think I would actually make it on my first try."

...

"Oh no, villagers!" Candace shrieked and raced out of the restaurant.

Jeremy walked out after her. "What about your music box? Needs-"He burst into laughter. "Sorry, sorry. I feel weird doing that accent."

...

_Take One_

"Phineas, open the door!" Candace shouted. She hammered on the front door with her fist and yelped when she cracked her knuckles. "Ah! That _really _hurt."

_Take Two_

"Phineas, open the door!"

Phineas opened the door a second too soon and Candace accidently punched him in the nose. "Ouch!"

...

"What makes you think you're a vampire?" Phineas asked.

"Because I can lift heavy objects and I can levitate and I garlic burns me." Candace explained.

Phineas smirked. "Are you sure that's the line?"

"Shut up." Candace muttered.

...

"Well I can lift heavy objects and I can levitate and... and I can't see my reflection in the mirror." Candace explained.

"It sounds like a vampire to me." Ferb said and backed away.

"Whoa, whoa whoa-"Phineas reached behind him and grabbed Ferb by the shoulder. He accidently pulled too hard and Ferb yelped in pain. "Oh, come on!"

"It hurt!" Ferb defended, holding his sore shoulder.

"What's the matter, Ferb? Did you break your _rotator cuff_?" Baljeet asked innocently.

"Oh, shut up." Ferb growled.

**Lack of humor in this chapter, I think. So I apologize for that :P If the rest of the Halloween episodes don't turn out funny either I might take a break until Christmas. I don't want to give you guys unfunny Phineas and Ferb bloopers.**

**Anyway, I think I've finally decided what I'm going to be for Halloween XD **


	25. Monster of PhineasnFerbenstein Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein Bloopers**

_Take One_

"Good evening, ladies and gentle-"Phineas began as he and Ferb stepped out from behind the curtain. He foot got caught in the folds and he tumbled to the floor. Ferb chuckled and Phineas groaned in annoyance. "My bad."

_Take Two_

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We thought it only fair that the show you're about to see may disturb you. It may shock you. It may even horrify you!" Phineas exclaimed dramatically.

Ferb hacked and coughed up a hairball. Phineas stared for a minute before bursting into laughter. "That is so gross!"

"Tell me about it," Ferb muttered, rubbing his throat in disgust.

...

_Take One_

Perry jogged into his lair and took a seat. "Good morning, Agent P." Francis greeted as he stepped out from behind the curtain. Before he could continue his next line he tripped and struck the floor. "Ouch!"

"That curtain is evil, I tell you." Phineas muttered.

_Take Two_

"Anyway, sorry about the tarp behind me. The storm caused some water damage." Francis glanced down at his watch. "Oh, cheese and crackers! I'm late for...I'm late for...what am I late for?"

"Your cousin's wedding." Phineas supplied.

"Francis, why does Phineas know your line and not you?" The director asked.

"No comment." Francis snapped.

...

"Lost your platypus, eh?" Reginald asked. "That reminds me of a really great monster story."

Phineas grinned. "Tell us, Grandpa!"

"It's about Ferb's ancestor. He was his great-great-great-great-wait, how many 'greats' are there?" Reginald frowned. "Five? Six?"

"Ten." The director informed.

"...is that really necessary?"

...

Ferb struggled to help pull the wooden wagon over the bridge. But the makeshift hump on his back was not helping matters. The boy lost his balance due to the extra weight and the wagon rolled over Phineas' foot. "Ow!"

"It's this stupid hump," Ferb grumbled as he got to his feet. "It hurts my back and I can't walk with it!"

"Stop complaining," the director chided. "You're Ferbgor. And Ferbgors have humps."

"Says who?" Ferb challenged.

"The guy that pays you at the end of every episode."

"Fair enough." Ferb said sheepishly.

...

"Hey, Ferbgor!" Phineas called. "The Monster's Ball best-"

The poster suddenly peeled from the wall and landed on top of him. "Ah, and I was so sure I would be able to do this scene perfectly."

The director snorted. "In your dreams, maybe."

...

Candace did her best to use the quill to write, but she ended up getting ink all over her hands anyway. "Can't we put this episode in a time period where they had _pens_?"

"Says the girl who had her pen explode all over her just this morning," Ferb muttered.

"Shut up!" Candace snapped.

...

Phineas watched in awe as his monster came back down to the lab. Ferb let go of the crank and Phineas clapped his hands gleefully. "It's alive! ALIVE!" He laughed maniacally and Ferb let out a snort halfway through.

"What?" Phineas complained.

"That is the worst evil laugh I have ever heard." Ferb grinned.

Phineas crossed his arms. "I'd like to see you do better."

Ferb took a deep breath. "MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

When the green-haired boy had finished Phineas peeked out from behind the lab table he had cowered behind. "_That _was the scariest thing I have ever heard in my life."

...

"It began a long time ago with-wait, how many greats am _I _supposed to use?" Heinz asked.

"Three."

"Oh, good. I was afraid it would be some crazy number and I would have to count them in my head as I was saying them." Heinz sighed in relief.

"We don't want to overload that brain of yours." The director muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

...

Candace grabbed hold of Phineas' shirt and pulled him close. "I'm telling mob."

Phineas stared at her, struggling to hold back a laugh. "You just spit on me."

Ferb laughed and Candace flushed. "Okay, we'll try _that _one again."

...

"You know, in hindsight, I question even including a 'Fairy Princess' setting to begin with." Heinz muttered as he made his concoction. "But, you know, live and learn." He took a drink of the green liquid and quickly spat it back out. "Ugh! What _is _this?"

"Lime soda." The director said in confusion. "What's that matter?"

"I _hate _lime soda!"

...

Phineas and Ferb pressed their lips together as the 'bulked up' Heinz ran down the street. Despite their best efforts they couldn't keep from bursting into laughter. Heinz stopped and groaned. "What?"

"You run so funny!" Phineas giggled, wiping his eyes. "It's just so hilarious!"

Heinz scowled. "You try running when you're stuffed to the brim with Styrofoam! It's not easy."

"Okay, okay. Phineas, Ferb, get out of here. Heinz, do it again. And try not to waddle side to side while you're running. It's just weird." The director ordered.

"Well, _excuse _me." Heinz huffed.

...

"Alright, everyone get set for the monster chase scene!" The director called. "This robot is big and it's going to take up some space, so don't get in its way."

"Uh, boss?" His assistant called. "You're going to have to delay that scene."

The director was afraid to ask, but he knew he had to. "Why?"

"Heinz spilt coffee on it."

"...why can't we have anything nice around here?"

**One more Halloween episode to go! Hopefully I'll finish it in time. And this chapter is short, mostly because I had trouble finding material :P **

**So, hopefully you enjoyed. Have a good day, afternoon or night!**


	26. That's the Spirit! Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**That's the Spirit! Bloopers**

_Take One_

"Get with the Halloween spirit, Candace!" Phineas chided as he and his siblings walked down the sidewalk.

Candace rolled her eyes. "Please. Trick-or-Treating is for kids. I'm like, way mature than that. I'm walking with you until we get to Jeremy's, and then I'm outta here."

They approached the corner and stared, blinking. Phineas grinned in amusement. "Uh...I think we're missing a few people."

"BUFORD! ISABELLA! BALJEET!" Candace hollered. "It's your cue!"

The three kids sheepishly walked on set with doughnut crumbs on their costumes. The director scowled. "How many times do I have to tell you? STOP RAIDING THE CAMERA CREW'S DOUGHNUT STASH."

_Take Two_

"Please. Trick-or-Treating is for kids. I'm like, way mature than that. I'm walking with you until we get to Jeremy's, and then I'm outta here." Candace declared.

"There you are." Buford exclaimed. "I thought we'd never catch up. Goin' old school-"He noticed Ferb laughing silently in his arm and burst into laughter himself.

"Buford!"

"Ferb started it!" Buford grinned. "Come on, Beanpole. Get it together."

_Take Five_

"I thought we'd never catch up. Goin' old school Goin' old school this year, I see. Sweet. No costume, huh, Candace?" Buford asked.

Candace growled at him.

Phineas turned to Isabella. "Nice fairy princess costume! Where'd you get it?"

Isabella smiled coyly. "Actually, I'm not wearing a costume."

Phineas shrugged. "Oh, okay."

Isabella stared. "I got it at the-oh, shoot! I forgot where I got."

"We're never going to get out of here." Candace moaned, rubbing her forehead.

...

"That's strange. I've never seen _this_ place before." Phineas mused as he peered at the large, ominous mansion. "You'd think we would've noticed it."

Buford suspiciously inspected the orange peanuts. "I'm gonna give those orange peanuts a second look."

A rustling came from the bushes beside them. Phineas stared with wide eyes. "What was that?"

Russell popped out from the bushes and flicked the switch on the flashlight. Nothing happened. Russell grinned sheepishly. "Uh...I think the flashlight is out of batteries."

...

"No, not cool!" Russell exclaimed. "The horrifying screams, moving shadows, floating objects-"He suddenly burst into giggles. "Sorry, sorry. The daisy costume is not making this easy. How do you guys do it?"

Phineas grinned. "Trust me; Baljeet wearing a flower costume is one of the _least _weirder things we've had to wear."

"Oh...wow." Russell said.

...

Perry entered his lair and froze. The entire room was pitch-black. _Uh oh..._

Just as the thought crossed his mind, an ear-splitting scream erupted just by his right ear. Perry jumped in the air and crashed into one of the computer consoles. The lights flicked on and Francis grinned at the platypus.

"Francis!" The director cried.

"What? How could I resist?"

...

_Take One_

Heinz looked up as Perry waddled in. "Oh, Perry the Platypus, I was hoping you would come. _(Perry points at the chains)_ Wh... this? Yeah, I had to place myself in restraints. There is a perfectly good explanation though. It all started a couple of days ago, when I declared war on grass, it's not a point why exactly. Let's say grass got on my bad side. Grass-okay, my wrists are _killing _me. Why do I have to have so much dialogue?" Heinz complained.

"You'll stay up there until you finish your scenes perfectly." The director warned.

"That's it, I'm calling the union."

_Take Two_

"And as it turned out, cow brain, not a lot of room for new ideas. That would have been it, but I started having these gaps in my memory. I had a strange craving to lick salt and I found myself watching the nightly farm report and the...and the..." Heinz slammed his head against the wall. "Whatever cows watch, I started watching it more. Can I use that?"

"No."

"Jerk."

_Take Six_

Heinz started thrashing around, making the movements as if he were really transforming. Suddenly his wrist snapped and he let out a yelp of pain. "Okay, I think I just sprained my wrist. Or broke it. Feeling lots of pain either way."

...

Heinz (dressed in a cow costume) raced down the streets. The soundtrack played in the background as he ran with Perry chasing him. A few seconds into the first chorus he dropped to the ground, shaking. The director frowned with concern. "Is he okay?"

Perry approached Heinz and grinned. Phineas made his way over in curiosity and also smiled. "He's laughing...really hard. And I don't think he'll be stopping anytime soon."

...

Phineas and the gang sprinted across the 'basement' set with the monster Jack o' Lantern chasing them. Baljeet suddenly stumbled, clutching his side. "Ah! I have a cramp!"

...

_Take One_

"Across the river, we'll be safe in that house!" Russell cried.

"River?! How big is this basement?!" Isabella exclaimed.

They raced into the water only to run back out almost as quickly. "It's cold!" Candace shouted, "It's very cold!"

"Wimps," the director muttered.

_Take Two_

They group raced across the river with the zombies pursuing them. Candace tripped over her own two feet and toppled into the water. "Okay, that didn't feel too good."

...

"Everything set up?" The director asked.

His assistant nodded. "We're ready when you are."

The director glanced at the grassy field. Heinz was sprawled out with his eyes closed. "Okay, ACTION!"

A few seconds passed, and Heinz did not move. His chest rose and fell gently. The director rubbed his forehead. "Annnnnnnnd he's asleep. Perry, go poke him with a stick."

...

"Wait a minute." Phineas frowned. "If you are a ghost, and you have a pumpkin head, what did that make you when you were alive?"

"The probability of a humanoid vegetable hybrid is exceedingly remote." Ferb mused. He picked up a skeleton head and chucked it at the approaching supernatural creature. It sailed right over its head. "Man. I missed."

...

"Yeah, but before we go, how about _one_ more trick?" Phineas asked hopefully.

Waylon hesitated. "Uh..."

All of a sudden Heinz in his cow suit crashed through the wall, followed by the crowd of flour-covered mobsters. Ferb could not hold in his laughter.

"Are you kidding?" Heinz howled. "I'm pretty sure I bruised something running through that fake wall, and my wrist is killing me. I'm not happy."

...

"You know, for a minute there, I thought there were-"Phineas started and then yelped with pain. "I bit ma tongue!"

"Oh, for-PHINEAS!" The director cried in exasperation.

Ferb shook his head as Phineas removed his sharp fangs. "And you were doing so well. Then you had to screw up."

"Story of my life." Phineas muttered.

**Happy (early) Halloween! xD**


	27. A PandF Family Christmas Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**A Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas**

"Ah, summer." Phineas sighed contentedly. "Sunny, warm, some might say hot, it would be nice to cool off for a bit. Any ideas?"

Ferb reached in his back pocket and yanked out a map.

_Rip!_

Ferb grinned sheepishly as he held up half of the map to Antarctica. "Uh...my bad."

...

"Can't have Christmas without sweaters, and cue snow!" The extra called out as the Christmas scenery was lugged into place. Phineas and Ferb unfolded their sweaters and slipped them over their heads.

Phineas tried to, anyway.

"I can't get it on!" Phineas' muffled voice cried as he hopped around the seat, his head hidden by the wool Christmas sweater. Ferb burst into laughter.

"Not only that, you're putting it on backwards."

...

"Wait, wait!" Isabella exclaimed excitedly as she surveyed her script. "We get to meet _Kelly Clarkson_?"

"You get to work with her." The director said firmly. "And I swear, if you pull one prank on her, all of you will be getting coal as pay for the rest of this show's run."

...

_Take One_

"Happy holidays, everybody!" Phineas exclaimed. "Welcome to-"He paused and itched his neck. "I'm sorry, but this sweater is _killing _me. It's so itchy!"

"Ferb is doing just fine." The director pointed out.

Phineas turned to his co-actor. "How are you standing it?"

Ferb shook his head with a grin. "I put a long-sleeved shirt underneath."

"I am such an idiot sometimes." Phineas muttered. "I'll be right back!"

_Take Two_

"Welcome to our family Christmas special. Come on in, put on a sweater, grab a hot cup of hot chocolate-"

"It's cocoa." The director corrected.

Phineas stared. "Someone's picky today."

_Take Five_

"Welcome to our family Christmas special. Come on in, put on a sweater, grab a hot cup of hot chocolate-ugh! Okay, okay. I'll get it next time."

_Take Ten_

"Welcome to our family Christmas special. Come on in, put on a sweater, grab a hot cup of hot chocolate-"

Ferb burst into laughter, holding his stomach. "Why is this so difficult?"

Phineas pulled at his red hair in frustration. "Because I don't _say _cocoa! I say hot chocolate! _Does it really matter what word I use?_"

"Since I enjoy watching you suffer, then yes." The director smiled. "It's cocoa, Phineas. Let's see how many tries it takes for you to get it right."

...

"You know what I love best about this time of year?" Isabella asked.

"No, tell us!" Phineas urged.

"It's the music, like this little number; Let it Rain."

Isabella slapped her forehead as the two males started to laugh. "I've never heard that one before." Phineas joked.

"Shut up, okay?" Isabella said in annoyance. "I'm tired, so just shut up."

...

"_The lights are turned way down low," _Isabella sang. She jumped into a pile of snow, preparing to make a snow angel. Instead of landing gently she sunk into what was a deeper pile than she thought it was. Isabella brushed the snow from her raven hair. "Okay. That was not cool."

"But snow _is _cool." Phineas cracked.

Isabella rolled her eyes. "How punny."

...

"What-"Candace started to say as she went to open the door leading to the cabin. But as hard as she jiggled the doorknob the door did not budge. "It's stuck!"

...

"Oh, how nice! A traditional Christmas special," Lawrence exclaimed. "As my Granddad used to say: Lang may yer lum reek and whit'n fur ye'll me go by ye!"

Phineas bit his lip hard. Ferb and Isabella started to giggle. "I'm sorry! But that's the funniest thing I've ever heard."

Lawrence shook his head with a grin. "You realize I'll never be able to say that line as perfectly as I just did?"

...

"Who could that be?" Phineas questioned as there was a knock on the door. Ferb went over and opened it. "It's famous singer Kelly Clarkson!"

Isabella let out a shrill squeal of excitement. Everyone stared and her face turned red with embarrassment. "Sorry, I'm just a big fan."

Kelly smiled. "And I'm a big fan of you."

Isabella swooned and fainted. The director sighed. "I apologize. None of them are trained."

"We're not dogs." Phineas said in annoyance.

"You act like it most of the time." The director muttered.

...

Perry entered the lair and glanced up. He went to sidestep the mistletoe, but before he could do so Phineas raced over and kissed his beak. Ferb and Heinz collapsed on the floor in a fit of laughter and Phineas rubbed his mouth. "You could really use a breath mint."

Perry was not impressed.

...

"Hey, who's that coming down the chimney?" Phineas exclaimed.

A beat of silence followed.

"I _said_; who's that coming down the chimney?" Phineas spoke louder.

Isabella marched over and poked her head up the chimney. "He's stuck guys."

Buford clapped his hands. "Perfect time for a lunch break."

"_I heard that Buford!"_

...

"I know all about this song." Buford snapped. _"The words are by an English guy the music's...the music's..._Swiss?"

Baljeet rolled his eyes. "Scandinavian. The music's Scandinavian."

"I was close."

...

"Well, still no sign of Perry but we're running out of time." Phineas said. "Maybe we should open our presents."

Phineas tore off the wrapping paper. Perry popped out and sprayed Phineas with a can of silly string.

Ferb laughed. "You did deserve it, Phineas."

"Ugh, it got in my _mouth_!" Phineas gagged.

...

"_Good missions I'll bring, to Agents A to Z. Carl-"_

Before Francis could finish his lyric Carl accidently jostled the edge of the punch bowl, spilling the contents all over his sweater and the floor. Carl grinned sheepishly. "Whoops."

"Guess who gets to clean it up?" The director said pointedly.

Carl sighed. "I'll get the mop."

**Sheesh. It's been more than a month! Sorry about that.**

**Yay for Christmas and the holidays! :D I just love this season. **


	28. PandF Christmas Vacation Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation Bloopers**

_Take One_

"But I need your help!" Candace exclaimed, glaring at her cell phone in distress. "Stacy told me that...that..."Candace grinned sheepishly. "I forgot who told Stacy."

_Take Two_

"_I thought you already got a gift for Jeremy." _Linda's voice crackled through the cell speaker, allowing Candace to relay her lines.

"I did, but I can't show up with an obvious, stupid present that anyone could've gotten him. The perfect gift means that you totally-"Candace paused. "Uh...Linda?"

"What's the matter?" The director asked.

"The connection broke," Candace muttered in annoyance.

...

"Look out!" Phineas cried as their joint bed toboggan careened down the snowy street and right for a snow-plow. Ferb jabbed the keys on the controller, but they did not change course.

"Abandon ship!" Phineas cried.

He and Ferb jumped off and landed in a puffy snow drift. The bed-sled slammed into the side of the snow-plow, but did not fall apart, for which the director was grateful.

Ferb whacked the control. "What's wrong with this thing?"

Phineas took the control and removed the backing. "Ah. I see."

"What?" Ferb asked.

"Someone forgot to but batteries in here."

...

"We write letters to Santa Claus every year. Don't you?" Phineas asked.

Candace burst into laughter, dropping the clipboard in the process. It accidently landed on her foot, turning her laughter into a yelp of pain.

Phineas chuckled. "Smooth."

...

"Again, let's assume there is a Santa Claus. He's got it easy. The hard part is trying to figure out what people want when they don't write you a letter, telling you exactly what they want most. I by "people" I mean Jeremy, and by "me" I mean "you"." Candace said.

Phineas grinned. "I think you got those mixed up."

"Oh, shoot." Candace smiled sheepishly. "I'll try that again."

...

Perry wandered over to the snowman and picked up the hat to put on his head.

"Hold it!"

Perry paused and glanced at the director curiously.

"Where's the carrot?" The director demanded. "It's not a snowman without a carrot."

Everyone turned to look at Heinz. The German actor froze, a carrot hanging from his mouth. "Well. This looks bad."

...

"Secret Santa time. Agent P. Ah, here you are." Carl removed a small package from underneath the tree and handed it to Perry, who unwrapped it. "Oh, a "Sal Tuscany Christmas". You lucked out, Agent P. Your secret Santa has exquisite taste."

"Carl, why do you keep scratching your head?" The director asked.

Carl scowled. "Someone put itching powder in my hat."

...

"Carl! Stop filming your butt, film mine. It's a party!" Francis exclaimed.

The two burst into laughter the second Francis finished his line. "Ah, man." Carl giggled. "This will take a while."

...

"Oh, no." Phineas said. "This is not how you would say a "clubhouse". This is the ultimate rest and relaxation lounge; perfectly tailored to the jolly rudiment world-"He stopped. "That doesn't sound right."

...

"Well, I think it's time someone did something cool for Santa to show him we appreciate everything he does for us. So we're gonna turn the entire city of Danville into a giant, shimmering thank-you card for Santa Claus." Phineas exclaimed.

A beat of silence followed. Isabella glanced at Buford and nudged him. "It's your line, bud."

"Oh! My bad."

...

"You see, unlike every other evil scientist, I don't hate Christmas." Heinz explained. "There are plenty of other holidays I can't stand. For example-"

His thumb slipped and pressed the button sooner than he was supposed to. Music blasted from the speakers and Heinz flushed. "Whoops."

The director rubbed his forehead. "The one time I want you to _not _press the button correctly on the first try, and you do it. Why?"

"Uh...no comment."

...

Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet, Isabella and Buford raced around a magnificent pine tree, wrapping coloured ribbons tightly around the branches.

"_Ai-ya!"_

Baljeet's yelp caused everyone to pause. "What happened?" The director asked.

Phineas burst into giggles. "I don't know how, but he managed to get himself tied up in the tree."

"It is not funny!" Baljeet protested. "GET ME DOWN!"

...

Ferb perched on the edge of a building and jumped off. He pressed the trigger on the contraption that was supposed to shoot Christmas lights from the nozzle, but it jammed. The boy tumbled into a snowdrift below, landing head first. "This is not comfortable."

...

"Got that Christmas feeling, tricked Jeremy into-"Candace sang as she strolled down the street. She yelped as she slipped on a patch of ice and hit the cement. She burst into giggles. "Sorry, sorry. It's really icy over here."

...

"So long Christmas," Heinz cackled. "You're Feliz Navi-dead to me!"

He started to chuckle and the director groaned. "Come on, Feliz Navi-dead? Who writes this stuff?" Heinz laughed.

"I helped with that one." The director muttered.

...

"Kids! They get worse every year. Ungrateful little... I'll go sit in the dark and mutter to myself." Clewn't growled and stalked off.

"He wasn't always that way, in fact he used to love kids, in fact he used to be where the action is toy making, in fact-"the Burdensome Elf paused and thought for a bit. "Alright, I give up. What's the next fact?"

...

Isabella and Ferb stood beside the bed located in the mall set. Phineas was curled up under the blanket, eyes closed.

"Okay, ACTION!" The director called.

A few seconds passed and Phineas didn't move. Isabella noted the gentle rhythm of his chest rising and falling. "He's asleep!"

"No way!" Ferb exclaimed. He snapped his fingers in front of Phineas' face but the boy did not answer. "Buford! Get a bucket of cold water!"

"And you can't just poke him awake because...?" The director asked.

"Where's the fun in that?" Isabella giggled.

...

"All except for Buford, 'cause he's got that whole last minute reprieve theory." Phineas said, glancing at Buford.

The burly boy shoved a handful of chocolates in his mouth. "It's-oh, _gross_! That one had mint stuff in it! That's nasty!"

"And that's why you look at the labels on the box before you eat the chocolates." Baljeet drawled.

...

"_So we've come to let the whole world know there must have been a mistake," _Isabella sang.

"_So if Santa and his elves can hear us, we hope we've been clear and concise." _Baljeet added.

"_In the vice verses us verses-_oh shoot." Buford grinned sheepishly. "Sorry."

"The lyrics are right in front of you!" Baljeet exclaimed.

"Shut up!" Buford snapped.

...

"Uh, mmm. It's not that simple. You see, Santa's already left. The elves loaded the sleigh and map out his route; it's too late now. Santa's not coming to Danville." Blay'n said regretfully.

The group of kids struggled desperately to keep their expressions shocked, but it was no use and they all burst into giggles.

"You guys stink at dramatic moments." The director groaned.

...

Baljeet raced along the conveyer belt of the sleigh, his feet kicking the presents up into the chute of the cannon. His foot caught in the ribbon of one of the packages and he tripped, tumbling over the edge and crashing into the green screen.

"Thos are expensive, you know." The director drawled.

...

Baljeet giggled in embarrassment before grabbing Wendy by the arm and dipping her. He accidently let go and she fell to the carpet. "Smooth move, Casanova." Wendy laughed.

Baljeet blushed. "Sorry! Uh, let me try again."

...

The director left his office at the end of the day and came upon his main cast gathered by the exit. Isabella smiled sweetly at him and held out a plastic container. "What is it?" The director asked suspiciously.

"A Christmas present," Phineas answered.

"From all of us." Ferb added.

The director cautiously pried open the lid. The aroma of chocolate chip cookies greeted his nose. "Alright, what did you put in them?"

"Nothing!" Baljeet promised. "We swear!"

The director took a bite. "Wow. These are actually pretty good."

"And you thought we tampered with them, on Christmas!" Heinz snorted.

"Merry Christmas, boss."

The director smiled.

They were all a pain in his butt. But they were decent people, for the most part, anyway.

"Merry Christmas to you knuckleheads, too."

**Merry Christmas and happy holidays, everyone!**


	29. Meapless in Seattle Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Meapless in Seattle Bloopers**

_Take One_

"Morning Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is on the move. We've tracked him to north-western Washington. We need you to get up there and see what he's up to. Oww! Oh! My back! Carl, crack!" Francis hollered, holding his back and wincing.

Carl hurried over and gave Francis' back a good, hard _crack_. The boy grinned sheepishly as Francis slunk to the floor, moaning in pain. "Whoops."

"Crack, Carl." The director shook his head. "Not _break_."

_Take Two_

"Oww! Oh! My back! Carl, crack!"

Carl raced over, but Francis chickened out at the last second and ran away. "STAY AWAY!

...

Phineas watched in surprise as a ship crash landed in his backyard. The robot Meap climbs out and hurries over to him. "It's Meap!"

"Meap!" The robot cried anxiously.

"What's wrong?" Phineas asked.

Meap pointed upwards and Phineas glanced up in time to see a metal claw descend upon them. He jumped out of the way, rolled, and got to his feet. "Wow! Cool ship! Is it yours?"

Ferb burst into laughter and Phineas slapped his leg. "Dude! I was doing so well! What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know what came over me." Ferb grinned. "Sorry. It won't happen again."

"If I had a nickel for every time you've said that..."the director sighed.

...

Phineas, Ferb and Meap raced for the gate. Isabella appeared and smiled. "Hi Phineas-"

Phineas attempted to pick Isabella up and run with her, but he stumbled and they both fell to the ground. Isabella laughed. "Smooth move. Try not to kill me next time, okay?"

"I can't promise anything." Phineas grinned.

...

"The spaceship is right behind you. _Le vaisseau spatial-"_

Linda blinked and stared at her tape player. She smacked it a few times before shrugging. "I think the tape jammed."

"Not even the equipment cooperates anymore." The director grumbled.

...

"Hi mom, check me out!" Candace cried gleefully into her cell phone camera. "I'm flying away-oops, sorry! My thumb covered the lens."

...

"And a very long time ago, back in the days of yore, a gentleman by the name of Zachariah Yore discovered a hidden underground vein of pure cutonium." Meap explained. "Yore used this highly concentrated cutonium to turn himself into a being so dag-gum cute that no one could refuse him anything he desired."

The robot blinked, thought, and turned its head. "Line please."

"Even the _robot_ messes up!" The director exclaimed.

...

"Great. Let's find us some cutonium. The sooner we get started, the sooner-"A clap of thunder echoed over them and Candace shrieked.

"I thought you checked the weather forecast!" The director cried to his assistant as lightning flashed.

"I did!" His assistant called back. "You said to see when it would rain next."

"_Rain! _Not a complete thunderstorm!"

"Well, you didn't specify!" His assistant snapped. "Rain is rain!"

"Nutcases," the director grumbled as everyone packed up. "I work with nutcases."

...

"Look Mom. We're digging up the entire north-west United States!" Candace cried in excitement. The phone slipped from her fingers and sunk into the mud. "Whoops."

...

Heinz raced into the men's room and climbed out the window. He tried to step on a trashcan for balance and ended up falling into the mud, the trashcan falling on top of him. "Stop snickering, Perry the platypus!"

...

"And look he's got, he's got two coffees, one of which for sure, is _not_ for me... it's not mine because mine's right here. Look. See?" Heinz pointed out and took a swig from the container. "Ugh! Grape juice! I hate grape juice!"

"Well, we didn't know that!" The director said in exasperation.

"Now you do. For future reference, I don't like grape juice or lime soda. Remember that."

...

"So boss," Phineas said as he joined the director by the computer consoles. "What does the 'cute-i-fied' Heinz look like?"

The director leaned back and Phineas peered at the screen. A second later he was on the ground, howling in laughter. "I'm gonna pee my pants!"

"I think he looks adorable." The director shrugged.

"He...looks...ridiculous." Phineas wheezed. "Oh, but I love it. It's a good thing you're editing him in, because if you had a robot of this guy, I would never be able to get through my lines."

"You're barely able to do that now." The director jabbed.

...

"You kids got the green suits on?" The director asked as he entered the set. The child actors were scattered around, some holding weapons and some sitting in plastic robot pods.

"How come we have to be the alien army?" Phineas asked, tugging at his suit. "This is itchy!"

"It cost a fortune just to make our Meap robot. We're going to digitally edit the army in. Just march around, get ready for war, and occasionally say 'meap'." The director sat down in his chair. "Get the soundtrack ready-ACTION!"

"_We we we we, are going to war!" _

The high-squeaky voice managed to get through one lyric before the kids collapsed into a fit of helpless laughter. The director shook his head. "You know, maybe it'd be cheaper if I we went with the actual robots...at least they would finish it in one take."

His assistant snorted. "On this set? You wish."

...

"I'm going up to prepare the machine, while you two finish up here. Personally I hate the smell of extraction." Mitch sneered and started up the ramp. He tripped over his cape and tumbled backwards. "Okay. That was embarrassing."

...

"No! He's done it! Whatever you do, don't look upon him in that state. You'll become transfixed by his cuteness and he'll gain complete control over you." Meap warned, covering his eyes.

Phineas stared, transfixed, at the transforming Mitch. Isabella peered at Phineas' eyes. "How do you get them to get so big and shine like that?"

"It's a gift." Phineas answered.

...

"I just realized something about myself; apparently I run faster than a panda bear, but not quite as fast as a platypus." Heinz panted. "Who-?"

He tripped over his own feet and crashed into Perry. "Okay, that wasn't fun. Stop laughing, Peter the panda!"

...

"Balloony, whatever happened to us?" Heinz cried, shielding himself. He attempted to whimper but instead burst into giggles. "_It's like I'm breaking up with a Balloon_. You can't possibly understand how amusing I find this."

...

Isabella swung down to the platform. She let go of the rope and tried to land neatly, but ended up striking the metal platform and tumbling head-over-heels. "Phineas! You better not be taking a video of this! _Put your phone away!_"

Phineas and Ferb high-fived. "This is so going on the internet."

**Finally! xD Hope you enjoyed Meapless in Seattle bloopers!**


	30. Where's Perry? Part One Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Where's Perry? Part One Bloopers**

"It's so exciting." Betty Jo said. "I remember our trip to Arkansas."

"That was Africa." Clyde corrected. "No, wait, that doesn't sound right."

"Whoops, my fault. I got them mixed up."

Phineas laughed. "I don't know. I think this episode would work if we went to Arkansas instead of Africa."

"Stop being a wise guy," the director warned. "And take your places. Oh, and when we _do _get to Africa, try not to get eaten by a lion."

...

Perry glanced at his wrist communicator as it went off. He adjusted himself so he could see the screen properly and ended up whacking his head off the top of the pet carrier. He chattered in irritation and rubbed his head.

...

"I'm sorry Agent P. you know we wouldn't do this if it weren't an emergency. I'm afraid you're going to have to miss your family vacation. Use host escape diversion technique 123." Francis ordered.

Perry chuckled and the director smirked. "It was a good try, Francis. It's B17."

"Eh, I was close enough." Francis shrugged.

...

Phineas frowned in concern when Perry started coughing violently. He lifted the cage to his face. "Hey! You okay, boy?"

Perry let out another cough and Phineas hastily shoved the cage in Ferb's arms. "Gross. I got platypus spit on my cheek."

"Good one," Ferb praised Perry. "Try hacking one in his eye next time."

...

"The travel guide says it's the top romantic destination restaurant." Linda exclaimed. "Five star service. Pan-pan...pana-..."She squinted at the pamphlet. "I think you need to give me some reading glasses soon. How about the next episode be called, '_When Linda Goes to the Eye Doctor?'_"

Lawrence chuckled. "I'm sure that would attract a lot of viewers."

...

"But I got here first. Why should I sit in the middle seat?" Baljeet demanded.

Buford picked the Indian boy up and went to plop him in the middle seat. He tripped over his shoelace and accidently threw Baljeet on Isabella's lap. The girl lifted up her Fireside Girl manual and grinned in amusement. "Whatcha doin'?"

...

"Perry would have loved sitting on the tarmac for no reason." Phineas sighed. He glanced at Ferb and grinned. "If you keep scratching your neck like that you're going to tear the skin off."

"If I could get to my neck, I probably would." Ferb growled, attempting to itch his fully-covered neck. "These things are itchy!"

Phineas peered closely. "No wonder. Someone put itching powder on them."

"Son of a-"

"FERB!" The director snapped.

"I was going to say 'son of a gun'!" Ferb protested, yanking the neck warmers off of him. "I swear!"

"Uh-huh." Phineas laughed. "Sure you were."

...

"Thanks." Isabella beamed and took the orange juice. "Gentlemen." She said smugly, placing the orange juice on the arm rest. She accidentally jostled it with her elbow and it spilled all over Baljeet. "Whoops! Sorry!"

"This is a very uncomfortable feeling." Baljeet said flatly.

...

"Who's magicin'? I'm just givin' away cards." Buford said.

"Can I have one?" Baljeet asked."

"No." Buford jerked the cards away, accidently dropping them in the process. "Ugh."

"Looks like Buford gets to play fifty-two pick up." The director drawled.

...

"When I was a child I grew flabby, which made me want to make the Fitness Equipment Lock-inator. Bum bum bum. I just run on this treadmill, and out comes a sonic beam that locks every other piece of fitness equipment in the Tri-State Area. Blah, Blah, Blah. Everyone's fat and tired. I sprint into city hall-and...and I forgot my next line, but that's okay!"

Heinz hustled Perry off set. "You go back to the start point. We'll get it this time, I swear! LET'S MOVE!"

The director shook his head. "Okay, we need to cut back his coffee supply."

...

"Does that banana have international coverage?" Candace asked the monkey in the cage.

The monkey blinked at her, and threw the banana threw the bars. It struck Candace on the forehead. "Ouch!"

...

Phineas smiled as the jeep rolled across the Savannah. A second later he was gagging, clutching his throat. "I swallowed a bug! Ugh, I have to stop doing that."

...

"Candace!" The director hissed. The girl walked over to him.

"Yeah, boss?"

"See those baby cheetahs over there?" He pointed across the Savannah towards the little kittens. "Go over and pet them."

"What?!"

"I need a montage for the Savannah scene! The mother isn't around, so go do it before she gets back!"

Candace gulped and hesitantly walked towards the baby cheetahs. "The things I do for money."

The cheetahs glanced up as she approached. Candace bent down cautiously and patted one on the head.

"_ROAR!"_

"AAGGHH!"

"Okay, get in the jeeps!" The director said hurriedly, scrambling for the nearest one. "I think that's enough footage for today. RUN CANDACE, RUN!"

...

"You want us to lounge on a tree branch, next to a cheetah." Phineas said slowly. "Do you remember what happened to Candace?"

"Well, she's fine. And besides, the mother was protecting her young. The cheetah isn't. It's just loafing around like all these big cats do during the day."

Phineas and Ferb exchanged dubious glances. "Okay, but you better have those jeeps running."

"So much for valuing our safety over anything else." Ferb muttered as they climbed the tree.

"Eh, we've handled worse." Phineas shrugged.

The two boys collapsed on the tree branch across from the one the cheetah was on. The cheetah glanced at them and stared for a moment.

"_ROAR!"_

The two boys tumbled from the tree and scrambled for the jeeps. "You've got enough footage!" Phineas cried. "Let's go!"

"You know, I'd probably be having a lot more fun in Africa if my boss wasn't trying to kill me." Ferb mused.

...

"Doofenshmirtz? What are you doing here? Did you finally come here to surrender?" Francis asked.

Heinz snorted. "Yeah, right Francis. Want to give me a hand with these boxes?"

Just as he finished his line he dropped the box down the ramp. "Whoops. I hope nothing important was in there."

...

"_Yeah, but whose skull is he caressing?" Heinz asked._

"_Wait, hold it! Carl...we don't remember having you caresses a skull in this scene..." The director said slowly, eyeing the actor up warily._

"_I thought it would make me seem more evil." Carl answered._

"_There's a difference between being evil and creepy. Right now...you're creeping us all out." The director responded._

_Carl glared. "Sure. I can't pet a skull when evil, but Linda can WASH a skull in her kitchen sink for no apparent reason."_

_The director hummed in thought. "Fair point. Continue on."_

...

"Oh Perry, it's a shame you couldn't go to Africa with the boys-shoot! I did it again." Betty Jo snapped her fingers. "They did go to Africa, but I think they went Arkansas. Okay, I'm good now."

...

"_I used to put up with too much aggravation. But take a look at me now, I got a new vocation." _Carl sang.

Francis burst into laughter and Carl scowled. "Come on, man!"

"Sorry, sorry! I can't keep it together with Heinz throwing his head around next to me." Francis chuckled.

...

"Yes, Danville U.S.A. D-A-V-oh shoot." Candace pressed a hand against her forehead, grinning. "Apparently, I can no longer spell."

...

"You said you had something important to tell me. What is it?" Candace asked excitedly.

"I...just...wanted...to...tell...you...that...you're...weird." Jeremy's static-y voice said.

"I'm not impressed." Candace responded flatly.

...

"Wait, wait, no, not all the -Inators at once!" Carl exclaimed.

Perry looked around with wide eyes as the –Inators glowed. In a second he had gotten hit-by about a dozen strands of silly string. Perry chattered in annoyance, trying to remove himself from the sticky mass.

Heinz burst into laughter. "It took most of my break to get this set up, but it was worth it."

**The italicized section of bloopers came from **FrostShadowStar**. They posted it in a review a while back, and it made me giggle, so I put it in, with a few additions from myself xD I hope they don't mind.**


	31. Where's Perry? Part Two Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Where's Perry? Part Two Bloopers**

"You fool! Without Agent P's paw print, I can't unlock the computer. And without the computer, I can't take over the Tri-State Area." Carl cried.

"Nice recap." Francis praised.

"Quiet back there!" Carl snapped, his lips twitching in a grin.

"Smiling kind of ruins it," Heinz pointed out.

"I was hoping no one would notice." Carl laughed. "Okay, I'll be serious this time."

...

"The only -inator we haven't ruled out, that we actually have, is the Go-Home-inator. Meaning Perry the Platypus is home!" Carl snapped, shoving Heinz backwards. Heinz stumbled into the closet door, but instead of opening it stayed firmly shut. His head whacked off the door.

"Who's the idiot that locked the closet door?" Heinz groaned.

...

"Not any more Mono-grandpa." Carl grinned. He boarded the jet and started it.

Nothing happened.

"I think it's out of gas!" Carl hollered.

"Of course it is!" The director said flatly. "Nothing _ever _goes right around this joint."

...

"He broke up with me. Of course he broke up with me. I mean look at me, I'm a bundle of unbridled neuroses! I'm in Africa, surrounded by natural wonders. And all I can think about is finding a cell phone." Candace ranted. "I'd break up with me to!"

"Uh, Candace? You're supposed to fall from the tree now." The director reminded the girl when she didn't move.

"I know, but I also recall the last time I was supposed to fall out of something. I didn't like it." Candace crossed her arms. "I would like this tree surrounded by air mattresses, so there is no possible way that I will severely hurt myself."

"Well," the director mused, "I suppose she has good reason to be worried. You heard the girl, guys. Get those air mattresses moving!"

...

"Are you ok, Mr. Pockets?" Candace asked, placing the monkey on her shoulder. "Jeremy's right. I shouldn't-OUCH! Mr. Pockets is pulling out my hair, OW! GET HIM OFF!"

...

"Hold on everyone!" Phineas hollered. He pushed off from the cliff and swung towards his friends. Ferb and Isabella grabbed hold and the redhead turned around. "Baljeet! "

Baljeet jumped from his vine and reached for Phineas'. He missed by inches and tumbled to the ground, smacking into the air mattress below. A curious meerkat scuttled over and studied Baljeet. The Indian boy managed to lift his head. "Hello, Timon. How's show business been?"

"Hilarious," the director couldn't help but smile. "Now get up there and try again."

...

The Flynn-Fletcher robots broke down the door. Carl stood in the doorframe, eyes narrowed. "Honey, I'm home!"

"Come on, Carl!" The director cried in exasperation. "It's not cheap to make an episode, you know."

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

...

"Not if Carl takes it over first." Francis pointed out.

Heinz thought it over.

"Let it sink in. ...Two...Three..."

Heinz's eyes grew wide and he let out a high-pitched shriek, which turned into a coughing fit. "Okay, I reached puberty a _long _time ago. My voice cannot go that high anymore. Stop laughing, Francis!"

...

Candace smiled down at the monkey beside her as she swung on a vine. A second later the vine snapped and she tumbled to the ground. "Ouch!"

"I think that's a sign to lay off the pizza." Phineas jabbed with a smirk.

The director shook his head as Candace chased Phineas across the Savannah. "That kid needs to learn boundaries."

...

"And stop looking for Perry? Are you kidding? He's our pet! He's more than our pet. He's our friend. And-"Phineas burst into giggles. "It's not my fault! Buford, stop grinning like that! It's making me laugh."

"Sorry." Buford grinned.

...

Carl peered out from the bushes, watching the kids. "Candy corn," he ordered.

Lawrence the robot dropped a piece of candy corn into Carl's hand. The boy tossed it to his mouth-and missed. "Oh wow. That was a fail."

...

"Candace." The Candace robot stated.

Candace shook her head. "Candar."

"Candace. Love." The robot started to say, but suddenly shut down before it could complete its line. Candace poked the robot and it fell over.

"Dead batteries." The girl said.

The director threw his hands in the air. "Does _anyone _bother to recharge the batteries in _anything _around here?"

...

_Take One_

"Perry must be scared. We're coming for you buddy!" Phineas called as he and his friends hurried across the log.

"Too easy." Carl smirked.

The log snapped and the five kids plummeted towards the rapids. Phineas' screams turned into helpless laughter, and the others joined in.

The director rolled his eyes. "Someone go fish them out. It's not exactly dramatic when they _laugh _as they rocket to their possible death."

...

"And now you're going to give me a hand. Literally." Carl grinned.

Perry whistled loudly, but nothing happened.

"And my African O.W.C.A. animal recruits are where?" The director asked.

"Lunch break." His assistant replied.

"Even the _animal extras _don't listen to me!"

...

_Take Twenty_

"Everybody, get behind me!" Phineas called. His friends swam behind him and they sped for the tree.

And then they missed the tree-again.

"Sorry!" Phineas cried as they shot down the rapids. "We'll get next time, I swear!"

The director watched as they disappeared from view. His assistant looked at him. "Do you want me to go get them?"

"I'm debating whether or not I should leave them floundering in the rapids. They missed the freaking tree _twenty times_."

...

Candace swung down on a vine and landed a swift kick to the robot Buford. A _crunch _echoed when her bare foot connected with solid metal. "Ouch."

...

"I still need a few parts." Heinz admitted, looking at his almost completed Good-Inator.

"No problem." Francis jumped from the wrecked ship and tugged at his Nehru jacket. "It-won't-come-off!"

...

"You saved me. Why did you sacrifice yourself?" Candace asked in surprise.

"No Jeremy robot for me." The Candace robot said sadly.

Candace's lips twitched into a smile.

"CANDACE!" The director cried in exasperation.

"I'm sorry!" Candace giggled. "I really am."

"Sure you are." The director grumbled.

...

"Agent P. I need you to get evil Carl in front of that 'X', and-stop laughing at me, Perry!" Francis snapped.

...

"Your prehensile tail won't save you now." Carl growled. He pulled with a little too much force, and Perry was yanked from the rock and into Carl. They both tumbled down the cliff and smacked to the ground. "My bad." Carl wheezed.

Perry chattered in annoyance.

...

"Uh, recent events have brought it to my attention that you're a great help to me. And-"Francis noticed Carl trying to hide his laughter. "Carl!"

"It's a case of the giggles!" Carl protested. "I can't help it!"

"All you guys ever _have _is the case of the giggles." The director pointed out.

...

"Chill guys, I got this." Candace smiled and attempted a Tarzan yell. It ended up with her coughing and gagging, and the kids rolling around with laughter.

"It was a good try." The director said.

...

"I admit, I have never really studied the platypus, but I am absolutely shocked that this one somehow followed you all the way to Africa. It seems, impossible." Ignatius said.

"Well, ever since George Shaw wrote the first description of the platypus for highly skeptical-"Ferb paused. "Oh, shoot. I forget the rest."

Phineas punched him in the shoulder. "You have one line in this episode. And you manage to screw this up."

"Oh, shut up."

**I'll attempt to finish and upload the New Year episode today as well.**

**I also don't own Tarzan, if Nehru is a brand, then I don't own that either.**


	32. Happy New Year Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb or Gangnam Style.**

**Happy New Year Bloopers**

"Phineas?"

"Yeah, Ferb?" Phineas glanced up as his friend walked into his dressing room.

The green-haired boy eyed the amount of garlic bread Phineas was currently consuming. "What are you up to?"

"Do you remember when Isabella fulfilled her promise to kiss me with garlic and onion breath?"

"Yeah." Ferb grinned. "That was hilarious."

"I'm going to return the favour." Phineas smirked. "And although I did deserve it in the first place, it was an unpleasant experience."

Ferb snorted. "It's your funeral, buddy. See you on set."

...

"And, of course, there's the other tradition of kissing someone special at midnight." Isabella said suggestively.

"Well then, I know what _we're_ going to do tonight." Phineas said.

"Really?" Isabella asked excitedly.

Phineas quickly leaned towards the unsuspecting girl and planted a wet one on her lips. Isabella shrieked in disgust and backed up. "Is that-? IT IS! YOU JERK! YOU KISSED ME WITH GARLIC BREATH!"

The director struggled to keep back a smile as a furious Isabella chased Phineas around the studio.

...

"You're not alone in this; we are all sharing the pain, and-"

The beach ball struck Francis' nose instead of the backdrop like it was supposed to. "Oof! Nice aim, Carl!"

"Sorry!"

...

"How are you doing, Buford?" Phineas called.

"Why do I have to paint? Painting is for babies and beatniks!" Buford complained, shifting his feet. He accidently knocked the paint can off the scaffold and the paint splattered onto Phineas. "That's a good colour on you, Dinner Bell."

"Karma," Isabella sang as she walked past Phineas.

...

"How do I get out of-"Irving burst into giggles as he raced around the bends of the infinity slide. "Okay, I'm torn between laughing and throwing up right now!"

"Keep laughing!" The director called. "_Please!"_

...

"Yep, I'm sticking to my resolution and turning over a new leaf. Fifteen whole minutes and I haven't thought of Phineas and Ferb." Candace said proudly. "How they make those things. You-"

Stacy started to giggle. "I'm sorry, but your twitching eye is kind of creeping me out."

...

"Gotta bust." Candace shivered. "G-g-g-gotta-g-g-gotta bu-bu-bu-the table isn't breaking."

"Let me try." Stacy grabbed the edge of the table and yanked. The table slammed into her stomach and Stacy groaned. "Yeah. That's a tough table alright."

...

"Candace? Stacy told me about your New Year's-"Jeremy's hand jerked and the entire tray of apple cider crashed to the floor, glass shattering and cider splashing everywhere.

Coltrane grinned. "Bad time for a muscle spasm, dude."

...

Candace ran down the sidewalk. She slipped on a patch of ice, but instead of falling forwards like she was supposed to, she fell backwards. "Ouch."

"Huh," the director mused. "She even falls wrong."

...

"No worries! I'm live-blogging the whole event on my podcast! We're trending right now!" Irving said excitedly.

"Right now?" Candace asked. With a smirk she leaned towards the camera-too close. She whacked her face off of the lens. "Ouch! Okay, that wasn't smooth at all."

...

_Take One_

Heinz burst through a curtain and stopped to look around. "What is this, the coat room?"

Perry jumped out from behind a rack of coats and sent Heinz sailing into the opposite rack of coats. He stood in battle stance, but the elder actor didn't come back out.

"Heinz?" The director called. "Are you still alive?"

"Very funny." Heinz snapped from behind the coats. "You want me to come back in a pink coat and you only give me a few seconds to do so. I'm not a quick change artist!"

_Take Two_

Heinz climbed out from behind the coat rack, wearing a pink coat and hat. "All right, Perry the Platypus, if you really want to fight, here I a-"

Perry tackled Heinz into another coat rack. "OUCH! Hold it, hold it! There's a coat hanger jammed in my eye!"

...

Jeremy spun Candace around the dance floor. He led her into a dip and accidently let go. Candace dropped to the floor with a grunt. "You did that on purpose!"

"I swear I didn't!" Jeremy grinned. "But it was funny."

...

Phineas and Ferb attempted to do the Gangnam Style dance, but they collapsed into a fit of laughter. "Wow," Phineas finally managed to say. "Gangnam Style really _has _gone everywhere."

...

Phineas and Isabella twirled around the dance floor. With a devious smirk Isabella let go, sending Phineas crashing into the wall. Dazed, Phineas looked up. "Okay, okay. Truce?"

Isabella giggled. "For now, I guess."

...

"Is this your doing, bro?" Phineas asked, turning to look at Ferb.

The green-haired boy nodded. Phineas arched an eyebrow. "This is the part of the episode where you actually get to speak."

"I know. But I forgot the first three words of my line." Ferb admitted.

"Well, go write them on your hand."

"Good idea!" Ferb hurried off set. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Oh yeah. I hired professionals alright." The director muttered.

...

"That's okay." Jeremy smiled. "I like you just the way you are. Happy New Year, Candace."

Candace smiled back. "Happy New Year, Jeremy."

They leaned towards each other for a kiss, but Jeremy started to chuckle. Candace swatted his shoulder. "This can't be like last time, where it took, like, ten takes to do one kiss. WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS."

"Speak for yourself." Jeremy laughed.

**May 2013 be a good year for us all. And may 2013 bring us more bloopers ;)**

**Say hello to the new year, but remember the old. **

**Happy New Year, guys!**


	33. Lotsa Latkes Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Lotsa Latkes Bloopers **

_Take One_

"Good morning, Agent P." Francis greeted. "We recently learned that Doofenshmirtz has fallen behind on his electrical bills. This seems odd considering his generous amenity package."

Carl grinned. "I think you messed up somewhere."

"Thanks for pointing that out, Carl." Francis snapped in annoyance. 

_Take Two_

"We recently learned that Doofenshmirtz has fallen behind on his electrical bills. This seems odd considering his generous allotment package."

"Allotment?" Carl cried. "_How _do you get allotment confused with alimony? Actually, how do you get _amenity _confused with alimony?"

"Stop making me feel like an idiot, Carl."

The director shook his head. "Alright, get ready for Take 3-"

"Wait, wait!" Francis cried. "What's the _a _word again?"

Carl rubbed his forehead. "Alimony, Francis. The word is alimony."

_We're gonna be here for a while. _The director thought tiredly.

...

"Why don't you call Jeremy?" Linda suggested as she reached for plate to wash.

Candace sighed. "He's working."

"What about-?" Linda's hold on the glass plate slipped and it fell to the floor, shattering into a dozen sharp pieces upon impact. "Oops! Sorry!"

The director shook his head. "And this is why we can't have anything nice."

...

Perry raced into the evil lair. He slipped on a banana peel and sailed across the floor. Instead of landing in the stockade, he flew over it and crashed by Heinz's feet.

Heinz grinned down at him. "Nice one, buddy."

...

"So, Perry the Platypus, do you like your trap?" Heinz laughed. "It's called the Stocks! I read about it in this book, 10 Greatest Hysterical Traps of All Time. Historical! 10 Greatest _Historical _Traps of All Time."

Perry smirked at him. Heinz scowled. "Shut up, Perry the Platypus."

...

"And according to this, the Spartan Army was fierce, unstoppable, and followed every order without hesitation. Which is why I got this!" Heinz raced off set for a brief moment, yanked off his 'evil doctor' costume and hurried back to position. "Huh? It's a Spartan General-okay, I know seeing me half-naked is going to cause you to lose face, but come on Perry the Platypus. I'm _freezing!_"

...

"I think the DNA from Buford's saliva must have combined with the potato's DNA to make some sort of Buford-Potato Hybrid!" Phineas said in surprise. "Let's get outta here!"

He turned on his heel and started to run. After a few steps he tripped and fell face-first to the grass. "Okay, worst get-away ever."

...

"Right," Phineas said determinedly. "Baljeet, you and Buford go stall the seniors while the rest of us similarly round up the spud spawn. Hey, wait. Ferb, isn't similarly on our list of _S _words seldom used by kids?"

Ferb grinned. "No, but simultaneously is."

"Well. That's embarrassing," Isabella smirked as Phineas' face turned red.

...

Heinz stared at the Mongol army in surprise. "Oh, well, you don't look a gift horde in the mouth. Welcome to the future, my ruthless Mongol Army. I realize you can't understand what I'm saying and-"

"_Krkrkrkrk."_

Perry's snort of suppressed laughter cut through Heinz's dialogue. The simple sound set the elder doctor into a fit of giggles. The director stared at the Mongol Army extras, who were staring at the two with mild amusement. "How come I hired the people who are unprofessional for the main parts, and the people who _are _professional for the minimal parts?"

...

"Buford, what are we going to do?" Baljeet hissed. "We got to think of something!"

"Uh...wait a minute, I got an idea." Buford stuffed a sock over his hand and made it speak. "Hello, folks! I'm Mr. Sock! Hey! Who-?" Buford suddenly yelped and ripped the sock from his hand. A small spider crawled from the depths and skittered across the floor. "It bit me! Whoever put that in there is gonna pay. _Ferb._"

...

One of the extras from the Mongol army studied his script in disbelief. "So...in our next scene, we're chasing an army of mutant potatoes down a street?"

"Yup," Buford responded as he grabbed an apple from the snack table.

Isabella smiled sympathetically at the extra's baffled expression. "It's weird, I know. But trust me, that's not even _close _the weirdest thing we've ever done."

...

"Ha ha!" Candace cheered. "We've finally-"She leaned forwards a little too much and fell off her bike. "Ow!"

Linda laughed. "Better you than me, sweetie."

...

"I'm not as young as I used to be," Linda panted as she pedaled.

Candace scowled. "Fine." She grabbed a string of sausage and lassoed Linda's bike with it. She then took off at top speed.

They had barely made it a few feet before Linda flew off her seat. Candace stopped her bike and turned around with a slight grin. "Better you than me."

"Touché," Linda muttered.

...

_Take One_

"What's Perry doing in a pillory?" Phineas asked in confusion.

"Actually, those are stocks." Ferb corrected. "A pillory forces the wearer to...to...to do something."

"You had one job, bro." Phineas grinned. "You had one job."

Ferb crossed his arms. "Like you're going to be able to do your next line in one shot."

_Take Two_

"What's Perry doing in a pillory?"

"Actually those are stocks. A pillory forces the wearer to remain upright, exposing them to poking and prodding from passers-by." Ferb explained.

"Wow, I'd expect that kind of esoteric knowledge to come from someone a little older. 50 or 60 or perhaps a septuagenarian." Phineas grinned smugly and crossed his arms.

Ferb glared at him. "Show-off."

**Yay for updates! xD **

**Out of curiosity, what do you guys think is the weirdest P&F moment?**

**And in case I don't update before, Happy Valentine's Day!**


	34. Skiddley Whiffers Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb.**

**Skiddley Whiffers Bloopers**

_Take One_

"Skiddley Whiffers is the best game ever!" Candace cheered, shaking the dice eagerly in her fist. She chucked them across the game board, grinning victoriously when two fives settled. "And ha! That brings me out of the mud pit-"She slipped her hand into the dark brown watery mud with the intent of retrieving her game piece-only to snatch her hand back when something bit her finger. "Ouch!"

Phineas peeked into the water and grinned. "Aw, what a cute little snapping turtle?"

"_Snapping turtle? _Who would put a snapping turtle in there?!"

"The real question is, who _wouldn't_?"

_Take Two_

"That brings me out of the mud pit, into the car wash, through the terrible tower and, uh oh, roll again! Yes! Double kings, baby!" Candace got a little too excited and sent Phineas and Ferb's game pieces flying as she shoved them aside so her piece could move on through the coloured squares.

"I'd like to point out that this is _rigged _for you to win." Ferb remarked.

...

Perry grabbed Phineas' red guitar and quickly played his theme song. The amp resting next to the guitar tilted, revealing a secret entrance. The platypus jumped down and landed in his chair-only to have water balloons drop down on him seconds later.

"Okay, who replaced the confetti?" The director demanded.

Perry squeezed out his soaking fedora and glared accusingly at the two males on the monitor screen. Francis and Carl held their hands up in protest. "It wasn't us! I swear!"

"That's what you guys always say." The director grumbled.

...

"Alright everyone!" Heinz called, climbing out of his camping van and scanning the surrounding landscape. "We're here. Let's unpack so we can get a head start."

"'We?'" Vanessa echoed, reaching into the van and grabbing her backpack. "Shouldn't you be off playing with your little platypus friend?"She slung her backpack over her shoulders and the heavy weight on her back immediately caused her to topple backwards. "Well, that's embarrassing."

"Trust me, worse things can happen." Heinz grumbled.

...

"I suppose you're wondering why I called you all here today."

"Yeah, actually, we were." Buford arched an eyebrow at the tarp covering mysterious objects.

Phineas smiled and extended his arm. "Ferb?"

Ferb grabbed the tarp and pulled. And pulled. And pulled. But no matter how much strength he put into his tugs, the tarp was staying firm. "I think it's caught on something!"

Buford craned his neck and smirked. "Yeah. Dinner Bell is standing on it."

"Oops, sorry!"

...

Buford scanned the giant objects with a frown. "That's not clearing anything up for me."

"I don't care what it is, the hairdryer is _mine_." Isabella whispered.

"Alright!" Candace hollered, racing over to the group of kids. "Nobody move! You two! You think you can just make giant thingys for all the world to see? Well no sir! I'm gonna put the bust on you, but good!" She twisted on her heel but put too much weight forwards and fell. She quickly climbed to her feet and jabbed a finger at Phineas and Ferb, who were laughing. "You think you can just make giant thingys for all the world to see? Well-"

"Why are you still going?" Baljeet cried. "We can't use this!"

"We'll make it work!"

...

"And you don't even have to do any work!" Phineas exclaimed, holding the die in his hand. "Just roll a number on this electronic die and the game pieces will automatically move that many spaces across Danville."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get this party started!" Candace cheered. "Lob it over!"

Phineas tossed the die and it soared over Candace's head. "My bad."

"Nice throw, all-star." Candace rolled her eyes.

...

"Six!" Candace grinned at the black number on the electronic die. "So long, losers!"

The sneaker jumped, catching Candace off guard and sending her flying. The girl shrieked in surprise as she crashed into the bushes. "Whoa! These things have some juice in them!"

"Someone catch the sneaker before it gets to far!" The director called.

"Why can't you just use the remote control?" His assistant asked.

The director scowled. "Believe it or not, it doesn't work."

...

"Nature is our mother and the trees are green!" Johnny wailed, ripping on his guitar.

"Hey, groovy dudes! How's it hanging?"

The teens took one look at Heinz and burst into laughter. "Those shorts!" Vanessa cackled, leaning on Johnny for support.

"Never mind the shorts," Johnny snorted. "Check out that shirt!"

Heinz crossed his arms in annoyance. "Sure, sure. Let's all make fun of the old man with no style."

...

_Take One_

"Is that a Pupmaster 3000?" Heinz exclaimed, racing over to the tent and inspecting it. "I love these babies. They're so far out and they almost never collapse and suffocate you while you're sleeping. But you know the Tri-State Almanac says they should be at least twenty feet from water and yours is an inch too short."

Vanessa snuck up behind Heinz while he was measuring the distance and shoved him into the water. Heinz yelped as the frigid water wrapped around his body. "Cold! Very cold!"

_Take Two_

"But you know the Tri-State Almanac says they should be at least twenty feet from water and yours is an inch too short."

"Seriously?" Lacey asked in annoyance, picking the discarded Almanac from the ground.

"Oh, and you need to tie up your food so you don't attract bears!" Heinz exclaimed and raced over to the food table. He grabbed a sack and was about to shove all the food in when he caught sight of something on the hillside. He glanced over and froze.

"Holy crap," Vanessa breathed, eyes wide.

"Does anyone know how to react in bear encounter situations?" Heinz whispered, staring at the great big bear that was lumbering towards them.

"No."

"Nuh-uh."

"Nope."

"'Fraid not."

"Okay then. _Run!_"

"I would not have taken this job," the director panted as he and his crew raced for the vans. "If I knew how much it would endanger my life."

...

"I still have a hydrant stuck in my leg." Heinz remarked, pulling up his shorts to reveal his leg (where the post-production crew would add the hydrant with their fancy effects). "I'd have it removed but the doctor said it was too close to an artery to operate. That kind of thing happens all the time in the woods!"

Perry gave Heinz a disbelieving look.

Heinz sighed. "Maybe I'm overreacting. Actually, it's just a beautiful pastoral setting and there's probably nothing-"

Candace suddenly careened towards them, her sneaker slamming into the van and crushing it. Heinz shrieked and stumbled backwards, his hand pressed to his chest. He then burst into laughter. "I was totally not expecting that! I mean, I _knew _it was going to happen, but I wasn't prepared for it. Oh, man."

...

"You have to leave!" Heinz exclaimed, bending down in a begging position in front of Vanessa. "It's not safe here for little kids-I mean, practically adults. Flee! Back to the city, away from danger!"

"Like what?" Vanessa demanded.

Heinz spun her around and pointed towards the bushes. "Like _that_."

Perry jumped out from the foliage, dressed in a bear costume and chattered as menacingly as possible.

Vanessa blinked. And broke into a wide grin. "_Aww! _That is the _cutest _thing I have ever seen!"

Heinz rolled his eyes and smirked. "Well. So much for scaring her away." He joked.

...

"You know, I try to be a good parent." Heinz sighed. "But-"

The sound of screams filled the air and Heinz sat up, alert. "Vanessa!"

He raced through the bushes and came upon a clearing, where he saw Vanessa and her friends cornered by a swarm of angry bees.

Instead of charging forwards heroically, he stumbled back. "You're using _real _bees? What kind of a production is this?!"

"Heinz-"

"No way, man! I _hate _bees!" Heinz ran in the opposite direction.

Vanessa scowled. "My hero." She grumbled. She winced as the bees flew closer. "Okay, never mind. He's right. You're all insane. _Smoke them! Smoke them now!_"

...

"Mom, mom, mom!" Candace called, hurrying into the house with the electronic die in her hands. "Look at what Phineas and Ferb built!"

Linda glanced up from her dishes and smirked. "You're right, Candace. Call the authorities. It's a cube."

"No time for sarcasm." Candace snapped and grabbed her wrist, only to freeze when she noticed what Linda was washing. "_Why _are you washing a skull?"

"Hey, don't ask me. Ask the writers."

"Er...you know what? I think I'd rather _not _know."

...

As Candace ran into the house, the kids climbed out of their game pieces.

Or in Buford's case, tried to.

"I'm stuck!" He wailed, frantically trying to wiggle out of the truck. His knees were jammed against the front of the truck and weren't moving an inch.

Phineas, Ferb, Baljeet and Isabella tried pulling him loose. But it wasn't working.

"Candace, watch where you're going!"

Everyone froze as Linda's warning voice reached their ears. "No, wait!" They cried.

Too late.

Candace let out a cry as she fell, and the electronic die bounced into the yard.

_All players advance._

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Buford screamed as his piece and the other pieces started bouncing away.

"We're coming!" Phineas hollered and the kids broke into a sprint to catch their friend.

Candace and Linda came out into the yard to find the kids gone. "What happened?" Candace asked.

The director rubbed his forehead. "The truck kidnapped Buford."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"...you know, I don't think any of us get paid enough for this."

"You're telling me, sister."

**I know it's been a while. Sorry about that. Hopefully I haven't lost the humour :P**


	35. Canderemy Bloopers

**Any line that does not sound familiar is probably mine. The rest are quotes from this particular Phineas and Ferb episode. I do not own Phineas and Ferb or ****Recess.**

**Canderemy Bloopers**

_Take One_

Candace leaned against the back of the couch with her legs pressed against the coffee table for support. "Oh, Stacy, isn't Jeremy's hair the perfect shade of gold?" She asked with a dreamy smile.

"Uh-huh," came the distant, emotionless response.

"And isn't it cute when he-?"Candace put a little too much pressure on the table and it slide across the floor, causing Candace to slide down from her resting spot against the couch and bang her elbow off of the floor. "My bad, sorry!"

"Back to one, people!" The director hollered. "And someone nail that table down!"

"Isn't that a bit excessive?" His assistant asked.

"With these people, you can never be too careful."

_Take Two_

"Oh, Stacy, isn't Jeremy's hair the perfect shade of gold?"

"Uh-huh."

"And isn't it cute when he gets that little wrinkle on the end of his nose?"

"Uh-_zzzzzsckkkkk!_"

The static roared in her ear. Candace yelped and threw the phone across the room, her heart pounding. "I think something's wrong with the digital recording."

"No," the director responded, rolling his eyes. "Stacy brought up an audio clip of static noise."

"I thought it'd be funny!" Stacy protested. "And it was!"

"Can someone please answer their phone?" Candace called, annoyed. "The ringing is driving me nuts!"

Stacy pressed a hand over her mouth to keep from giggling. There was no phone ringing. "Um...I'm sure she'll be fine...I think."

...

"This is it, Isabella." The raven-haired girl said firmly, slapping her fist into her palm. "The day you're going to insist on spending some alone time with Phineas! I can do this!"

Isabella walked up to the wooden gate and gave it a push. When it didn't budge, she frowned and tried a few more times. "Alright, which one of you losers locked the gate?"

...

_Take One_

"So, introducing my Combine-inator!" Heinz declared, rolling the machine in front of the platypus. With this invention, I was able to-"He bent down to pick up the mutated cockroach-garlic ice cream and almost immediately recoiled. He turned his head away and bent over the machine, gagging.

"Please don't throw up," the director begged.

"That is the grossest thing I have _ever _seen." Heinz rasped, holding his stomach.

"You only have to hold it for a minute!"

"_That's a real cockroach!"_

"It is not!" The director cried, exasperated. "It's a fake! It's mechanical!"

"It's still gross!"

"Do it or you won't get paid."

"You know he's desperate," Ferb whispered to Phineas, the two boys watching the scene from offset, "when he threatens not to pay us."

"It's a real risk, considering we're the only actors willing to put up with this." Phineas agreed.

_Take Two_

"So, introducing my Combine-inator! With this invention, I was able to create the Triple Scoop Garlic Ice Cream Roach cone!"

Heinz held out the disgusting (and rather realistic-looking) prop. The mechanical cockroach shuddered and whispered, "So cold."

The German man flung the item to the floor and back away, waving his hands in the air. "Noooo! You didn't tell me it did that! That's beyond creepy! I have done some sick and weird things on this show, but this is plain _nasty!_"

Phineas and Ferb watched the man storm off the set with the director trailing behind, attempting to persuade the actor to return to the set. The redhead peered at the twitching prop and smirked. "I'll give you five bucks if you lick it."

"Twenty." Ferb countered.

"Fifteen."

"Deal."

...

As Heinz rambled about property laws and paperwork, Perry freed himself from his bindings and raced over to the doctor. He launched into a flying kick, but rather than landing it in Heinz's face he sailed past the man and went right through the slideshow screen.

"Oh man, that looked like it _really _hurt." Heinz remarked.

...

"Aw, look how cute he is when he's sleeping." Candace cooed, walking over to the couch Jeremy was slumbering on. She took a seat beside him and gently prodded his shoulder. "Psst, Jeremy."

The blonde boy struggled to stay still but ended up dissolving into giggles. Candace grinned. "All you have to do is look like you're sleeping and snore. If you can't do that, then this is going to be a _long _day."

...

To make the fusing together look real, the special effects crew had sewn Candace's skirt to Jeremy's pants. It was awkward, which was exactly what the director was looking for.

"Stacy and I just need a little girl time." Candace explained. "So I'm going to have to take a rain check, okay?" She rested a hand gently on his shoulder before standing up. She moved a little too fast and Jeremy walloped his head off of the coffee table. He winced and rubbed his forehead.

"You're right, this _is _going to be a long day." He agreed.

...

"Phineas!" Candace wailed, struggling to pull the sleeping Jeremy alongside her. She kicked open the gate and glared at the redheaded boy. "What have you done?!"

Phineas blinked innocently. "We built this gigantic robot dog-"

"Look at this!" Candace howled, shaking Jeremy around. "We're all fused together-"

Jeremy burst into laughter. Candace rolled her eyes and dropped the boy, temporally forgetting that she was attached to him. She crashed to the ground with him and scowled. "I don't think I'm going to last much longer."

...

"Prepare to face the wrath of Normenshmirtz!" Heinz declared as the ray hit them, morphing the man and robot together. "You can't get away from me now!"

Perry stared blankly as the blasts of red light sailed past him, unable to tear his eyes away from the mechanical creation.

"Perry, I know it's ugly, but try to look past that." The director ordered. "Everyone reset!"

"Did you just call me ugly?" Heinz asked, annoyed.

"I'm calling half the robot ugly. It' up to you to decide which half I'm referring to."

"...yeah, you just called me ugly."

...

_Take One_

"So, Candace, sorry I was so hard on you before." Stacy apologized, taking a seat across from the redhead. "I know you and Jeremy aren't together all the time."

"No, really, it's okay!" Candace said quickly. "It's nice-"

The tablecloth started trembling and Jeremy's snorts could be heard from underneath. "Jeremy, you need to hold it together!" Candace cried, exasperated. "My knees hurt!"

"I'm sorry! I guess I have a case of the giggles today."

"When don't you have a case of the giggles?" The director asked, rolling his eyes.

_Take Two_

"So, I hear there's a ton of vintage clothing stalls at the street fair this year." Candace commented, reaching down to cover Jeremy's lips with one hand.

"_Ouch_!" Jeremy cried suddenly.

Candace winced and pulled her hand up. "Did I just stick a finger up your nose?"

"You did that on purpose!"

"I did not! I meant to poke you in the eye."

...

Candace turned her bag of luggage around, managing a smile at the purse Stacy had selected. She grinned nervously-and Stacy burst into laughter.

"Stacy!" Candace groaned. Jeremy muffled something in protest and the redhead unzipped the bag a little so that he could get some air.

"This is ridiculous," Jeremy wheezed. "I can handle being dragged, thrown about and carried, but I draw the line at being stuffed into a piece of luggage."

"It's only for a few minutes. Get back in the bag." The director ordered.

Jeremy sighed. "I bet the cast of _Recess _never had to go through stuff like this."

...

Candace and Stacy spun around the tilt-a-whirl, their hair flying around their faces. Jeremy jolted and bumped, his head sagging. Candace cast a glance at the boy and noticed his face turning green and his cheeks puffing out. "STOP THE RIDE! HE'S GONNA HURL!"

...

"What's the green screen for?" Phineas asked, peering up at it.

"It's for the Perry and Doofenshmirtz battle." The director explained.

Phineas frowned in confusion. "The _whole _battle?"

"Only parts of it."

"Why?"

"I'll give you the reasons why." Heinz said dryly, coming up behind the boy with his script. "In the battle, Perry gets turned into a toolbox, then he gets morphed in with some other things and then Norm and I mould with the refrigerator."

"We've kind of surpassed our mechanical machine limit for this episode." The director added.

"...oh. Is it sad that that makes sense to me?"

"Oh yeah." Heinz agreed.

...

"Isabella!" The director's assistant called, hammering on the girl's trailer door. "They're ready for you!"

"Alright, thanks!" Isabella cast a quick glance in her mirror and adjusted the bow on her head before leaving her trailer. She jogged towards the parking lot that was set up to look like a street fair. She swivelled her head and frowned. "Where's Phineas and Ferb?"

"They'll be coming on later, after I say _action_." The director explained.

Isabella blinked in confusion. She was almost certain that the two boys were onscreen with her, but she couldn't really argue with the director. "Oh. Okay. And all I say is, _oh Phineas_, right?"

The director quelled a smile. There was no need to tell the girl that a few lines had been chopped from her script. "Yeah. Ready?"

Isabella nodded.

"Action!"

Phineas lumbered onto the set and Isabella gaped in horror. Ferb's body had somehow been morphed into his, resulting in a horrifying combination of joints and faces. The girl let out a shrill shriek and raced offset.

Phineas burst into laughter and removed the costume. "I think we just traumatized her for life."

"And soon we're about to traumatize our audience too." The director laughed. "Ah, sometimes I love my job."


End file.
